Hi all, I’ll start with a quick intro of myself/my situtation. I’m 19, two para-suicides. I am now certain that I want to die. My last attempt was an overdose on anti-depressants and paracetamol which failed, before that, a cutting of the wrist. Now that I am sure, however, I’d like to go peacefully. I’ve refrained from giving anyone any hints and just really want to be left alone at this point, very tired. I don’t feel like I have the necessary skills required to function in this world and furthermore I have very little desire to do so. I live alone so suicide over […]

I haven’t posted in a while so thought I’d give an update for anyone who’s interested.
Also, I’m hoping it might give some people a bit of hope? Who knows.

Last time I posted I was literally at the point of ending it all. I’d already tried once but passed out; I’d been taken in by the police on a separate occasion and things were getting messy. I just wanted things over. There didn’t seem to be any other way that made sense. I had one last visit with my psych and they upped my meds. They told me they were putting me into day hospital. […]

If you think life’s over, wait a minute !

if you think you dont have anyone to trust no more

you have a friend right here

im not here to judge you and i dont know you

so if you need something to talk about let me know

im 28 years old and i know life sometimes can suck so much

but you can talk to me i would be interested in talking to you

you have a friend right here

skype and email : contemporaryartist1@gmail.com

please message me and well talk !

I’m sitting behind my desk, IT employee.

For the past week, I’ve been resisting an overwhelming urge to put a bullet through my head.

Today the urge is very bad. I had quit smoking a year ago and starting last week i’m smoking again. I’ve been up 5 hours an I’ve smoked a pack already.

I’m at a point where I need to talk about this but can’t find anyone to talk to, not even my fiance. We’re getting engaged next week.

My heart keeps beating rapidly and I’m visualizing myself pulling that trigger and that bullet would go into my head and turn everything off.

I’m doing well, good […]

I stared at my wrists,

Thin, pale scars stared back.

I promised everyone I would quit,

Mainly so they would leave me alone.

Words running through my mind.

Words carved on my arms.

Hate, ugly, fat, unloved.

The words that made me feel so small,

Permanently carved into my skin.

Everyone thinks I’m doing better,

that all the harsh words have stopped.

But they haven’t.

Everyone thinks I’ve stopped cutting,

But no one ever checks thighs.

Why was I the sperm that won?

Maybe if it were not me they would be happy

Maybe then, they would care

Maybe then, they would be able to love each other

Maybe them I am the reason

Maybe im the reason my mum and dad fight

I am not what everyone expect

I am not there little angel

I am a devil indisguise

I am the reason you cry

I do not like rules

I do not like structure

I like being me

However, you do not see

You love to control

You want me to do well

You do not understand I want to be me

You love to know what I do

However, If I told you wouldn’t believe

You do […]

Shattering heart,

Wounded soul.

How would she deal,

With all of this pain?

Wrists flowing red,

Mind screaming thoughts.

You’ve never heard a story,

Quiet like this.

She loved to draw,

And she loved to paint.

But, she used the wrong materials,

And it was all to late.

Her pen was a razor.

And her canvas,

Her wrist.

Her canvas was covered,

But she wasn’t finished yet.

Her canvas switched,

From her wrist to her thigh.

She wanted to keep drawing,

To show everyone her pain.

The drawings were getting deeper,

She was nearing the end.

She wanted someone to find her,

With her drawings on her skin.

Last night i tried to commit suicide.. but i just couldn’t take my other leg off the bed, my mom has a rope at the side of the house in an old BBQ thing i tried to reach it out my window but the bars on my window only let me go so far, i couldn’t reach it so i used the strap from my purse, and put the medal part on the hook on my ceiling, my other leg was slowly slidding off and my vision was going black my whole upper body went numb and then that’s when i started thinking about everything […]

Ok, so I’m sharing for Facebook ID with you: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100008390883212&ref=tn_tnmn

ive been in care from a year old. throughout my childhood it was a never ending stream of social workers, supervised access visits and confusion.my foster parents threw me out when I was 12 as apparently they couldn’t cope with me – I was swearing, smoking a little and being generally grim (normal teenager but whatever) from there was the downfall, or maybe that started when I was born who knows. I lived with 2 other fosters carers after that (1 of which sexually abused me) and I left care when I was 15 to get away from all the nightmares.from then my real mum […]

one day im fine , the next im not..

it hurts holding it all in, having small things trigger breakdowns. Popping the pill to make it all go away for a bit, but its still there..in the darkness waiting for the perfect moment to strike once again and making you shatter into a million pieces.

Unrepairable.

Damaged.

I have had everything given to me and I screwed it all up…..I have a bad habit of smoking pot and hookah

My parents provided me with everything and my habits, along with a habit of stealing got me in a lot of legal trouble

I got into legal trouble in 2001 and was arrested for a felony, but the prosecutor was nice enough to knock it down to a misdemeanor

I got into medical school in 2004….got kicked out a year later for smoking pot and getting caught for stealing a wifi connector from the computer lab in the med school and shoplifting at a store….again it […]

Well, where do I start? I’ll start with the reason I decided to even consider writing this. Well while messing around on my laptop, I realized I haven’t left my room for a week, minus going to the bathroom, eating, and showering. After that I realized I’ve been in my room for a lot of my life. I’m not very close with my mom, I push her away when she tries to get close. I have plenty of friends, I just prefer to stay in my room and talk to people over the internet. I left my room last week to go on a walk […]

I started cutting myself when I was 15. When I get too depressed and crying isn’t enough I just cut.

I’m 20 now and have been clean for years… but today I was so depressed that I coudn’t handle it and cut myself again.

I feel good after doing it… all the pain seems to go away after a deep cut but I hate to get attention. I hate when someone sees the scars and asks.

I usually cut near my foot so I can hide it by wearing boots. Is there any better place to cut so you can hide it? I have a boyfriend and I […]

Usually, I start out my posts in metaphors and similies because that is how my brain works. That is how I think…constantly making connections and drawing lines. This time, I am going to just full out rant and rave because I’m finished.

I’ve screamed for help. I’ve got to counselors and I’ve gone to friends. I get shut out every time. No one believes me when I say that I am so anxious, scared, and depressed that I would find any way to make it stop. Last night, I sliced my arm open ready to let red run. Unfortunately, I didn’t die. My cut let out […]

I didn’t mean to do it but i did and i am sorry. It hurts but it makes me forget. I am sorry i let my family down. I promised them i would not do it and i did, I thought i out grew it but i haven’t. I thought i was strong enough but i am not. I am sorry Love you Brice, hope you can forgive me.

What a fun site.  The chance to share the most private of thoughts.

Where to begin…

By all accounts you would think that my life was perfect, or close enough.  Very successful in my field, well-loved by my community, a fun set of hobbies, not in financial crisis.  So what’s wrong?

I’ve always suffered from depression.  Thoughts of suicide.  My wife has been great at keeping me out of it.  But over the years, she has grown so very distant.  I don’t think she is cheating on me; it’s not in her personality.  But these days she’s a roommate, nothing more.  Intimacy has dried up to infrequent… and […]

It’s like I’m destined to feel this desperate and guilty my whole life. Jesus please save me, help me, show me, do something to let me know you’re there and not just a story for us to feel good about. I want to meet you when I die, not a black void.

I’m stuck in my life. I just got into a fight with my parents and they told me I stink. They’ve been hinting that they don’t want me living here a lot lately. I could hair get a job and move out but I’ve ruined my life at 19 because I have drug charges against me. I was smoking weed on campus and I got caught. Actually I was smoking because I thought the weed would make me feel better…. It doesn’t btw. Weed makes me feel even worse. I hate me man.