Im 17 years old, male, in a small town. My parents have been fighting non stop for what feels like since I was a little kid. i dont know what to do. im lost in what direction i should go, i need to get out of here, my home feels like a prison in which the guards are all holding guns to my head and im begging them to pull the trigger, i cant stay with friends, and my closest family lives one city over 300 miles away. i want it to end and death means i dont need to feel anything ever again…ever.

Any

thoughts

on zoloft?

I’m not really feeling like smiling right now, honestly.  But I’ve heard that writing positive poetry makes you feel positive.  So I’ll give it a whirl.

Here’s my smile to brighten your day
And light the dark routes along the way

Through the winding road that’s life
Filled with anger, resentment, and strife

Hard is the brick beneath our feet
Harsh are the people upon this street

Who smile with poisoned lips and grin
A friend outside, a foe within

But not all who walk this winding way
Wish to harm or lead astray

By your side I walk as well
A fellow traveler through this hell

Lifting my smile as a tiny light

It’s just m note that I was going to leave near… Just don’t expect much from it.

Why am I on this earth, if all I do is the same thing. Day after day all I do is repeat the last day, the only difference is that each day I get in a little more shit.

I feel like no one listens to me, and everyone is just there to bug me and stop me from being happy.

When I was doing various drugs, I was happy, and I could do my schoolwork without dying a little inside.

I should have been a girl, and not autistic.
Autism is […]

I am seriously considering suicide if i dont graduate with my class this year because it will completely screw up what’s left in my life. I have already written letters and sealed them for the people i want to leave a message for. They are currently in my book bag where im hoping they will find them when/if it happens. So i guess this isn’t exactly my suicide note but it’s close i guess.

I have been in such a deep depression for the past two years that i have relapsed on cutting and it got to the point where every other day i was thinking of different ways to kill myself. Finally one night it got so bad that i knew i would do something drastic if i didnt get help so i texted my friend that i live with. She was in the kitchen partying with her friends and i tried for an hour and a half to get her to come help because i couldn’t get the courage up to go out there. She wasn’t answering […]

Somehow I always end up back here. When I tell people it makes things worse or things stay the same. Yet I’m here. Yet I’m here.

My mom hid her gun. I’m not very happy about that.

I need help. But I don’t know what to do. Am I waiting for someone to help me? Or is this my pathetic attempt at wanting to help myself? I don’t know. I don’t know.

I’ve been trying to get myself out of the suicide trend for a few years.  I’m a diagnosed bi-polar, I’ve lived most of my life in poverty, in “a rich country” of Canada.  I’ve done many therapies and tried many drugs, but it’s all quackery.  what’s Quackery you say?  it’s treating the symptoms not the causes.  the causes are attachments to others, lack of stable/gainful income, stable food/roof, and women, god women.  just god awful bitches every where I look.

I had an idea in my head that maybe if I could suffer my entire life and be in such darkness the opposite could be true.  […]

Would you rather have a second chance in life like reincarnation after death or is the idea of there being nothing else after death more preferable? I personally am living a life of regrets so getting an opportunity to start again in another life is a comforting thought in some ways, like a clean slate. On the other hand however, there’s no way of knowing what circumstances you’ll be born into, it might be worse than the first life.

The feelings Mason! What do they mean?!

There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.

my brother… he needs help. He attacked me and i accidentally cut him with a plate that i was holding in my hand. im scared and shaking and really hurt how he could do that to me. now he is justifying himself to my mom. “defending himself”… thats not how it happened he knows that or maybe he really is crazy. i need to leave this house for a breather

I made it through the day, even smiled a bit with a bit of optimism. Hope you all held on. Time to try and get some studying done. Best wishes to everyone.

If anyone out there enjoys The Hives, enjoy with me please.

Feeling pretty fucking awesome,
PURPLEPAIN

but i guess it makes my problems less important

every few days i find the idea of a drug addict life more and more attractive
maybe the short lived thrill seems better than no thrill at all

i want to be in partial control. experience “happiness” and do it over again

then when i get tired of it, do my big finale

sounds stupid but thats what i want. i gave up on wanting the better things. odds are slim and get slimmer every day
i cant explain it. i dont want anything. i want to die

Teen dies by suicide in Edmonton group home
www.edmontonjournal.com

Twice in the past week and three in the last couple of weeks I’ve talked myself out of suicide. I don’t understand why I can’t just do it. Everyone I thought were friends have decided they’re suddenly bored of me and won’t really speak to me and the one man who keeps telling me how he’s always going to be there for me hasn’t been lately. My family won’t believe I’m as unwell as I am because they don’t see mental illness as a legit ting. I’m so tired of crying myself to sleep every single night.

I’m just tired.

After almost a year on medication, I have slipped back into depression. I have gone back to everything I used to be and now I am plagued with the same deafening negative thoughts that haunt my every waking minute. I want someone to talk to, someone anonymous that will let me talk about my issues without ignoring me or even becoming too concerned, or frightened…

If there is anyone on here that wants this from someone as well (and preferably lives in Australia so we can text) I will happily be that person for you, if you are willing to be that person for me.

Reply to […]

I met a friend of mine about eight months ago.  Prior to that I had no real friends, no one I could talk to.  I was 27 years old with no girlfriend, no wife, no kids, no life, really.  And yes, I was kinda suicidal back then too, but only in the vaguest way.  I had the thoughts, but never took any real action.  I was just on auto-pilot, living life day-by-day.  My life consisted of going to work, coming home, playing video games (not even social multi-player ones!) and then sleeping.  The most boring, staid, ridiculously isolating life you could imagine and I hated it.  Then […]

I’m struggling. My brain is in fog. I feel like I’m grasping to get a hold of my thoughts but they slip through my fingers like smoke. I can’t focus, I can’t think, I can’t concentrate. I’m meant to be writing for a big project, but just can’t get a hold. I know that it is in my head somewhere but it may as well be covered in lard for all I can get a grip on it. I know I can be so much better than this but it is all so exhausting, I am tired and I am lost like this. I just […]

Soeymeone else just posted this video:

What a coincidence…..I arrived home in PHX a few hours ago after spending a few hours on the GGB…I think I know pretty much all there is to know about what happens when you hit the water, so in watching this video I learned zilch.  The majority of it was a guilt trip placed on people who choose to die this way.  It was mostly about the “collateral” damage done to those who remain.

Frankly, I am sick of hearing this.  If I ever decide to “go through with it” I will have no guilt about doing so (in advance, of […]