I’m not gonna go out of my way to kill myself, but I wouldn’t really care if something happened to me. I don’t see why I should care. No one else will. So it wouldn’t really matter.
” If I were you, I’d put that away. See you’re just wasted and thinking bout the most again. Darling you’ll be ok. And she said…”
” If you were me, you’d do the same, yeah! ‘Cause I can’t take anymore, I’ll draw the shades and close the door. I’m not alright and I would rather…”
~Pierce the Veil
feeling really sad and weepy today. why exactly i don’t know. went to see the shrink today. it is time to change meds again. going to try ( if insurance co lets me) viibrid. read some reviews about it. like everything else it is a savior for some and horrible for others. they all mentioned weight gain as a side effect. great. already feeling and looking bovinian as it is. having lots of trouble with my sense of taste. lots of things don’t taste good anymore, or after a few bites there is no taste at all. perhaps it is time to go back to […]
The sun and the trees have life,
The people walking by infectious of there media ridden minds have life..
The sheep of the masses
Do they deserve to be slaughtered due to ignorance?
Or should they be applauded for enjoying life?
These decisions have not been left to me nor do I want to make this choice.
The only choice I want is to end my pain and suffering
A lifetime of addiction and hurting others is all I’ve managed.
I am the American Psycho watching others pass by; testing the boundaries of reality.. what if I fell off this bridge onto these cars?
What […]
ive been madly inlove with this boy for over a year now, we dated for 9 months, before i ruined everything. my parents were fighting so bad and it just seemed that since i thought they hated me, i thought everyone else did to, including my boyfriend at the time. it was summer, i would wear jumpers constantly. n one knew about my self harming, no one knew about the drug use. i hid it so well over a period of 9 months. my problems got so […]
Remember when you were a kid and you did something you knew was going to earn you a trip to the woodshed? A lot of us kids when I was growing up had a place the old man would drag us to give us the “board” that was far enough out of the way that the whacks and screams wouldn’t make it back to your mother’s ears. That way the old man wouldn’t have to deal with her bitching about being to hard on you or risk getting the “It so upsets me when you do that” speech from her. It’s that feeling of impending […]
Tonight I plan on driving with no destination in sight. I have no idea where I will be going or what direction I will be driving. I can no longer live in this house. The pressure is to great. I hope that I will be reunited with the ones that love me and the ones that I love.
Some days i no longer want to try I no longer want to stress, some days I no longer want to move. I also know that I don’t want to leave this world early but the days that I don’t are few and far between. The thought of […]
A switch.
That’s how I’d describe my mentality.
During the day I’m this bubbly ignorant person who brushes everything off of her shoulders. Smiling all the time. I’m not even sure if the smiles are real or polite. Anyways, that’s how I am during the day. But at night? It’s a complete flip. The opposite of my “Day” self. Like a switch. It’s as if your lights turn on and the deepest darkest corners of my mind come to light. And when the artifcial light goes out, those thoughts do too. I don’t know.
“I kissed the scars on her skin.
I still think you’re beautiful, and I don’t ever wanna lose my best friend.
I screamed out,”God, you vulture, bring her back or take me with her!”
~Pierce the Veil
Come on in!
Have a seat, i hope you like the people you’re about to meet.
First we have this girl, you see is kinda a geek.
This girl likes to read, she’s not out-going but she isn’t meek.
Then we have another girl, tall and proud she stands.
Guess again, she’s scared that people find the secret she hides.
She prays no one knows.
We now have a broken one, some of you may know-
This girl’s soul is so blacken and cold.
She doesn’t care that you’re even there.
She doesn’t want someone to hold, she just wants it all to end.
Scaredy cat girl, afraid […]
This song was written by a talented singer and song-writer after he lost his wife to suicide. I think it’s worth a listen. It tells the story of pain, relapses, and finding the ultimate happiness that everyone yearns for. The struggles you all are dealing with now will make you stronger, wiser people. Happiness will come with patience. Stick around and give it a chance.
“Life Ain’t Always Beautiful” by Gary Allan
Well, I will start in history, when I was 12. I was at father’s place, it was my home, but I started to have some creepy nightmare. Everything was so dark and in the end there was a demon, that was something like Satan and God in one. It dreamed that every night for 7 months. And after that I started noticing some problems my father have with my mother. And only one question changed everything. He was totally angry and he shouted at me “Go fucking kill yourself”. It was so painful.
That night I dreamed that same nightmare and when I woke up I […]
It’s not fear of hight, but fear from not jumping off.
hey everyone needed ur help, hmmm don’t know where should i start from im 25 unemployed with a mba degree, i have a sister who is excellent at everything she does whether studies or in career. Lol i hate to say this but these days in getting jealous of her. She is loved by everyone around and always excel in anything she do as far as in concerned i don’t think that i even exist in this world. she overpowers me im like a shadow who is there but no one can feel its existence
I’ve had depression since the age of 12. It was really stupid as a kid. I’d cry, cuddle with my nana and miss school and cry more.
As I grew up, it just got worse. The more I learned about the realities of the world, the ugliness of people, the more I spiralled.
It doesn’t help that I got good grades and have shitty parents.
My father is a wife beater but has stopped recently because I punched him the last time.
My mother is a compulsive liar and is bipolar.
If you add the two, it’s really tough. To make things worse, my siblings and I are talented and […]
When I use the word “god” I’m not talking about any particular religious image. For lack of a better word, I’m using “god” to mean whatever force created and/or governs this universe. It could be a bearded dude on a throne, it could be a mathematical equation or it could be a random spark that started a fire. But whatever it is, I hate it.
I hate the rules and patterns of existence that we live by. Universal laws like “survival of the fittest”, “kill or be killed” and “consume others so that you may live” are the laws of all living organisms, whether we’re talking […]
I don’t remember what it’s like, not to have a scar insight.
Tell me where I went wrong in life.
I don’t remember when I didn’t cry myself to sleep at night.
The nightmares seem to follow me.
I can’t remember a time I was actually alright.
What’s wrong with me?
When did my pain become so visually seen?
The scars are showing my history.
When did my brain turned on me?
I can’t look in the mirror anymore, because i’m afraid of what I’ll see.
Tell me when everyone turned their back on me?
They can’t see the darkness inside me.
When did I […]
i really wish i had the balls to kill myself im just so tired
Im tired of fighting through each day like everything is alright but really i cant take anything anymore
.. But I want to get this off my chest. I need to.
I came across this website an hour ago, I figured I could possibly post my thoughts here, because it’s just a forum right? No quick replies, no need to put up a front; because I’m fake. I want to be real, I want people to know the truth about me. All my life I put up a front. I act like an apathetic asshole.. But that’s not who I am and it’s just this bad habit. It’s this wall I have, because I’m afraid. Every time I tear down this wall I get […]