https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I4ZjXt0Fl58

I was told it was going to get better. But, it is considered better if it still lasted 5 years. Where ever I go, I visualize different ways to kill myself with the objects around me. I tried to use my “imagination of my death” in my horror stories of torture. Its gets me to wonder if I really want to torture myself to death because of my self hatred or fall asleep to my death. This goes through my head everyday.

…when i saw pain of others, i forgot my own pain

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fQbXsOA7F2Y

only one in a thousand is perhaps happy

some weep for somebody, some weep for somebody

in every house this lamentation is

my pain is so little in front of them

This is the face of it, this is what is called life

sometimes its irony makes me laugh, sometimes tears come out

confluence of pain and happiness it is

my pain is so little in front of them

embers in everybody’s heart, water in everybody’s eyes

ask whoever you want, everybody carries a painful story

in pain whole existence is

my pain is so little in front of them

how much pain there is in this this world

my […]

This site is so sad yet so important – even having a rant or sharing to a cyber-shoulder can help.. can’t it? I have been increasingly thinking of suicide again.. and when I say thinking of it I mean it really has always been there. As with a lot of people on here who have suffered with mental and emotional baggage a big part of their life… they understand. I fall into a bracket where it has always been there looming.. but I guess it gets to a point in your life (I’m an oldie at 48) where you realise you have put a damn […]

Hello I’m 25yrs young I like that word better I’ve felt this way for awhile now I attempted suicide once already and died for about 5 seconds, long enough to hear the heart monitor flatline and feel life slip away, when I was a kid I had believed in finding something to believe in or hold onto, when I was younger I would look into the mirror and this feeling of sadness ignite in my heart I’d stare through the tears and tell myself it’ll change it’ll go away I used to wake up at night and cry until I fell asleep again sometimes my […]

Don’t leave me
Don’t leave me
I can’t handle myself without you
Without you

These tears won’t fill my emptiness
I have this ache inside my chest.
Although we want to live and die.
Can we save this without goodbye.

Don’t leave me
Don’t leave me
I can’t stand to live without you
Without you

My lies have become my reality,
Is there such thing of you and me?
I can’t forget smiles and tears,
That help me through my biggest fears.

So please don’t leave me
Don’t leave me.
Cause I can’t even stand to try,
If we’re going to say goodbye.

Goodbye
This is goodbye
cause I […]

To whoever is reading this, i wanted to let you know that I won’t be coming back. Don’t bother searching for me because i’ll already be gone…all i ever wanted was to be happy, free, and loved by everyone….I kept telling myself “just give it a day, It’ll get better…” But now 3 years later….It’s even worse….I’ve tried therapy, i’ve tried medications, i’ve tried going to the hospital….But none of these treatments can make me feel “Alive” again…I feel like a Freak….A Mental person who needs to be locked up before i hurt someone….They think i’m going to hurt someone….But in reality….I’m scared that THEY […]

I lay awake at night until the fatigue hits. My doctor has taken me off my sleeping medication. I beg my mom to let me take the pills that are left and she refuses. I think about awful thoughts when I lay awake. I think it will be better in the morning, but I know that’s false hope

You know, it seriously takes alot time and courage for someone who’s really shy and and the loner type to actually post anything. Alot of times I just press cancle on a full page post, so feedback would be nice. Also a comment to other posts that have no replies wouldn’t hurt either.
This is my first post, so let me start off by saying, yes I am quite uh ‘suicidal’ and I have no idea what I’m doing here, or why I’m posting my personal thoughts here. I’ll post a bit about myself later because noone wants to read another 100 paragraphs of another […]

My heart hurts from all the pain, so much that every beat leaves me with a sense of fatigue. Im just so tired of it all. I feel like its just me here alone looking inside myself trying to find something but the room is getting darker. i need some light.. some hope so my heart could medicate. Its been through so much trauma dont know how much more of it my heart could take.

label me hopeless, label me a coward, label me with whatever name you want to. I’m coming to the conclusion that my life is nothing but a reflection of  the dog shit on the corner of the street. you see.. the more i live the more i begin to realize this and the options i have in order for me to be happy are becoming slimmer and slimmer. Im on the cusp of being homeless and my mom wont help me out. I dont know what i did to make her so angry so fed up, honestly im fed up with myself. alot of things […]

I sit by the computer
Waiting for a response
Someone to talk to
Just one person
Thats all I want
Someone to talk to
That is there
But I mean
Who would?
Who would talk to a depressed and suicidal girl like me?
Who would sit and take their time to talk to me?
People have lives I understand that
But all I just want is someone to talk to
I feel so lonely sometimes
When I just sit here
With the music on playing softly
Just waiting for a response, but never getting one
Oh so lonely…

Im 24 and have decided that I cannot any longer liVe my life.

My probkems started years ago..my parents were both very neglecting,  and favoured drinking over their children regularly.

I was beaten by my dad until I was 18

Me and my mother have always been strangers…she just dosent like me

I was for all that reasonably popular un school but I have been battling severe insecurities about myself since 14

I found love 5 years ago this week

But the relationship is non existent and my girlfriend is only using me for money before she finishes with me for someone else

She didn’t even want to see me for our […]

I feel like, i’m the only one that feels like he’s being tested.

I feel like, this world is so absurdly fucked up, how could this be the real thing?

How can we expect to ever live in TRUE peace and harmony, if this world is a result of humans putting their heads together?

How can this world/life/dimension or whatever, be possibly real?

I’m no religious fella, or floaty supernatural type,  but if this is it then i really, really hope there’s life after death.

Because how can a person that has “woken up” freely waddle carelessly through all these working slaves we see as people?

I’m not sure if i’m […]

I really don’t want any of you guys to feel sorry for me I just really need to vent about the way I’m feeling right now. I’m 18, I have people I can call friends but none I can have a real conversation with. At one point of this year I was able to call the girl of my dream my gf. Now I lost her and really dont know what to do. I know people would say she’s just another but she is not, not to me. Daina I know that most likely you won’t see this but I need you I really do. […]

It’s been while since last post. I have been trying to keep myself a little hope that everything goes better but it is just fucking big lie. I dont know anymore who I am . Feels just whole time that this is a nightmare. Back in time I was very socially but now just shy and most likely I just want to be in home where I am safe but same time afraid. when i look outside of window for people’s talking each other or running all over the places i Think how they survives whit black in their mind’s and why i just get […]

I feel like I would hurt more people by leaving but I’m hurting myself by staying

I would rather kill myself than continue  living with my mentally abusive mother