I may be young but my life is crumbled.My problem is not as serious as you people who take drugs and cut themselves because you are seriously hurt.I just feel like a piece of s***. I keep smiling in my life holding back my real feelings but that just makes me feel worse it makes me feel like i want to explode! My friends are not my real friends my family only critisize my every move i have no freedom.i feel like i want to die. I told myself that if i go through this hardship then god will reward me with heaven.but no. I […]
Red rush from the entry
The shining blade hovers like a sentry
The tremor travels though my hand
Until I can no longer stand
Sensation shakes my body
And shakes the numbness encased in me
Escape at last
From the future and past
Fading at last
The blackout approaching fast
But numbness persists
So I must assist…
Drive it home down to bone
Truly alone
My heart a darkening stone
As its beat begins to lose tone
Dear Mia,
If it’s 2 am and you find yourself in a world of complete despair, please don’t turn to strangers on the internet for help, like I once did.
Please climb into bed with me and I will hold you until the demons sleep. If it’s Monday morning and you are too sad to move, I won’t force you. School can wait, work can wait.
I will go buy us ice cream and we will watch your favorite TV shows and I will remind you of your importance. If you feel as if you have no purpose, I will remind you that you were created entirely […]
I was the most picked on girl and I still am. Over the summer my mom and I got into many many fights. She had told me over and over that if I died her life would be perfect. So I started taking pills and cutting after almost one year of not cutting. She gets drunk one night and yells at me till I leave the house at ten. I walk to town almost six miles away. I sit down because all the pills kick in. Now I also must say I was drinking to that night. But after I sat down a cop pulled […]
I’ve been struggling for so long. I don’t understand why I hate myself so much. Why I don’t want to live. I want to be done. I want to be peaceful. I hate hating myself. I feel alone. I feel left out. I hate breathing. I feel isolated and alone. I want to go to sleep and never wake up.
Just sad. Thats all I am.
This is terminal, isn’t it? As in my time is pretty limited now. If suicide doesn’t get me in the end then anorexia sure will. I guess i’m pleased only im growing impatient. I know of very peaceful ways i can die. And yet i still sit here crying from the pain. I’m on the verge of making an official plan when i’ve only ever gone by spontaneous crisis moments before.
I’ve been in an endless suicidal episode recently. This just has got to stop. Am just trying to make it through this night without resorting to an overdose. Please make […]
I can’t sleep again, had to wash down another thorazine. I want to paint the walls red but I know it will get me nowhere but scarred for life however long that spark may live on. I am ruminating on my panic attack earlier this week right in the middle of class, the professor sent me home “sick”, I almost jumped off the roof… But I know better (been there, done that). I don’t want to die really, I just want to be free of turmoil and strife. What happens when we die, what do you think? Are we doomed to repeat this miserable life […]
i know how im going to do it its just a matter of getting the materials without raising suspicion. after i have everything i need in hand im gone. though its going to take some time.
It’s after midnight and depression took over. I’m sitting in my room with some candles burning and doom metal playing in the background, writing this. I feel alone. Isolated. There is no one to talk to right now. It’s just me versus me. God, it is so tempting to die right now.
I was the most happy child, I grew up in a little village with my mum, dad and big sister. Perfect.
My dad used to get so angry, he was violent with me and my sister. My mum was scared of him, but she’d always try and stop him. My mum was depressed, living in isolation with 2 small children and a husband always down the pub. My sister has autisum, but back then my mum was told she was just being ‘difficult’. Sometimes mum would get angry, her eyes would go red and pop out her head, her face would change, she’d look so […]
I am a diagnosed bipolar, twenty year old girl. And maybe it is just the depression talking. But I am so lost and I’m so on my own. I’m scared.
Fear is my biggest problem. Im so scared of everything. Scared to be on my own. Scared to run. Scared to hide. Scared to fly incase I fall. Scared to risk it all. Scared to die.
To die would be an awfully big adventure.
I’ve sat on my bed on days when I’m all alone in the house. I’ve taken pills, washed them down with vodka. But as soon as it started to hurt i made myself […]
I realized, im not scared to jump off the Golden Gate Bridge, I decide to give life another chance, but everytime I do, I come back 🙁
My dad just called and he knows I cut and he found my rope, he sounded worried
It is now November, and I am still here. I’d be lying to say that I am happy. I’d be lying to say things are fine. Nevertheless, things are easier. Things are not as sad. I am able to sleep with less trouble. I can keep my mind off the bad things more easily, without bigger distractions.
Hopefully, things will keep improving. We shall see.
Either way, for now, I’m still here.
damn. 19, nearly 20 and I’m still a distant son to my parents. I haven’t seen them in years.
never has it really been any different.
I really don’t want to spout the same generic things that people would expect to hear.
I don’t want to be just another. I hope no one reads this. Its like letting the public know
but hoping they close their eyes, and don’t listen
neglectfulness fills my life.
I was in hopspital 3 years ago, I was a lot worse then.
I was really gone back then…I can’t remember much of it.
But now, although the doctors shone that light in […]
Sorry for all the posts today.. but i needed to write this down somewhere…
I’ve been having these slight and subtle flashbacks to who I was and how my character was before all this mess took over.. I can almost feel that person trying to lighten my spirits.. it has me in tears
Is it real? Or another hallucination.. I’m afraid to let it lead me. I don’t know if it’s the devil in disguise, waiting for me to let my guard down.
How did I even get to this… why did I ever come here? And when I’m not here, why am I this […]
Should I think to give it all,
In a world where not much
Ever seems to last long?
And it is my own fault. I dropped out of college after 2 years, moved to another town where I got into drugs and other things, and fell on my face. After that I moved back to my hometown where I met a new women. We moved in together and I became a part of her family with her 3 children…sounds like I rebounded wonderfully right? Nope, ruined that too. Lost my job and the only way she doesn’t get evicted is if I move. I borrowed money to delay the process, but now I owe family that money and I do not have it. So […]
After the dawn has come, and the moon no longer crest..the shadows on the walls still don’t seem to rest. Could be a day to forgive angels and saints..but the blood I’ve drawn is purely symbols for the pain.. and though it seems these ghosts should rest..they wait in the corner for me like a silence breaking breath.. take a single breath, followed by a three..double back to gasp for more, while choking down a fourth, and a fifth.. a day I won’t be fighting for..a day that won’t be missed..
Bring the morning sun, as to show I’m not too far.. far away from […]
Your eyes are always so red and tired.
You were the one who taught me Endurance, but one day, the bottle’s gonna be filled up. There’s got to be a limit.
Aren’t there times you just want to scream, to shout and to throw things around?
How long can you stand, how long more can you endure?
On my way to hell…I passed a lonely church.. the congregation weakened by the warnings of the words.. scriptures toppling proverbs under a deceitful preacher’s curse.. what would they have to say, as they lay me into dirt… many places you can turn but where he goes is worse… don’t be this man you see inside, instead we close the box for good..lay it down to rest, pave it over as we should..
no need for leaving markers we seek to find one day.. if you listen hard enough, you can hear a dead man say.. heaven never had me, and claims of shallow graves.. […]