Lol. Can’t wait until the day I die…. Maybe I won’t go to a world full of pink ponies but at least I will no longer be on this evil planet.  Every time I think I have hope, it goes crashing down into oblivion.  I have no future. Die young. I’m sitting here smoking cigarettes, and waiting until I can dip gummy bears in a glass of whiskey. I hate being alone.  I can’t stand going to clubs, every time I am in a disco i just […]

had huge fight with sister
anger resurfaced
pain grew
hurt more
insulted
almost pushed down stairs
hit
slapped
punched
shoved around
lots of tears
35 minute call
tears
silent treatment
broken

Certainly not the spiritual kind, just an emotionally and physically abusive, narcissistic and controlling human woman.

It feels like only one of us will make it out of this war alive. On nights like tonight I often think about taking the situation into my own hands and exiting this war on my own terms. I’m tired and I’m dreary.

Then I’m reminded that I fight back harder every single time. Tonight, when physical abuse came at me, I did not allow it. I fought back, I defended myself physically. That was my first time.

There must be something in that, I wouldn’t be fighting so hard if I […]

Thatz enough!! I cant take it anymore.
I am suiciding..right now
Bye. :'( :'( :'(

Today I had to see the doctor. He upped my medication. I went about my errands ignoring the everyday,past and future stresses that plague my mind, constant racing to be on work on time, get paid this week, please my loved one and not crash and burn. The bustle on the other hand gives my life substance but I feel a balance will fall askew. My job in sales gives me a certain social interaction I have craved in my life but it has also shown me the harsh truth about human kind and their mindset. People and their brains are easily manipulated and like […]

I stopped into a bar the other day for a pint of new castle, on my way home from work of course!
I sat down, not too many folks at the bar..a couple playing pool! Anyways..
I’m sitting there and this (kinda) young dude is sitting there talking it up with the tendie, sounding like he had had a few already. So I’m sitting there just sorta chiming in on conversations going on, sipping my ale… And then me and this young dude get to talking about death and old age.
We both made it plain in our opinions that living past a certain age […]

I am 15 and unfortunately a depressed and frustrated girl. I never had a normal life. I had all kinds of bitter experiences uptil now. My life lacks one thing the most ‘LOVE’ …I wish someone special would be there in my life who would magically fix everything up and would love and care for me so much that i wont feel depressed anymore.

I’m sad to say i know you are the only ones who truly understand.

Today is the day didn’t think i could but yeah i can and  will.

Honestly I’m ready to end up my life this time. Its very hard to let myself keep survive and put a side for all the issues I had in my life. Its make me always felt hurt & cries everytime I look in myself.

When 10 yrs ago, if my first time suicide succeed, probably this time I’ll no need do more cruel action on myself. Absolutely this time I’ll no more use pills and its was right taking pills could not put in death. What a waste action, but this time I’m surely my 2nd action for suicide and die will be success.

I’m […]

I don’t know why I have to have depression. I don’t think it’s fair that I have to sit up every night crying about not being loved and cared for by people that truly mean so much to me. To be up all night wishing I was better. Nicer. Prettier. Skinnier. Smarter. Funnier. I don’t think it’s fair for me to want to die. I’m not perfect. I’ve messed up more times then I could ever remember. But was really so bad that now I have to live like this for the rest of my life? I’ve been trying everything to become happy. I want […]

Suicide.

A word whispered in our home on and off over the past 30 years. I attempted suicide when I was 17 and almost succeeded. I went on to ‘be normal’ with threats of ECT and other drugs. So I tried to act as ‘normal’ as one possibly could with the childhood I had. I watched my mother be beaten to a bloody pulp, moved so many times I lost count, was molested and have never felt like I ‘belonged’. Eventually I started going to church which helped a lot and the panic attacks subsided and I went on to earn a […]

Not depressed coz somebody died. He was old, never knew him well, he was my paternal uncle, he barely cared for his own kids let alone me.

I braved my social anxiety to attend the funeral. I had an idea what it would be like, and I’m not sorry I went. I was dreading being asked what I do etc. That didn’t happen.

No, I was a part of something, accepted and my presence unconditionally valued as I am a family member and this branch of my family are very keen on family.

It was a nice short service at the crematorium, and there was no God stuff, […]

Hello. My name is Django, that’s really all I’m willing to share. For as long as I can remember, I’ve been highly suicidal. I once threw myself at a mugger with a box cutter, knowing I’d probably die, and he only got my hand. *****. Ive had people look me in the eye, tell me to die, I go to do it, they save me. Ive never had a good relationship,  ive ruined every friendship ive ever had. I work about 16 hours a day and that doesnt stop the thoughts. My ex girlfriend and I had a child together, and she despises me, and […]

People get upset when things don’t go their way.But I doubt they feel like I do.Call me a drama queen I don’t care.It’s not all the times, for example once in school a girl wouldn’t shut up and I just wanted to get up and punch her.Other times my parents don’t let me go out while other parents let their children go and they come home til the next day.I feel trapped in my house,even in my room I feel like i have no freedom.I feel like jumping out a window or just running away.I can’t relay on Doctors,family, friends no one to help me. […]

Thought I’d share one of my favorite songs (and artists) with you all. It’s called “Hollow Man”, and it’s by “iamsleepless” (which describes my entire life). Enjoy!

Music quote of the day: “How I wish, how I wish you were here. We’re just two lost souls swimming in a fishbowl, year after year, running over the same old ground, and how we found the same old fears… Wish you were here.” – Pink Floyd, “Wish You Were Here”

Hi, my name is Ali Haider… i am 15years old…..

My story is abt how i fall in love…..

On 19 march 2011..when i fall in love first time in my whole life….on 19march night the time was 2:27am when i fall in love…i didnt sleep whole night bcoz i was abt her… i never had feelings that i had onthat night….. all the night i was thinking abt her  and when i close my isee her and when i open my eyes i amiss her…and suddenly iwas thinking and she came in front of me … when i touched her […]

I am dying inside in my heart ….. i cant live without her…. my every second is going with pain… I  really truely love her sooo much -…-

I have really mixed emotions about coming back to sp.

I battled with depression, suicide, cutting and general shit in my life and I have come close to death many times. I believed that life was never going to get better, that I was going to die a lonely virgin loser and bring shame and hurt to my family. I have stood atop the highest building in my college and peered over the edge and stood there for many painful hours. I have cut deep, and popped pills. I was badly beaten as a child periodically and mentally tortured. I came here and wrote angry posts […]

Does anyone ever have the feeling that suicide is just a bad day away?

Sometimes it’ll hit at the weirdest moments, like I’ll be re-edging a knife and once it’s sharp enough to shave hair my mind will skip a beat and suddenly I’m imagining what it would be like to just slice open an artery with it. Not the wrists (too cliche, and I feel it would take too long…plus they can cut the bleeding off at the wrists if they find you in time), like the neck or under the armpit somewhere that’ll bleed quick and can’t be undone. It scares the hell out […]

I guess I’ll start by saying I’ve battled with depression, sadness and self loathing for over half my life and boy has it been a battle. From as long as I can remember I’ve made bad choices and generally have become a person a do not respect. It’s been quiet awhile sine I could look at myself in the mirror, for all I see is shame, pain and sadness in my own eyes. I guess I just don’t respect myself and what I’ve become.

I have been a horrible son and brother, who seem to drop off the face of the earth whenever life brings me […]