I’ve felt this way for all of my life up until now. I don’t necessarily think this is bad; I realize it’s simply my nature to feel this way, and no matter what I do, I am always going to feel somewhat excluded. Nevertheless, this feeling is also something that can backfire if it goes completely unchecked and is combined with outer and/or inner negativity.
And that is exactly what has happened to me.
I’ve wasted my life on nothing. I pretty much have nothing and am nothing nowadays. I’ve de-evolved greatly; there really is nothing now that positively defines me. I just…am; I’m just here, taking up space, unbeknownst to others. I’m like a restless ghost, an android. I am incredibly dumb and socially awkward, and my mood seems to permanently be fixated on indifference or unhappiness. I spend too much time with myself, but I focus too much on everyone else. I just don’t feel like anything is really for me, and I feel as if I am supposed to be a mere ‘enabling spectator’.
I don’t know how to stop being and feeling this way. Now I really don’t belong with anyone or anything. I feel so hopeless and strange and all I really want is to actually disappear.