i feel nothing i laugh and cry druing the day then i come to this were i feel nothing did the day meen anything i whant to cry and evrey tiem i get cloce to the tears i yern for thay stop i whant to feel the blood run down my arm agine i whant to feel sick as i look at it agine i whant her as i wrote that the tears have come i whant her llike it was i felt the change when she got bad it felt like a punch in the belly

i havent thought this in a long time because im […]

I fell in love at the wrong time. Sometimes, yes, id love a rewind. I say all the bad made me good. But now it’s just bad. And Im bad. I dont trust anyone anymore, im falling away from them on purpose. Too scared of myself to let others in. A feeling akin to a state of dreaming, but Im awake. I feel submerged under water, I like it because nothing can sink as far as I have. Solitude is heaven. Im trying to start anew but everything is too wound up to undo. All I’ve got to trust are my subconscious thoughts.

This time i thought everything was ok..i thought it was all going to be better…but here i am again..scared of everyone that looks at me..wondering what the hell they think…thinking they think i am insane… am i insane? i feel like everyone is watching me all the time..watching what i do… judging me..my logical mind knows this is not true..people have so much more to think about in the day..not everything is about me..but why is that how i feel..why do i feel like they are all judging me for every action i take..no matter how small… good or bad..

i feel like everything i do […]

If you’ve ever tried to commit suicide and failed, the doctors tell you to spend as much time as possible with friends and people you care about. At the same time, we are told from every possible place – books, magazine articles, tv *doctors*, to cut out the people in your life who are bringing you down. There is no place to turn. This speaks volumes about this culture and society; it speaks to me. It tells me that if I’m a downer, people will cut me out of their life. That leaves suffering in silence. A 45 minute session with my shrink once a […]

Anorexia nervosa has been romanticised to look like a fragile butterfly encrusted with pretty white diamonds and pearls.
It is better to be sick than healthy.

You know how odd it is, whenever i cry over you .. you text me? Like is this some sick joke? All i want is to hate you but seems to me that will be impossible. I’m so unhappy with life and you just make it worse.. Well today i told Rj i’m tired of being there for everyone else but no one is there for me and i listen to EVERYONE, but yet i have no one? All he said was ‘You need to let people in…’ How can i let people in when my best-friend’s cat scratched her one day and she was […]

I live in constant fear, I react to everything in an exaggerated way, I have also hypersensitivity to sounds and to touch.

Low self esteem because psychological child abuses, I am all ways the different guy that everyone doesn’t want to go along. With a neurologic syndrome where is very difficult to identify feelings and other things that makes very very hard to establish relationships with others.

All this drains my energy so much that I fall into depressed states with constant toughts of suicide and stop all this shit. Have attempted before but pain was too much strong that I couldn’t cut just deep enough. Also I […]

Hi.I’m New Here And I’m Glad I Found This Site.I Can Relate To Almost Half The Posts I’ve Read Here.Dying Inside,Dead,Suicidal Attempts And Fantasies.During The Day,I’m ur Typical 20year Old Girl.Popular,Socialite,Pretty Slim,Bubbly.Heck I Make The Jokes Half The Time.But The Nights..The Nights Are The Worst.The Real Me Emerges.A Pretty,Empty Vessel,Disturbed Girl,So Broken,So Torn.I Used To Self Mutilate Becoz The Pain I Inflicted On The Outside Was Better Than The One I Felt Inside.Sometimes(all the time)I Just Wanna Sleep And Never Wake Up,I Dont Want To Do Anything Or See People.I Question Anyone That Claims To Love Me.Becoz I Love Myself.Infact,I Hate Myself.So Its Really Difficult […]

My mother’s schizo finally did it, she can’t work anymore, still doesn’t admit she needs treatment, I don’t know if she’s taking her meds but knowing her it’s the last thing she’ll do, it’s way too nice to make my life even more of a hell. I can’t earn more, I can’t get a better job, or I can’t get a second job, whether she accepts it or not. Nobody understands me. I don’t, either. Why do I still care who’s gonna take care of her when I’m dead, I don’t know! I definitely don’t want to do anything for her anymore. Yet I still […]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7zVEhWUGcX8

Found a place to stay in Northern of Arizona, in a nice little place with another individual, whom accepted my inquiry with my personal background detail (from Craigslist room-rent ads). Anyway, I hope it works out.

Also now, I am seeking out a vagabond-comrade that wants to journey with me and train, to help combat my current strife in life; to abate my symptom of debilitating “sinus-inflammation,” amongst other stricken factors, by wholistic healing, to train to be healthy in it’s highest sense and level. If you’re down, you can come along to the place and stay as a personal guest and friend, I should be […]

I’m new here so I hope I don’t stuff this. I’ve been feeling really down now for about 8 years. I’ve made many soft attempts at suicide, I guess in an attempt to get help. I am becoming more and more depressed to a point where I can’t function in almost any way. I used to have such pride and such a desire to keep trying even if I felt all the demons circling me every day. Now I couldn’t care less about anything and I miss caring even if it was in a small way. I have nothing going on in my life. I’ve […]

About a month ago I OD’d on heroin and wound up in the hospital. Ever since I’ve been getting what I think are panic attacks, where I feel like I can’t breathe and that I’m about to suffocate. Even in A&E the psychologist didn’t take me seriously but I am seriously messed up… I’ve been waiting 2 months to see a psychiatrist after stating I was suicidal because she cancels the appointments but I can’t sleep for days, I have auditory hallucinations (hear people say things about me when they’re not), extreme paranoia and I’m afraid to leave the house. If that ***** has the […]

if I went to bed tonight and never woke back up.

I am trapped in this piss-poor body under piss-poor circumstance. How come so many people can be content with mediocrity and I can’t?

Fuck being human.

There is so much fear. I want to go back to school this fall to finish my degree but I’m not sure how I am going to survive. I had big dreams of graduating and going on to MIT for graduate program or even just getting a job and being responsible. I feel like I am falling apart here. I feel as though I am either normal or depressed and not functioning. I don’t trust medication and I don’t trust the doctors who screwed me over. I became depressed on birth control, then took Prozac, was abusing Adderall in between to finish deadlines and the whole […]

Life’s just one great big illusion.

People telling you how to live your life, how to look, how to act, how to feel.

But screw all that.

We’re all the same.

Even if you’re always getting the short end of the stick and the asshole next to you’s rich.

Just remember that it’s all some big illusion, you’re the one who’s the better person.

Music qoute of the day: “America spells competition, join us in our blind ambition, get yourself a brand new motor car. Someday soon we’ll stop to ponder what on earth’s this spell were under, we made the grade and still we wonder who the hell we are.” – […]

My Psychologie teacher wants to do it as a class activity… And she wants me to open up and tell my story… because she found out that I had gone through things and stuff. Still I don’t want to do it. I mean there’re people who I just don’t want to find out about me… It’s personal.. not for her to share it.

What do you really care for me bastard? You spend your whole lunch hour speaking to your ex. I bet you never called her an ugly slut bastard. I bet you didn’t come home and belittle her bastard. What am I to you bastard? A means to live and eat until your compensation comes through bastard? Did you ever flick ciggerettes at her bastard? Did you ever pour beer on her head bastard? I’ll show you and your ex bastard! I can’t legally get you to leave the house bastard but once you open that bedroom door this afternoon and find my pale body hanging […]

Nearly fifty years ago a young woman screamed and pushed and laboured for nearly fifty hours and finally squeezed out a dead baby girl. The doctors in attendance worked on the tiny body and forced some “life” into it. The baby girl has never forgiven them for compelling her participation in a life that has never fit. Although her parents did everything they could, she always felt like something wasn’t right. She had acquaintances, even a few mates, but not one friend – ever. She never understood the crowd and it never accepted her. Even when she gravitated to the other misfits as a young […]