I haven’t posted for a few days because I thought I was doing okay. Â I was able to buy Garry’s Mod for my computer and that seemed to distract me from a lot of things until yesterday. Â I know it shouldn’t be that big of a deal to me but it just… It just is… Â I was playing Prop Hunt with my friend and there was this kid, like thirteen years old who just kept repeating, “Wow, your stupid.” Â And other things like that. Â So a bunch of people tried to tell him to shut up, I kept quiet because thats what I do. Â But […]
Just a few minutea ago i had a big fight with my mom, one of the most biggest fights we ever had, this was the second time that in a fight, i do selfharm, i feel it is a way to calm a little, i don’t want to, i was trying to let it behind, but i’m too weak, too stupid to get over it.
today marks the 4 year mark of when me and my friend Hunter met… I still remember how we met. I tweeted saying “happy 6 year anniversary Mean Girls!!” and he replied with “On Wednesdays we wear pink” and instantly we started following each other on twitter and got to know each other really well. We were really close for 3.5 years. I was there for him when he got disowned by his parents and family, I was there when he had his heart surgery and almost died, I was there through 3 of 5 rehab trips, I was there to help him plan his […]
wouldnt it just be easier to get a load of drugs and OD? as opposed to suffocation, jumping, gunshots, etc.
i never understood the hanging thing either
I expected too much, didn’t i? i made my destination too high and then expected myself to reach there too quickly. i despised myself for every shortcoming i encountered. am i not like that youth in thus spoke zarathustra? i often skip steps, and for that no step forgive me. the more my hopes go higher, the more my passions go downward. what do i seek in the heights? i tried to give a word for my seeking, and since i had heard that ‘nirvana’ is the highest achievable thing , i gave it to my seeking. but the truth is that seeking in me […]
Hi, I am new to this website. I don’t really know what I am doing on here. So, yeah.
http://sunny-quietinside.blogspot.in/
This is the link to my blog. soon, if time allowed, i’ll be posting my story too. i want to lose everything i consider sacred in me or secretly feel proud of.
have you ever noticed that we suffer only when we know that “We” are suffering. you wanna own suffering, just like you wanna own anything else. oh this feeling of existing, of being alive is great, so tempting that one is ready to give his life for it. oh the lust of life! in me these two desires keep fighting simultaneously – to get into life (and thus suffer) and to get out of it. i have no reason to choose the former one, not a single reason, and yet somehow that lust is so much that i give in to it. i know a […]
all this may not be real. sometimes all this doesn’t feel real. i was always living a funny kind of life. like how can this be serious. i was always like, “Man! i am living life! the same life as all those great persons like Buddha, Hitler, Nietzsche lived. the same life as every other big and small person has lived in all the history.” and i used to be overwhelmed by this thought. i was like, “man! i can’t dare waste it”. but instead of pressure it always made me laugh at my life, it always brought me into jolly mood. like, “wow, that’s […]
It always seems just one step away. like i just need to reach my hand out and i will touch it, feel it, grab it. and yet it remains one step away. its so frustrating. i feel like ‘yeah, yeah, there it is. touch it. touch it.’ it remains in front of my eyes.