Well, ok I do have SOME reason to be here. I have a story, a few actually, I like to share and write so this site seems perfect for me. But for right now I’m fine, not perfect but fine. I’ll share more of my stories on here later, but for right now I want to get settled in. I’ve been depressed 4 times in my short 16 years of life. 3 of those were real, mature depressions and I’ve been suicidal twice. My last depression nearly killed me. I’ll explain later, but I had also had an anxiety disorder and that opened the door […]

“Mad World”

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere

Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head, I wanna drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow

And I find it kinda funny
I find it kinda sad
The dreams in which I’m dying
Are the best I’ve ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It’s a very, very mad world, mad world

Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday

still sitting here hating everyone and everything…if its just a chemical imbalance then why is it not fixed?  yeah things suck but they will not get any better either.

Wiki Social Avoidant Personality Disorder & there’s my life.

I have a genetic predisposition to social anxiety, as my dad told me he almost joined a monastery for this reason. I have early childhood emotional neglect from physical abuse, verbal abuse, & hours of forced solitude. Absent father, he was going to college. I have extreme peer group rejection, lost almost all my highschool friends right after due to an incident with ecstasy.

Everyone thinks I look OK. That’s because I’m good looking, I’m healthy because I know cardio & lifting reduces stress, as I have anger problems thanks to both genetics & upbringing again. I’m great […]

2 months before my 18th birthday i developed a horrendous condition called tinnitus, which is ringing in the ears or head. At first, although it was very bad, it didn’t cause me any issues, but it did never stop or go away. as the weeks went on my anxiety began to build, i couldn’t sleep and i was in a constant state of unprecedented despair. eventually the inevitable happened, i developed depression and life became unbearable. i couldn’t concentrate in school, dreaded and avoided social situations (including my 18th birthday) and could not stand anybody. But to cut a long story short i overcame this […]

Deep down I knew it all along; I knew I would relapse. I just didn’t know it would happen so soon after I started getting better. Maybe I wasn’t actually getting better? Yeah, I got a job and started doing voluntary work but my mind is still empty. For more than 2 years now it’s been 97% empty, remaining 3% were occupied by my feeling of worthlessness and grief towards life. I stopped daydreaming long time ago. Nothing interests me, nothing bothers me. I don’t think. I’m getting dumber each day and it’s showing. I’m so done.. Even meds stopped working. Sometimes I still […]

Lately I’ve been thinking about suicide a lot and it is really starting to scare me. Today at work i almost climbed over the rail of the stairs to jump. I’ve almost taken too many meds, and I’ve been researching how much medication it would take to kill me. I started self harming about 2 months ago and I can’t stop, and it’s getting worse. I’m cutting deeper and longer, and I crave the blood.

The last couple of days I’ve been feeling really strange. I feel sad, but not sad. It’s almost an empty feeling but I can feel something in my stomach. It’s like […]

Hi, i’m new, sorry if i’m going to make some errors but english is not my main language.

Today i was on my Pc and came across this Website, at first i wasn’t sure if i really wanted to post something but i thought that this might help someone like it did with me. I am a 19 years old boy who really loves internet, videogames, anime etc. and, aside my parents, i had no one. I had no friends, they all left because i wasn’t “normal”, just because i didn’t like pubs, go to parties, smoke weed and things like that, i also never had […]

I forgot how to live.

I forgot how I usually react and respond to things. I forgot how to reply. I forgot how to socialise. I don’t know how to do all that.

I forgot how to be normal.

This is hard.

Maybe being alive isn’t my forte.

I have no friends in real life and i was feeling so lonley that I think I was about to go insane. When I came to this site I managed to atleast say something to someone. I feel much much better. Thank u everyone.

i can’t stop crying. the thoughts are never going to go away.
i question why i feel this way because i have it way better than most people do,
i have a home , a bed , clothes , food , but i just feel so shitty and utterly worthless.
im afraid that im just gunna fail in life and what sucks the most is i have nobody.
i dont need friends but sometimes its just nice to have someone to understand you and
just listen. being alone just sucks.

I am looking for some kind of book that can help me improve my communication skills drastically. Can you plz recommend any? Thanks.

When I was 16 years old, I was at the peak of a very dark place.

Everything really started when I was twelve. I hated myself, and everybody else hated me, whether it was too my face or behind my back. I allowed people to walk all over me because I wanted to have friends, no matter how little they were actually friendly. Just people I could sit with at lunch, or talk to during class. I hated being alone. I still do. I started cutting a few months after I turned twelve, when I overheard one of my “friends” talking about it with someone else.

I […]

I was intoxicated by the feeling in the air, faint wisps of pizza and beer filling my being.

It was a graduate program alright, but the campus itself reeked of undergrad shenanigans.  Most people find it gaudy, but I love the community atmosphere of a uni campus.  It’s a sexually incestuous band of merry vagabonds, topped off with general studies classes that force a modicum of higher thinking that is generally expressed in smoke filled dorm rooms.  Well, at least a chemically induced impulse to think outside the box.

Logging more hours than I care to think about on the road to the university, my mood was […]

My life seems great looking from the outside in. I have a nice looking family with comfortable living expenses, three cars, and a nice house. But honestly my emotions have taken a toll on my life. Growing up I’ve stolen and lied numerous times and basically I’m just a terrible person. Some may say I deserve it.

Parents divorced, I live with my mom.  And since then she’s been meaner and meaner, boyfriend by boyfriend. Now she’s married and doesn’t care for me. Being an asian parent, she’s abused me. Laying a hand on your own child is considered abuse even if it’s just a spank. […]

I just feel like there isn’t anything worth living for. Everyone could go on just fine without me. I’m 50 and in a career transition and being talked into continuing an MBA program. It seemed like a good idea at first and I was told I could quit if I didn’ like it…but now I’m being shamed into sticking with it.

What I really wanted to do was start my own home baking business. But that got poo-pooed.

I should have listened to the knot in my stomach, which usually steers me away from things that most likely are bad…but I didn’t this time.

I know, […]

I want to be strong for my husband and my kids, but I don’t know how I can go on much longer.  I have been sick for 2 years now, and no one knows what’s wrong with me.  I’ve been in pain every day, and it’s making me a worse and worse person.  When my husband and I first met he was so in love with me, and now he can’t stand me.  He tells me that it’s not my fault and he loves me, but I can tell that he doesn’t.  I’m just a burden to him.  He won’t admit it but I can […]

I am only 5’5″ tall, which is really short for an 18 yrs old male like me. Almost everyone, including girls that I would like to date are much taller than me. I am always ashamed when I am around people. People never take me seriously and I have been bullied and insulted because of my height many times. It amazes me to see that how many people are complete jackasses who judge people by their appearances. It is as if it is taught to them that short people aren’t people, they have no feelings, you can insult and bully them to for sick plesure […]

You make me the happiest, but you make me the worst. With you I feel Complete but I also feel lost. I need you in my live but you make it harder to fight. I’d do everything, even If that means ruin myself for you.

If I had a dollar for everytime I have heard someone use that phrase (in reference to anyone, not just me), I would be a millionaire. It is difficult to even dream of getting more “help” when you have taken every medication available for anxiety and depression and talked to a variety of counselors only to have it all blow up in your face. The medication made me put on fifty pounds (which took almost two years to lose) and the last counselor I was seeing told me word for word that I was a selfish coward for even considering suicide. Years later, all of that wasted time, effort and […]