I cut my stomach up today. I don’t ever count my cuts or burns but I know there’s close too a hundred. If I don’t cut I get irritable. My skin crawls. Sometimes I can go without cutting for a few weeks! It’s Rare but it’s happened! I was doing really well until today. I got very depressed because I broke up with my boyfriend and I just thought about how meaningless my life is, basically. Everything is better now but the cuts are still there.
So the past few days have been hard anyway……I forgot to take my lithium….the bad thoughts were relentless. And then I find out that my husband cheated on me with this whore. ….again. and then he told me he wanted a divorce. Bad thoughts in overdrive. I took a couple klonopin and lay down but I can’t sleep…….I feel like such a failure. What did I do wrong this time? I have tried so many different meds, hoping one will work. I have been on the unit, in partial and aftercare…..trying to get better, trying to make it work. And now, there is no reason […]
By now you might have seen on the Internet the story of one “Jeremy Meeks” who has recently gained a reputation as “Hot Felon.” He has been the center of much attention after his mugshot was released showing what many consider to be a very attractive face. The purpose of my writing here is not to take a shot at Mr. Meeks. I hope that he will receive whatever punishment his crimes are due, certainly that he should repay his thefts, and other than that I have no concern towards him. It is what this man’s story has revealed so clearly about our deranged and unjust society, which I take interest in. My blood does […]
Does anyone ever feel like the only enemy they ever have to worry about is themselves? Like seriously.. The mirror is the only real opponent. You stare at yourself in it, and then you just pick out all your flaws. Sometimes, on a good day, you can see some good things but other days all you can see is the things you hate the most about yourself and you wish that change were possible.. Of course then changing you’d hate the person you became then..
Ever feel like your mind is trying to kill you? Like you just hate yourself and everything about yourself? Like you’re […]
I’m tired of life, i am so tired that today i forgot to hide my wrist. I am so caught up and lost in this depression that i don’t even know what to do with myself anymore. My mother saw my cuts, she yelled and i yelled. I am now placed in therapy and under suicide watch. I am trapped , i can no longer be alone and that just makes me want to die more. My next cut is going to be deeper and the other deeper and deeper. Am i hurting others? Or am i just hurting myself ? i thought i was […]
I’ve been doing so well lately. so well. and i have literally no clue why but now i can’t stop crying and i realize how truly alone i am. i cant talk to my parents and my friends arent really friends at all considering they never invite me with them and dont care about me in the slightest. IM COMPLETELY ALONE AND UNWANTED AND UNLOVED AND I DONT HAVE ANYONE TO TALK TO AND NOBODY CARES.
nobody. cares. at all.
Hell.
Hell is what I live in, no doubt about that.
I just want to die, is that too much to ask for?
I mean, what’s the point of living?
I see no reason of why I should?
It’s like, I can’t even live.
A Zombie.
I am a zombie.
A body walking around with nothing inside.
Absolutely nothing.
I can even breathe for Godsake.
It is like I’m in a cardboard box,
And there’s absolutely no way out.
I am trapped.
And the sad thing is,
I am trapped in my own life.
It’s over.
I absolutely hate it when people say things like “suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem” or “it gets better” or “everyone has hard times, you just have to get past it”. I totally understand that most people who say these things have great intentions, and are just trying to make me feel better or inspire me to keep living and I 100% am grateful for that, for them trying to help, for them trying to understand but that doesn’t make those sayings sound any less stupid to me. And that’s not to say that I don’t love the people saying those things […]
How much better would life be without having to deal with mindless, narcissistic and self absorbed assholes? As if I don’t have enough shit sandwiches to eat every day, I have these useless bastards in my life that live for one and only one reason – to force everyone around them to kiss their asses. They never lose any sleep over unpaid bills or potential home foreclosure. They don’t ever get scraped up off the floor in the middle of the night and hauled to the Emergency Room because their lungs stop working. They don’t worry about how to get to work when their car […]
I wonder if anyone would miss me if I died. I mean like really miss me. There is always a certain sadness that comes with death. I think its the permanence of it and the unknowingness that makes it really sad. Even the death of someone you don’t know or a family pet is sad, so theres no doubt that my death with be sad for some people. But I wonder if people will remember me and miss me. Like a month down the road will one of my friends see something that reminds them of me and think about me? Will they wish I […]
Screams for blood–but not for yours.
Times enough you bled your best;
Sleep on now, and take your rest.
I was sexually abused as a child. I was physically, verbally and emotionally abused through childhood and my early teens. I’m super screwed up. I can’t control my emotions and I get depressed. Suicide seems very glamorous to me. I’ve thought about it ever since I was 7 or 8 years old. Life terrifies me unless I’m drinking or doing drugs. I’m a cutter. I’ve never attempted suicide because I always chicken out in the end, but I’m getting closer to the brink.
I hate being in love. It makes me very depressed. I become bitter towards my partners. I just want to end it all. I can’t be with them because I hate them sometimes, and I can’t be without them because I’m miserable. I just want to die -_- I have nothing. I have no job, no money, no father. I miss my home, england, I hate where I live, Canada, I’m nobody.
There is no order to most of my life.
Just as there won’t be much order to this post; my mind yields only things of its own nature and characteristics.
My poor mind, relatively young yet feeling so old. Worn down, like a war ship incessantly buffeted and berated by the interminable winds howling across the vast expanse of sea and darkness; never letting up, allowing no time for reprieve.
The wood creaks, the boards swell with moisture, and the sails test the very limits of the ropes that hold them, seeming as though they might snap at any moment.
But there is no ship. You know this, as you […]
Well lets start with this. My first suicide attempt was when i was 12, its only gotten worse from there. I was so horrified from even the thought of ever wanting to hurt myself. Then my mind just got so damaged with my own horrible thoughts. I tried to hang myself with a belt in my bedroom when no one was home. Back then no one knew about my depression. Not my family, friends, no one. Yeah, life sucks, right?
A few years ago I was high on life. Had a good job, 2 great kids, a home, 2 cars. Seemed like the perfect life. Then i met this guy. He cheated on me, beat me, raped me. The list goes on and on. When I tried to break up with him he would kick my door in or break a window. I felt i had no choice but to give in. I sent my kids to live with there father (I did it for them but now they hate me). I tried to kill myself. Waking up in shock trauma was not fun. I gave […]
frog:
take a birth in a well
ribbit
die
human:
take a birth in planet earth
speak
die
only difference is frog dont have chance to visit sp
She saw my scars. She traced my arm while at work, and just said, “you’re not weak, you’re just too strong to hold it in”. She doesn’t know I like ger, but there was…tenderness there. I’ve never once had that. But I’ve learned from past mistakes, she hasn’t seen the real scars, not my shoulder, not my sides, she doesn’t know the monster within. And I won’t show her.
Im new here and i found this site by typing in im so fucked up in the mind. Cause I really am. If you knew me you wouldnt believe it. I run cross country and track really fast. Get told I’m intelligent all the tune. I love computers and gaming. I used to use it as an escape spending hours in my ruin on a game to avoid reality. Then i started smoking in eight grade. I slowly went down hill and od’d on pills. This year was my freshman year i got alcohol poisoning. Here recently i started smoking weed and you know i […]