I might try the hotline again.

Or now. I don’t know.

I really have the urge to overdose even if it isn’t going to work. Maybe I can duct tape my mouth shut so I choke on my vomit.

Yummy.

Once on a yellow piece of paper with green lines
he wrote a poem
And he called it “Chops”
because that was the name of his dog

And that’s what it was all about
And his teacher gave him an A
and a gold star
And his mother hung it on the kitchen door
and read it to his aunts
That was the year Father Tracy
took all the kids to the zoo

And he let them sing on the bus
And his little sister was born
with tiny toenails and no hair
And his mother and father kissed a lot
And the girl around the corner […]

Mencius (a student of Confucius):

“Living is what I want; meaning is also what I want. If I cannot have both, I would rather take meaning than living. On the one hand, though life is what I want, there is something I want more than life.

That is why I do not cling to life at all cost.

On the other hand, though death is what I loathe, there is something I loathe more than death.   Yet there are ways of remaining alive and ways of avoiding death to which a person will not resort.

In other words, there are things a person wants more than life and […]

I know your heart is hurting

You think the road has end

You may just feel that blade your holding

Is your only friend

But baby don’t cut

Baby don’t cut

You can do anything

Just promise baby you won’t cut

Can’t you see I’m lying

Can’t you see I’m crying

Can’t you see I’m dying

Ask me if I’m okay

I’ll say I’m fine

But when I fall

You’ll see

I was lying

Crying

And Dying

Alone with her thoughts

Alone in her room

Little did she know

Her story would end soon

No more sadness

No more pain

No more purging

To stop the gain

She sees her body

She hates each mark

Can’t stand the sight

So she lays in the dark

She cries in the night

And finds her blade

She thinks of every

Mistake she’s made

She begins to think

She’s better off dead

The thought of being

Rushes through her head

She grabbed some pills

And a small red cup

She wanted to fall asleep

And never wake up

Empty the bottle

Down each pill

Soon she will be

Forever still

She was sad to go

But it was for the best

She got what she wanted

Eternal rest

You’ve been hurt before

I can see it in your eyes

You try to smile it away

Some things you can’t disguise

You ask me if I’m okay, I say I’m fine.

I Lied

“Do you want a hug?””No”, I replied.

I lied

“Something wrong?””No”, I said.

I lied

The only time I tell the truth is when I’m broken down, and crying.You say It’ll be all right

You lied.

I hate my arms. I’m covered in scars. I smile and pretend I’m totally fine, I laugh and I joke. Among my friends I’m the one who cheers them up, gives the best advice, makes them laugh. Do they genuinely feel close to me? I don’t feel close to them. I don’t really feel close to anyone. I can’t let people in.

I was doing a good job of it recently, I was opening up. Light was shining a little in my life. Just a teeny bit. I pined for years. I pined and I pined and I pined. Finally last year I realized my pining […]

Pain, fear, hardship and all those crappy things are the greatest motivators known to any living organism. If you think back to the first prehistoric mass of slime that crawled out of the ocean onto dry land to evolve into what you see when you look into a mirror, you can bet the slime’s motivation wasn’t any lofty idealism or optimistic dreams of the future but rather, its motivation was because it was hunted or starving to death and had to go somewhere new.

That’s all fine & dandy. But even the prehistoric slime must’ve eventually reached some comfort zone, or at least some stage of […]

Me? Yeah i’m fine. If you consider a feeling like this “fine” a pain that is so dreadful crying doesn’t seem sad enough, a pain that makes your whole body shake, one that feels like its ripped half of your insides out, it makes you numb to the world, you feel as though nothing in this world is worth living i never knew a pain could be so unbearable, I mean i can stand most pain, but this…this is just horrible…I feel so alone all the time… I just want to be heard is all, but no one gives me that chance…and sometimes to […]

I tried to overdose last night…well kinda I tripled the dosage your supposed to take of ibuprofen to see if that would rid the pain i constantly feel…it did though and made me feel good.

I was also called a slut by my best friend and L got pissed at me for taking so much ibuprofen he kept telling me i would die if i took that much and i told him i didn’t care he told me i needed help and threatened to tell my mom. He never did though which is good…i don’t enjoy my mom knowing the pain I’m going through. Also my […]

Love is beautiful. It gives you a reason to live. Just go out there and give….. It feels awesome.

i am writing this down more as a note to myself than to all of you but you can still listen.I am not going to kill myself in a few days from now though i may die and that is the intended goal as i do not have the desired will to live,But im probably not going to die as my attempts always fail.
the plan will be to reschedule appointments to friday that way i can get an important event out of the way.Id like to take friday off completely but i dont know if thats possible.anyway after my appointment i will go to […]

initial days: people used to build pyramids & architectures. lots of human lives is invested on it and currently no one give a shit about their efforts.

beneficiary: kings and leaders ( less than 10% of ppl)

losers: avg humans who follow others ( >90%)

in 18th century lots of human lives are sacrificed in wars

beneficiary: leaders and aristocrat(10%)

loosers: people who follow (90%)

Now lot of human lives are investing on building organizations and technical products

beneficiery: owners and rich(20%)

loosers: who follow others (80%)

Irony is follower/avg humans don’t know that they are wasting a yet another human life. they are bussy building others organization same ways acestors-they are busy in […]

“….the most important thing to realize is that you and every person you see will soon be dead.”

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ZYm50Sdf1Dc

I don’t know if it’s help to anyone else, but it’s help to me…

At this point I honestly don’t know what to do.. Stuck on stupid over this boy that doesn’t care one bit about me & pretty much used me for sex.. maybe if I’m gone he’ll realize I actually ment something to him.. I just wish he cared like he used to……… ):

I admit I don’t have the greatest life. My mom is the shittiest person alive, no one actually cares about me they just pretend they do then treat me like shit, I’ve lost everyone I’ve ever been close to, I’ve been through abuse of every kind, I have a lot of health issues, I have extreme anxiety and depression, and I’ve never been given any reason to like myself so I don’t. But there are definitely people out there who have it worse than I do. So why do I always feel like I want to die… nothing can really make me happy anymore and […]

Honestly, I am just tired. old, done the same job for 25 years, (Stay at home mother)  lived in a strange city for the last 18 of them. Not one friend in this whole city. I hurt from age and loneliness. I was someone else when I got here but between him and the kids.. Who am I now? Trapped in the house by my own fears of the traffic. So fat I hurt, yet the pain keeps me from exercising.. Catch 22. I won’t die, I would love to, but how can I? How can I put my husband and kids though that? Yet […]