How Long?

How long until it gets better? I have struggled with bipolar depression for the last 2 years, severely. I wake up and I think about dying, I go to sleep and I think about dying. I just moved so I don’t have a therapist or psychiatrist yet but I have had both and went to them both every single time. Therapy once a week and the psychiatrist as needed. It’s not like I have done nothing to fix me… I even admitted my OWN self into the hospital to get better. I’m still sooooo severely depressed. No matter what I do it has not seem to get better. I can’t even remember a time I didn’t have depression but it was never like these past 2 years. How much longer can someone hold on… Keep on living like this? I’m even on my meds but, I’m sooooo tired of trying. My family thinks it’s a joke, my friends don’t want to hear about it. My family really thinks it’s ridiculous that I take 5 different meds to cope with life and I’m just dramatic. I keep a journal and you can see as you go through the months that everything is getting darker in my life. I keep falling deeper and deeper into this depression. I wonder every single day when I will just give up. When will ‘today’ be the day. I roll play how I want to die countless times in my mind every single day and every single day I’m getting less scared to do it then the one before. How do I keep trying when I’m soooo tired??