“I loved you. I still do.” Tears run down her face and drop from her cheeks. She looks at the lifeless body, the closed eyes and takes one hand, as she used to. It feels cold and limp. “Do you remember as a child, when you came running towards me, jumped on my lap and gave me long hugs whenever I wasn’t feeling well? Now, when I need you the most, you are not even here to hold my hands.” Her voice was weak and she stuttered, but she knew he could hear her. It was then when she noticed how peaceful he looked, as […]

My mom always says she loves. I can beleive that but I dont beleive is that she wants. Neither does my dad, my stepfather, or anyone who says the love me. I just cant take it any more. My mom always sides with my sister. Just because she cant get over any thing I’ve done. She is part of the reason I feel so horrible about my life. Because she thinks that making me feel bad will make my sister feel better.

I didn’t think I’d end up posting on this site again…   I’m the type of person who takes everything someone says seriously, even if its someone I don’t know I take what they say to heart.  I’m not going to go into too much detail about what started this but I’ll say enough to explain what I’m doing.  I’ll admit my last post was…  well not something you’d expect to find on here but what can I tell you?  I’m an emotional person and I was panicking, I needed a way to let all of my feelings out.  Which is sort of how I […]

my dad and i got in a fight last night about my Spanish grade. i told him keeping my grades up is hard because i get stressed. he yelled at me for having a low tolerance for stress. he said to me back when i was a kid i can handle all you go through and more. but he never had to go through what i do. feeling worthless and stressed all the time, being picked on for being different, getting yelled at every night by a drunken asshole because he wants me to feel bad about myself. i used to like myself when i […]

Who said that love was fire?
I know that love is ash.
It is the thing which remains
When the fire is spent,
The holy essence of experience

Memoirs of Suicide

June 19th  2013. That was the day I tried to kill myself. Yeah. Not what you’d expect from a nice girl, right? It’s hard understanding what drives someone to want to kill themselves unless you’ve been there, but I’ll try to explain it as best I can.

It’s like you’re a speed above or below everyone else, you can see them but they’re moving too slow or too fast for you to catch up. I was with people but I was always alone. It’s like I was in a bed in a really deep ditch and I had to try and crawl out of […]

i hope no one would judge me here .
i am just a teen ., 15-16 ..but i have done horrible things . i had round about 6-7 ex boyfriends & more reltns in which i stayed with just 2-3 days but all these relationships were on fb or phn , no physical contact , i was a kid and i was immature and i hate myslf for wt i had done , i regret it evry single day , i feel so sad that i can’t face myslf . i was immature , but my reputation now is totally ruined , beside my exs […]

Next month it will be a year that she left my side. She didn’t give me life, but filled me with life. If Nate would have just let me be i would be with her.

Loss is such a painful part of life. I still don’t understand why the people i need in my life are taken from me in such horrid ways. My daughter would be getting her license this year. I can’t believe i only had eight days with her, but i wouldn’t change those days for anything in the world.

I suppose i am lucky that i have turned all my pain into a […]

I do not know why it is that I deteriorated so quickly. It just happened. It’s just happening. Taking it day by day was supposed to help, and for a brief while there, I went without thinking about ending life. By brief while, I mean one day. That’s a start. I do not know whether or not it will be enough to save me. I keep going to back to what the real solution is, but for some reason I refuse to oblige. I refuse to save myself, and it is honestly incredibly stupid. I do not know why I do not want myself to […]

Goodbye everyone. Wish me Luck.

I can’t think straight. This won’t be long. I’m abused, and while typing my hands are shaking. I don’t know where my life will go. My parents will arrive from their works later and my mini hell will begin. I need someone but I always find none. I don’t know where to go. They’re slowly killing me. Help. Help. Fuck. Damn. Darn. Help.

I never thought I would end up on someplace like this. I never wanted to die before. But my life changed, and I did nothing to deserve any of it. I spend my while day asking, “Why me? What did I do?” My brother killed himself in front of me. And I loved him. He was my world I always looked up to him, but after a night of partying I guess he decided he couldn’t take it. And just like that, he was gone. I don’t want to live without him.

That was a year ago.

I thought I would get happy but I’m not. What’s […]

Hey everyone. I mentioned a while ago that I was going to start ECT (electroconvulsive therapy) for my depression. I’m starting tomorrow and keeping a video blog of my experience. I just uploaded my first video (Before ECT). I will post videos as the treatment progresses. Here is the address to the link. If you ever have any questions, post them on the youtube channel comment section and ask.

Whitney

What’s the best thing in the world?
June-rose, by May-dew impearled;
Sweet south-wind, that means no rain;
Truth, not cruel to a friend;
Pleasure, not in haste to end;
Beauty, not self-decked and curled
Till its pride is over-plain;
Love, when, so, you’re loved again.
What’s the best thing in the world?
–Something out of it, I think.

people say that writing about how upset i am would help. but it doesn’t help because my dad finds my journal and reads them. i haven’t written down my feelings in over 3 years.  i want to write my feelings down. i want help. but my dad just tells me to suck it up. that i’m not really depressed. people say to ask for help. but whats the point of asking for help if nobody listens no matter how loud you are? i have attempted suicide twice. i had to go to the hospital one time. my parents were crying like they actually cared and […]

today was weird i look around me at all the people that are happy and wonder what is so wrong with me that i cant be like that. my friend came out as gay and nobody made fun of him, and yet i get made fun of all the time for no reason. i wish i was normal…

We are champions. All of us in our predicaments. Nobody will ever tell us that because no one else  can ever truly understand what it is we go through. I     I just wanted to say from one suicidal person to another.

I love you and i would hug the crap out of you if you were near.

You are my Hero.

And i wish you luck on whatever happens next.

in my city we have a high level bridge i planned to get drunk cause i don’t think i could jump off if i was sober. i had my friends with me and we sat underneath passing around the bottle. at the end of the night i was trying to save them from falling on their faces i had a chance to leave them there and climb up on the bridge and jump. but i couldn’t. instead i took half a bottle of clonazepams fell asleep listening to music dozed off and in my head im like, “this is it, finally”. i was feeling releived… […]

I think many people will relate to one or the other character of this movie

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xhalb0_waking-life_shortfilms

I want to start off with a simple word that does not mean a lot in today’s world and that is “sorry” I am sorry I have let you down. I am sorry I have walked all over you. There is nobody/nothing to blame it is my fault and I accept that. More people than I could count have tried to help me and all I have done is spat in their faces. As I look around I see everybody is moving on. I just stay on this path of nothing. I have given effort to make the right changes but all for nothing because […]