Just wrote 3 suicide notes basically saying goodbye to certain people that I know love and care about me forreal. I begged them all in my notes to not cry for me but smile because I’m not suffering anymore. I wish everyone that knows me would just do that for me I mean I’m gonna kill myself because I truly feel like that’s what I have to do to get past this misery it’s never gonna get better I was having chronic depression since I was 8 everyday literally every day till now I’m 22 everyday wish to god to just take my life I feel like I never truly lived a day in my life because everyday no matter what I’m doing where I am killing myself is the only thing in my mind. I never had a gf ever iv only kissed one girl in my life. I just feel like if I get a gf she’s gonna just cheat on me and use me and it’s gonna be fake and now that I’m this old I’m scared to even have a gf because Idek how to make out or anything isn’t that pathetic I’m 23 and I don’t know how to kiss a girl yet. So why can’t everyone just be happy for me and go on with there lives knowing I’m happy? I wish I can take everyone on this sites depression and everyone else in this world and put it on me so that way I can just kill myself and no one would have to feel like I do. To everyone on this site even tho I don’t know you I love you and feel for you if I can take you pain from your heart and mind and put it in mine I would.
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Hey Nvrlivedady,
Don´t give up, life´s a struggle and theres no easy route for anyone. You have suffered depression for so long; can´t even imagine how awful that must feel. I really feel for you mate.
I have been single for the past 9 years and haven´t had any relationships with girls, before that had some on long term basis. But you will find a girl, I can promise you that much; just be patient and the love of your life could be closer than you think. I know you´ve probably heard these words million times before already but it´s partly true – and eventually a fact. You will find your love and happiness.
In the meantime you need to seek some other enjoyable things and start from some small joyful things which you enjoy doing. Getting that way your mindset into another way of thinking. Chronic depression is a bad condition and it will never be easy for you, but keep on trying – if for nothing else, your loved ones. They would be devastated if you killed yourself.
And I wish there were more people like you, whom would like to take the weight off of everyones shoulders and take it and carry it away. You are a knight in a shining armour and you will get your princess. Keep believing and remember: you are still young, so plenty of life and opportunities ahead.
Be strong and proud of who you are and don´t forget that you deserve nothing but the best. Take care
How will things get better no I feel like I ment to be alone and die alone. I have enjoyable things I workout and do physique shows and win trophies but now I can’t even enjoy they everything is getting worse and worse I’m behind in so much bills and have no money I’m working but I won’t get paid for a while it’s way to hard and gets worse and worse. And to my loved ones that’s why I wish I can just ask them to be happy and smile for me and go on with life like I never existed. Everytime I have some kind of happiness it gets taken away. I just really wanna die so badly
Money and other issues like that can be handled; they won´t kill you. You are your worst enemy at the time. Your life can´t be all misery, it must have some good brief moments; but at the moment they are overwhelmed by the bad ones and you can´t see straight. Too much of a tunnelvision I suppose. And it is of course usually seen people with depression issues.
I have the same problem, listen for awhile: I have no house, no job, no girlfriend, no support but my mom, many chronic illnesses and finally found out that I´m most likely terminally ill – not 100% sure though yet. So even I got some hope althought odds are not really favoring.
I don´t mean to diminish or underestimate your problems in any way, just wanted to bring out an other sad story – and I´m only 29 years old. Last 5 years been all hell for me.
So for me the happiness really was taken away like have you also, and I want to end it too every day, but got hope for some reason. Perhaps the thing here is that I´ve always wanted to travel and see the world, so until I´m finally done, I keep that hope up and try to fullfil my dreams till the bitter end.
You need something too to fight for, some dreams, something you wanted to see or do. Sunrise at some mountain area, or sunset in a isolated island were you and your friends are having fun. Something – or the girl, dream of her and keep your hopes up. It will get better; how could it get any worse if only thing now in your life is thoughts about ending it.
That’s the thing on the rare occasion that I do get some sleep Id have a dream of me being happy wit a girl that i really like… It feels so real till I wake up I immediately start to cry because I had to wake up and go through another day iv tried that but I gave up on fighting for anything i appreciate and love you for helping but Idk I really just wanna die I dont wanna live another day
My my mom tells me everyday “you have to leave I don’t want you here” that makes me wanna kill myself even more
You want to die, I can understand that better than you can imagine, but still dream about how it would be nice if that girl of your dreams came to be real, and you would have a nice life; experiencing constantly new things, warmth and a smile of your girl – soon to be wife, perhaps.
You would miss out those things for example, and believe me they are worth fighting for.
And as to your mom, I just got kicked out from my moms house even though seriously ill and can´t even go to the store anymore. Well, wasn´t really my moms decision; his boyfriend kicked me out. He just got so fed up with my whining and futile life, so he decided to do the most selfish thing and throw me out so that he could enjoy his little puny life without need to think or take care of me. Fucked up, honestly.
So, I can relate that your mom is just helpless and doesn´t know how to act with you anymore. Have you told her about your suicidal thoughts? If not then, she must think you are a grown man, why live here. But if you have told, she is probably just desperate and would like you to get some outside help because she can´t help you. Same happened to me. My mom turned against me for awhile when I was there, said some pretty horrid things – after she said she was just exhausted and didn´t´t know how to help me.
It´s going to be hard to convince you further of not doing it, hoping you writing here is truely just desperation and really what you need help is help and understanding. Have you got anyone to talk to; anyone you can really confide to. That might give you some energy to withstand all the problems you are facing.
I told my mom I was very depressed and she said I’m faking for attention and she laughed at me… And tbh I tried talking it works for that hour or so but then those same thoughts and problems are always there. And honestly I thought it was worth the fight but I think I’d rather just miss out on all that then have to go through this it seems like this is how I ment to die, I’m not gonna meet someone that’s gonna love me and wanna be with me. If I die I won’t feel like this anymore id my moms wish of me leaving would come true I walk around the house looking like I wanna kill myself and no one bothers to ask if I’m ok no one cares about me believe me everyone in my life uses me and makes fun of me. I need to just leave this world behind me. If I kill myself yea a lot of people will be sad but if I stay alive I’ll be sad for once I wanna stop trying to put other people’s happiness first and just put mine first and shoot my self in my head
Your mindset is really in the dark place now; God I hope I could help and come to talk with you – be a friend but can´t. We have some similarities in our lives so we might have some healing conversations.
Usually people around depressed people gets the impression that why even bother asking how are you; answer is going to be shit anyway, so normal people just get tired of it. That does not mean they don´t care. And this is coming from my own experiences and from folk whom I have talked to.
Most “normals” don´t feel comfortable with negative and depressed people around them
; they just don´t understand them, their thoughs and sadness. Life is all peaches for them all the time – or they at least try to act like it is, which is sad. These tendencies make the world of depressed person a whole lot worse.When ever I talk to anyone around me about my health, they switch the subject or dismiss my comments. So that´s how rude it sometimes gets. Not ease…
But I´m sure your family and mom honestly love you to death; it´s just difficult in a way for them too. They have no idea how bad you are feeling. And talking to some outsider helps for me that hour too, but then the same shit comes to mind and there we go again.
Just some thoughts and hoping again, that don´t give in to the ultimate act; I know it is seductive. I think about it constanly too, but still here. Take care, and remember you are truely a good person and deserve nothing but happiness and joy, and you´ll get it – eventually.