It’s been 3 years since we said goodbye. He wanted it to last, I wanted it to end. I knew I broke his heart, but I had to do it. I was nearing my end, and I had to end us before I ended myself.

I didn’t tell him that reason though, I told him that I was too immature for him. He deserved someone on his level, a smarter person, someone unbroken. I wasn’t ready to take on the responsibility of someone else’s feelings.

I removed him from facebook, made my profile extremely private, and made my last status.

The rope wasn’t strong enough.

He’s always been in the […]

hey guys so this is the first time ive been on a website when ive been suicidal….

im just not sure if i should be alive… i feel like  there are some people that are just meant to die early and I am one of them…i have been thinking of this for a while now… really dont want to live anymore its just too hard… if anyone wants to talk i would love to

dont wanna put this shit on anyone i know but feeling really down

How does one find hope when having a terminal disease? How can one withstand all the pain it causes while knowing it’ll never end – only gradually evolves, gets worse and finally eats you alive? Is hope even a slightest of possibility?

Expecting a miracle perhaps gives something to keep one’s head up. But preferably person just has to accept the facts; this really was perhaps my unjustified destiny and the clock is ticking ever faster like it has for so many people before me. Fear, tears, a mountain of hopelessness and beside me a conjurer of never-ending agony and despair.

Where do those people […]

i’ve decided that i’m done; i’m done with everything, and i’m ending it. goodbye

To be honest with you, I don’t remember the first time I did it. I never really cut at first.. It was more like scratching. I used to get my key and scratch my arm with it. It hurt… That was all I wanted at the time. That began over a year ago.

Why did I do it, you may ask..? Well I felt so helpless, I had no control over anything in my life and I thought that it would help, but it was more than that too! I felt numb. Nothing made me feel anything, but when I scratched myself, I felt pain… And […]

It’s hard for me to even type this out, to be honest. I’m a very private person, one who rarely lets people in on the darker aspects of my life.

All my life, I have felt worthless, pathetic, weak. People have abused, violated, and abandoned me without any regard. And I let them because I am too weak to do anything about it or unable to.

Suicide crosses my mind at least nine times every week. It infests my mind when I’m not even paying attention and always makes sure to make its presence loud and clear when my situations are bleak. My chest constantly feels heavy except […]

This is my first post so hey,

Imagery is a weird thing isn’t it?

Since I was 13 I’ve had that sort of ya know emoish look about me, listened to the music, wore the eyeliner, all that sort of stuff. At that time people couldve somehow assumed, because of this “image”, that I was rebellious, depressed and suicidal. But what’s ironic is at that time when I was going through that sort of “phase” none of that applied to me in the slightest. You could say I was one of the most friendliest, world loving emos our there aha.

I was “a goth” before my dad got […]

Spent far too long thinking about it, it must be time soon; I used to believe drowning was the way, I used to live by the sea; there were a couple of navigation buoys out across the bay with flashing red lights on them which were out of sync but would flash in unison occasionally, I spent a long time at night sitting on the pier watching them wishing I had the courage to jump into the cold inviting water and die. I’m not there now, in the city instead, suppose there’s the Thames but somehow it’s not the same, there’d be a crowd watching […]

The neon stars, and planet.
We are so small, yet, the master work of this epic universe.
When we are content, we are happy to die.
What about those that …
I only know of me of my kind. My cerebro morlock race.
Don’t forsaken nobody, the sound of the ukulele.

Acidic. Acidic. I am the dark Molorck.
In my robe darkness, a bolero dying entity.
The skeleton and the dying tree. My chain.
In the world of cain. Holistic to the death.
What the fuck are you doing. Man.
In this reality, you can’t go back in time.

One more time, to infinity to the end.

I’ve felt this way for all of my life up until now. I don’t necessarily think this is bad; I realize it’s simply my nature to feel this way, and no matter what I do, I am always going to feel somewhat excluded. Nevertheless, this feeling is also something that can backfire if it goes completely unchecked and is combined with outer and/or inner negativity.

And that is exactly what has happened to me.

I’ve wasted my life on nothing. I pretty much have nothing and am nothing nowadays. I’ve de-evolved greatly; there really is nothing now that positively defines me. I just…am; I’m just here, taking […]

I can only hope, while at the same time, giving up. What a contradictory statement.

Now I lay me down to sleep

I pray my life and soul you keep,

please take it now so I don’t wake

to live a day of pain and hate.

My future life is just to bleak so please, I beg you, let me sleep.

My end will mean I will not cry, my end will mean I do not weep. My pain and fear will only cease. If you will only let me sleep.

I pray to any God that answers me and brings me finaly rest and peace.

Please.

The voice in my head now has a body. A very familiar body.

Red against white, who will win?
Silver metal, my deadly sin, some days I don’t wanna win.
Feeling high, feeling numb, lost again in this-
Eternal bliss.

But the scars that cover my wrist are so damn hard to over come.
Hearing the words they say, seeing the looks they give
Telling myself I’m not good enough.
I’m worthless, that I’m not allowed to breath-
Don’t say I’m not, don’t tell me I’ll be fine.
I don’t wanna see the light, at least not for tonight.

I wanna be dreaming of a lost happiness
Of someone loving this crazy broken person
Of not being shattered

My father committed suicide when I was 5 years old leaving me, my 9 year old sister and mum devastated. I believe that he thought we would be better off without him and he was doing us a favour. I’m 17 years old now and I still break down and cry for the father I never had. Suicide is selfish, if a person has children on this Earth it is their responsibility to protect, guide and support them. Not having a father has affected me in countless way. My father wasn’t there to teach me how to ride a bike, to pick me up when […]