Please let me go already,my body my mind I can’t deal with them they won’t listen to me I’m going insane and nobody cares,I don’t want future I don’t want past I don’t want present I just want to disappear from this world,I don’t want more nightmares I don’t want more thoughts I don’t want more fears I don’t want more agony please let me go. PLEASE BEFORE I LOST IT COMPLETELY PLEASE LET ME GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Finished up my goodbye video today, probably a little prematurely. Still have to order my ******** tank, but what the hell? If I die of natural causes in the next few days I’m ahead of the curve.
I shouldn’t be jealous
i shouldn’t be annoying
i shouldn’t ask questions
i shouldn’t be concerned about anything
I shouldn’t care
i should go back to how I used to be
i need to be normal
i need to be happy
i need to improve on my communication skills
but why can’t I just be me?
Nothing I ever do it good enough for anyone. I’ve been trying so hard for work and so hard in all my relationships and everyone looks at me as a problem. I wish these thoughts in my head would stop I wish I could look past how much everyone is fed up with me. I can’t all I can think is how much easier on everyone it would be if I just wasn’t around.
I’m in law school. I’m kicking ass in law school. I’ve got a great (paid) job this summer. I’m competitively seeking jobs for next summer already.
And I’m a fucking drunk. I probably wouldn’t need both hands to count the number of times in the past year that I haven’t had at least 3-4 drinks before bed.
And I fucking hate myself.
And I feel pathetic for hating myself, when my future is unfolding before me.
I have, deliberately (or almost so), sabotaged everything in my life. For the most part, it worked. Now, as I stand at actually having a career, every attempt I make at sabotage is […]
Will S.P.s resident Hamster Hole Extraordinaire “Thanatos” persue his newly discovered RAW GENIUS rap skills and TASTY hard-hitting lyrics all the way to the TOP? Recent Vegetable HATE themed slurs and Hard-Hitting innuendo about “Peacenicks” and “Treehuggers” are igniting flames of controversy.The word in the SP backalleys, among the gallows-humor Elite ,and the UltraNeurotic underground IS that EVERYBODYS favorite GrumpyGus is just engaging in some diversionary Shit talking BECAUSE of a contentious story with several conflicting versions.Our most reliable source tell us:T-Hampster(still ironing out the rap name…T-Hole? Are you creative?-postt all your great ideas!)) He was sexually assaulted while hiking naked with nothing but a […]
The past few months have been utter hell. The love of my life dumped me and since we have the same friends, they all dumped me too. I used to live in a house with all of them and now I am out cold on my own. I have done absolutely nothing to my friends to hurt them, yet they have been cruel to me for no reason and ditched me. They were my friends first. They ditched me because they couldn’t be assed to help me out, he wasn’t hurt, so oh let’s all side with him and leave her for the rats. I […]
I am depressed, but I keep the thoughts to myself. Suppressing my sadness with a fake smile and loud laugh. I did what I was told to do everyday but yet,I always wake up from my sleep feeling empty .
I have no reason to live but I don’t want my mom to be upset and devastated, walking to my room seeing her lifeless child on the bed with a gun and bed sheets dripping with blood.
But I also cannot bear the feeling of being completely alone and empty, so I made a deal to myself.
In 2016, I will put an end to my depression, if […]
It’s never ending. Every time I recover I get hit with another blow. I’ve made it through trial after trial, never knowing how I ended up on the other side alive. I’m not going to tell my life’s story in my first post on this site, but I will give some insight. I’ve lived the majority of my life alone. What time I was around people; “family”, shelters, fosters, etc.; I always felt different, unwelcome, crazy. I’ve contemplated my death since the beginning of my memories, in a way it fascinates me. I’ve just never had the balls to actually go through with it, I […]
Haiku-for Thanatos
Pedantic and mardy
You go too far,Hamster-Hole
You need a swift kick
Haiku#2 for Thanatos
You said Plagiarize
Its called Active Listening
My fell assassin
Haiku#3 for Thanatos
One eye to the past
Unrequited, star fading
See you Space Cowboy
Believe it or not but i am only 13. I might as well begin with I have attempted suicide numerous amount of times; Cutting, Hanging an this might sound ridiculous but putting a knife in a toaster. Every time it ended up with me getting hurt and my mother covering it up as she thought if anyone knew i would be taken away from her. My Mother is mentally ill might i add (bipolar and depression). I myself have depression and it brings me down like a ton of bricks (correct me if i am using that phrase wrong) it brings me down to states […]
Why is everyone so obsessed with this world? As in this existence with earth and the solar system and our god?
Part of the reason I’ve felt alone for so long is because I never really felt like I was in the right place. I’ve always had a feeling like im not suppose to be in this world.I just never really belonged. im positive there are other worlds out there worlds with diferent planets and creatures and different gods.wanna know what my deathwish is?. When I die I would like for my soul to be taken to a completely different world…a different existence.I guess I […]
I love the way that life hands me extra frustration when I am already feeling more pain than I can withstand. There is nothing to do but distract myself, try to find pleasure in simple things and endure the experience until it finally ends.
I get so tired of looking up, of putting a happy face over my perceptions and soldiering on. But there really is nothing else to do except feel raw pain distinctly. Does that help me?
I keep having intrusive thoughts about choices that I regret having made and about how my life compares to the life that I hoped to live. […]
I’m 23 years old. Female. Hispanic. I’ve always had suicidal thoughts for as long as I could remember. I know it first started when I was 12. Broke a pocket mirror in my mom’s car and tried to cut myself with the broken pieces. I remember taking a sewing class in school and I would pierce the needle in a pinch of the skin on my left forearm. After a while it didn’t hurt anymore. Being a teenage girl I understand my reasons for not feeling a ton of pain with my self inflicting pain. I was a constant victim of bullying throughout my entire […]
i was doing great, my life was going in the right direction just got a new job, i was moving up in the world but of course the universe had to laugh in my face and take away one of the things that mattered the most in my life. 2 weeks ago my best friend and i had a difficult talk. long story short she told me that we couldn’t be friends any more because it would be better for both of us and it would save us a headache in the long run. its funny how when you think your life is great it […]
As this summer toils on, I’m left contemplating how things change in life. I’ve spent the last four months watching my life degrade. Losing people who meant the world to me, losing my job. Watching things that I used to enjoy and even take a bit of pleasure in wither away. But mostly I’ve been thinking about how different I thought this summer would be. Instead of planning my death, right now I was supposed to be planning my wedding. Instead of watching people slip away, I was supposed to be preparing to welcome a child within the next year or so. Now, I find […]
I feel lost and scared. I am stuck in a rut with work and school. I am not the person I thought I would be at this point in my life.. Just don’t feel like I can turn to anyone. I have had bad thoughts running through my head too often and they keep coming. The people I could talk to have vanished I don’t know how to continue on faking like I’m okay. I don’t know how to life live knowing I’m not who I want to be and trying to change doesn’t satisfy anyone they want immediate change and I can’t provide that
Let the bodies hit the floor
Let the bodies hit the floor
Let the bodies hit the floooooor
Beaten why for (why for)
Can’t take much more
Here we go!
Here we go!
Here we go!
One – Nothing wrong with me
Two – Nothing wrong with me
Three – Nothing wrong with me
Four – Nothing wrong with me
One – Something’s got to give
Two – Something’s got to give
Three – Something’s got to give
Now
Let the bodies hit the floor
Let the bodies hit the floor
Let the bodies hit the flooooor
Let the bodies hit the floor
Let the bodies hit the floor
Let the bodies hit the flooooor
Now!
Push me again
This is the end
Here we go!
Here we go!
Here we go!
One […]
Its like a cancer of the soul. Many years of pain and suffering, and the only thing that makes it better is bad things. I dont wanna live. I dont always wanna die. Im like in a limbo or something.
I’ve been gone for a while. i was better, or i thought i was better. i guess not. i went to training this summer to be a camp counsellor. i met so many friends and i stopped self harming. i was happy for the first time in years. but now, it’s suddenly hit down like a pile of bricks and i dont even have the energy to leave the house or talk to anyone. i have absolutely nobody to talk to and no friends left who care. i started cutting again. i feel so completely alone and this crushing feeling of sadness won’t go away. […]