today marks the 4 year mark of when me and my friend Hunter met… I still remember how we met. I tweeted saying “happy 6 year anniversary Mean Girls!!” and he replied with “On Wednesdays we wear pink” and instantly we started following each other on twitter and got to know each other really well. We were really close for 3.5 years. I was there for him when he got disowned by his parents and family, I was there when he had his heart surgery and almost died, I was there through 3 of 5 rehab trips, I was there to help him plan his wedding (he was 19), I was there when his fiance killed himself, and everything in between. He was there for me through suicide attempts, medical issues, the spinal tap that I almost died from due to spinal fluid leaking, he tutored me in French (he was from France), he helped me want to get back into a healthy exercise routine that we would do together (on skype) and he had a hard time. just over 6 months ago, on October 23rd 2013 Hunter committed suicide leaving behind twin boys, a dog, a loving brother, and numerous friends. I have had an incredibly hard time and the day he committed suicide was the last day that I attempted suicide. I was so hurt and depressed, and numb and just done. I just wanted everything to end (I still do). I miss him so much. We were so close and it still hurts to this day.. I’ve lost a total of 3 REALLY close friends to suicide and every single day I think of them. I miss you Hunter, Lucy, and Evan… I love you all and I hope your happier now than you ever were here on Earth. I miss you…
I’ve been suicidal again lately and I’ve just been going through a lot of stress.. moving schools again, memories like this have been playing over and over in my head, the voices are as loud as ever, and a lot more. But I guess I have to keep trying……. still have hopes and dreams.. it’d just be nice to have support from those I love. Just know that someday when I’m living my dream of being in a hard rock/metal band that it will be for those fallen who only pushed me harder to achieve my dreams.
1 comment
I hope that you feel better. Even thought we don’t know each other, I’m proud of you for trying to stay strong and being able to see that maybe you can use your pain to push you forward, so that your pain was for something.