How am I supposed to live like this? I’m not allowed to mess up,nt allowed to be different. At least that’s how it feels. No one will understand me. No one can ever know about what I do. The kind of things I contemplate. IM IN MIDDLE SCHOOL!!! I’m not supposed to think like this, I’m supposed to walk around and gossip, and talk about boa like the rest of the boys. I’m not supposed to keep a razor hiden in my room, in not supposed to look forward to being alone, I’m nt supposed to go home as fast as I can do I […]
I keep thinking about cutting again. I haven’t done it in several years. But something should make me feel better. The surrogate relationship I’m trying to let happen only makes me feel worse. Fucking virgins. I got out of the cherry chasing game a long time ago. Why cant she see that I will destroy her? I never cut for the pain. I have a high pain tolerance so it doesn’t really hurt much. I just like watching the blood. Watching the life trickle out of me. Watching it course down my skin until it drips. Wishing I was selfish enough to let out all […]
So I am still in school and just Friday I got jumped on my way to school when I got there got thrown down the stairs, my head slammed against the lockers till I broke my nose, put in a head lock and dragged down the hallway, and got locked out of the bilding, and then suspended for throwing one punch even though by shirt was coved in blood from my nose and you could not even tell they got hit all because I am transgender and later that day my family gave me a 6 page letter on why I should kill myself and […]
Someone kill me please. I want to die. Who would care and know? Oh yes, the people that get things from me, want things from me. Those are the only people who care. The rest don’t give a damn. Why am I here? Struggling and straining to be normal. Fighting to keep my moods up or level? What’s the damn point? Who do I help by existing? No one. Only those who would bleed me out to use me and abuse me. Those are the only souls that surround me. The ones that bound me.
The rest are pretenders. Offenders. Holier than thou. I’m better than […]
Hi,
I’m Velvet. I don’t want to kill myself, but I am thinking about it. I’m thinking about it because part of me hates myself. I have no one who would really give a damn. The people that are close to me, either take advantage of me or abuse or dismiss me. So, I am nothing and nobody to anyone. So, what’s the point?
That’s basically it for now. I’m at the bottom of a huge, big barrel that’s always been there, waiting for me. Waiting to absorb me.
Well, I don’t know if I should stay in bed all day tomorrow and lick my wounds, or if […]
I’ve always struggled with depression, and thoughts of suicide. Not sure why, just can’t seem to shake this ball of acid in my chest -. Anger/misery/disappointment. The focus sometimes dwindles but never entirely cuts off. and every time it comes back it gets more intense. Just under a month ago my best friend killed himself. We used to talk a lot about these feelings (we both shared). He obviously had enough of it all though. I just feel so fucking alone. I’ve wept every day since I found out. On top of this I’m experiencing severe body pains, my legs seem to be gradually failing […]
Hey guys, I’m 16 years old. and I am just trying to leave this house. I’m a disappointment to not only my parents, but my school, my sisters, and my life as well. I just wanted to know, how the hell am I supposed to get by. I’ve been kicked out of my house before, however the most I’ve spent is about 2 weeks outside before they allowed me back in. I just can’t stay here anymore. It not only will hurt them, but it’s eating me inside too. I can’t seem to see a future for myself. I’m flunking out of high school, I’m […]
You can see me down in that place where I try so hard to wave..my arms burdened by gravity holding them to my face.. so heavy and so hot..believe me or not it’s my fate. The next step I take means too much to take and so I’ve stood still waiting for my will again.
Repair these broken hands.. what is there left to grip? Repair this broken man for the sake of broken lips. Come apart to let you in and hold me down to fix.
Put me back the way I was and I’ll just fall apart again. Reconstruct this broken heart […]
StruggleOn here! Part fennec fox and part dead again. And I have nowhere to trust but here so…
Shit has been going on. Its all just bullshit though. You know when you try so hard for somebody but nothing makes them better? That’s kind of how this is. I don’t even care if it helps I just need it to be accepted. Again and again I am beat down. Hopelesness once again engulfed me. Now I’m stuck. I feel helpless and confused and wonder if I’ll ever deserve somebodies love…
Fuck. That practically sums up my past 7 years. I’m 16 years old and a junior in high school and I have given up. I’ve always wanted to go out, explore the world. But, there are certain things stopping me. I’m a pathological liar, and I have ruined every opportunity to make peace with my parents. I’m failing (all) my classes, I don’t have any type of extraordinary features, and I don’t believe I am worth saving. I have constantly wanted to commit suicide, but I never had the balls to do it. The couple times I did, I failed horribly. I don’t know if […]
I don’t want to kill myself..I want to live my life and be happy. I’m trying so hard to hold it together but I’m fucking it all up. I have so much to live for it shouldn’t be this fucking hard to stand confident.
I finally met this beautiful girl that likes me and wants to spend time and she’s already catching on to my depression. I’ve shown enough good parts of myself to make her see I’m a great guy but I literally can’t control the way I feel when I’m all alone. I’m fucking this all up. No, No this can’t be me..it […]
I had too, I needed the pain to get away from me. It was unbearable; work was terrible, my mom yelled at me called me a slut. So I needed to get ride of the pain. So I found my mom scissors and I toke it out on my arms. It stings but I like how it feels. I wish I could fix my life or at least leave it.
I burn so fierce, though the rain pours in drowning surge, it neither puts out my fire nor overwhelms my breath.
So I take another pill lying here in the gutter, trying to dampen the pain booze couldn’t quench. As wishes leave my heart, and mind realize the truth behind the naive, my eye glance at the wound on my wrist, and a small stream of red in the water rushing down, far into the distant. Seems the rain doesn’t erase at once.
Smiling, as another pill is swallowed, for my broken bones ache so bad from the fall. Such luck to land […]
I’m excited.
For nearly a month now, I have lost so many things in a matter of seconds, I never have time to cope with any of it, and I just can’t take the pain anymore as well… Seems like for as long as I can remember all I’ve gotten to feel is pain, pain, pain and more pain… Endless, never ending and unrelenting amounts of pain… It just never stops… it just keeps growing and growing, like an ocean that expands over the land, swallowing all in its path.
There just doesn’t seem to be any reason for me to exist at all anymore, no one wants […]
Admins have kindly allowed me back as long as I don’t ‘threaten, harass or stalk’ another member.
Words fail me but whatevs guys.
A week ago my girlfriend told me that she found something out. She said she’d found a new fetish. I didn’t ask what, I asked how. How did you find it out? She said I didn’t want to know. I hate her. She hurt me so bad. That night I cut my wrist up bad and there’s still blood all over. Traces of the pain. Now whenever I look at her I suck it up because I do fucking love her. She hurt me so bad.
Right now I’m about to do one of the things that’s going to affect me for the rest of the day and on into next week. Yard work. Sounds dumb, right?
I’m going to go out there for a couple hours to pick up the leaves and the entire time there’s going to be a nagging feeling that the neighbors are watching me out their windows and telling their spouses something like “look at wtf he’s doing. He doesn’t know wtf he’s doing, he’s doing it wrong. How the fuck could he not know how do it it? I mean it’s about time anyways because I’m […]
My best friend well maybe friend thinks I’m crazy or looking for attention.I just want some help and I have no other friends really.Last night since we got in a fight about this(we fight a lot).after I got really upset and frustrated and kept looking up less painful ways to committ suicide.idk what to do I wanna kill myself so bad but at the same time I don’t cause there’s too many factors that come in to play and what if I go to hell???:(
..
But we all know that answer. Today’s adventures included going to Skyzone. It’s a place where the walls and floors are trampolines. Needless to say, I had never before been on a trampoline. It was amusing, but while everyone who went was laughing anand joking around, I was hanging in the background like I do at every social event, making sure I was making the proper “happy face” and laughing at the correct volume. I wish I could say I had fun, but I honestly didn’t feel anything….well, I did jump into the foam pit and army crawled out because I’m too short to climb […]