the pain and heartache. no one really cares your supposed to get over it.   even if the pain and abuse and mistreatment continues no more crying no more tears life goes on, sure not like this

where did it all go so wrong. it wasn’t just one event but a build up a slow etching away of humanity and life, you take away this and I settle for that. then this and this and this and  that is gone.  Wait there is more to lose and I settle for that…no that is not enough this is gone too and even more…no walks in the park, no hugging your dog no gong to work and put up with the regular BS, no family to talk to, no face to recognize…. NOTHING left  of value or importance, what left too look forward too

I am sick of crying every day!  big people don’t cry, right?  Sick of it !!! Tired of all the BS. I really want to go on with my life I really do but something is always at the heart,  major issue!!!!  I have thought about suicide since I was a child and being molested by both parents….took my virginity…thanks Dad. I know, no one wants to hear about sexual & mental abuse, too uncomfortable, oh well, its out there every day !!!! The stats are highly under reported and disgusting.  I moved to this apartment because there is a garage and that is a really […]

I had a rough life since the day I was born i’ve been attempting to overcome hardships one after another after another with no break in between. I had my heart broken not once but twice by the same jerk of a guy. I had lost hope stopped believing in the possibility of anything good. Recently I realized, I forgive my ex and have truly let him go and all the feelings with him. That’s not to say that the memories are gone or that there isn’t pain, because there still is. I do want to love someone and be loved by someone a healthier […]

…I’m giving up on you.

Tonight feels right. My heart is heavy, but this gun feels so light. Tonight is right.
Goodbye.

I want to find the way so I could talk to him, and tell him that
here everything’s worst. That my will is dead, that I would like
to have a change to hug him, I want everything to be as it was,
my life is so grey that the pain will never go away.

I want to remember, that it’s better not to believe in love.
I should hate him for leaving me here, I’m just a nostalgic
lovesick person, that hates feeling like this.

Well well…seems like every time I take a trip down memory lane to this site, there’s oodles of new people and none of my old friends left…I wonder if they ever visit? Anyway, hey guys. Name’s Blake SinBad and I thought I’d let you know that I’m always open to talk or vent to if you need a hand or someone to listen to you. Totally free from judgement of any sort. I promise.

email: frejashinepaws@gmail.com
kik: xXFrejaShinePawsXx
Tumblr: just click on my link and use my ask box
Phone: HAHAHAAHAHHAHA no.

Sometimes I find that strangers are the best form of medicine…

I promise I’m not a […]

I’m just honestly sad about school and everything. It honestly sucks that everyone judges you on everything so I basically have no friends. I just want to talk to someone about what I honestly feel because I can never talk to someone about it at school because it spreads. I don’t think I can smile everyday pretending everything is alright

Well, my life is kinda not how I pictured it. I grew up in a broken family where no one cared for one another. When I was 5-6 years old my  father chased my mother and me in a car chase with the intend of killing her but I will never know about me. He was nuts, I’m guessing he was possibly on drugs or something. Then, my parents divorced.  I was sent to boarding school for 1st and 2nd grade.  I didn’t see much of my parents, my mother was lost and who knows where my father was.  Then I floated from one school […]

I simply don’t know how to feel about this anymore… I’ve been planning this for nearly a month now… And now that my time has come, I don’t know if I”m ready… no one from my family would miss me, none of them even care about me. If anything, they hate everything about me, from the sound of my voice to the fact that I exist. I’ve already tried countless times before, why is it that this time seems so much more difficult… I don’t know whats wrong with me anymore… it doesn’t matter though, because, this time I’ve planned the whole thing out, and […]

i wish everyone could see it that way…my body, my choice. if you were trapped in a hellish world wouldnt you want out?? why do i have to suffer so you dont have to? i hate myself, i hate everything about me. i am sick. i have legitimate diagnosis. why must i have to deal with them for the rest of my life?

yes there are ups and downs, but my downs are so bad and last so long the ups arent worth the pain of the downs. its my body, my choice. i should choose if i want to live or die. my life will […]

i always have this plan in the back of my head. a way out when things get too much. i have attempted in the past (tomorrow is my one year out of the psych ward! which is a huge accomplishment because i cannot tell you when the last time i made it a full year without some sort of admission). my plan is simple. find a favorite spot on a beautiful sunny cool day. find a bench or a place on the grass. drink the water bottle that i would have previously opened capsules of meds and dissolved in the water. and fade away in […]

I’m still feeling lonely, like a failure, and hopeless. I have a big project tomorrow and I have to present for over 5mins and my social anxiety is making me stressed. I tried hanging myself today and I did for about under a minute and I was fighting to breathe, unfortunately I was able to hold up on to a tree with my legs and lift myself up. Before I was to much of *****, but everyday I push myself a bit more.

So for the past year or so ive been thinking about a suicide daily, life’s so hard at the minute.. my ex girlfriend lives two doors down from me which im still madly in love with and think about her daily. its so messed up for me i mean i can get off my bed and look out my window and her windows there.. recently lost my job. can honestly say i have just one friend and shes 41. no male friends. no interaction with girls. removed my fb account the other week. and on top of everything i have a cyst on my bollock […]

4 days left,
and I don’t really know how to get sorted.
Or if I even should sort things.

Got notes written to those that matter, several notes actually, don’t really know which to choose. Do I use the short? the long? the one that tries to explain as much as possible, while reassuring, so feelings don’t get hurt “too” much?
Do I even use one? Should I leave nothing, or just write on the wall: “Fuck it, doesn’t matter anyway” ?

Should I clean everything up nice and tidy? Leave a mess? Just let everything be as it is, so it shows how much a mess […]

I am used to winning. I am used to getting what I want through hard work and determination.

However, my life is a failure.

I’m pretty sure that I will never work my dream job. My grades from 4 years ago are so shitty that I will never be able to get over them.

Every friend I have every made has moved on with thier life.

i still live with my parents.

There is no happiness in my life. All i want to do is be able to work hard so that I can achieve my dreams. But it seems like that is impossible now.

Should I end it. Or should […]

What is a smile? I think it goes without saying that people define a smile in different ways. Some say a smile is a way to tie everything together. Some say a smile is the glue that keeps you together when you are falling apart. Still others say a smile is a way to reassure people around you that you are doing fine.

But..

What if I said that for me, a smile is a way of hiding?

A way of hiding what I really feel from those around me?

A way of hiding from the sadness that is just lingering beneath the surface?

Because […]

Wandering alone at night..

..If this is where you are supposed to be

The crying..

.. the pain

Is this all worth it..

.. Having to hold & cry yourself to sleep

Where is the light..

.. in this dark and lonely planet

Pre-thought: Though this isn’t my typical depressive rant-type style of writing, it’s still majorly important. I would like feedback on what you guys think.. Anyway..

Today, as I was scrolling through my news feed on Facebook, flipping through pictures, I came across an interesting topic.. Can kids/teenagers have depression? Umm.. DUHH. Yeah, they can. I would know, seeing as I have depression. I’ve had it for most of my life. However, there was this guy on there that disagreed with this STRONGLY. So strongly, in fact, that he went as far as to generalize all types of depression into one category (and certainly a category excluding […]