is my mothers birthday and the anniversary of my fathers death. I haven’t said happy birthday to my mother in 7 years. It is not a joyous day, so I don’t think there is any point in saying it. It makes me feel horrible but I literally can’t find it in me to say it. And Mother’s Day is not too far behind. Worst daughter of the year.

Here I am again. Missing you, my love. I read the posts here and I think of you. I never thought for a minute that you would take your own life. You were strong, you taught me so much and you didn’t even know it. I always wished you could have seen yourself the way I saw you. I still love you with all my heart baby.

I am invisible. Always. What’s ironic is when I was younger I thought it would be great to be. Now I am. I get forgotten when I’m in the same room. Waiters and waitresses have forgotten me. I regularly get asked when or how I got there. I wonder how many would notice did I simply never showed up again.

What if I don’t want to move on anymore?
What if I feel so done with this world and life?
What if I dread waking up every morning?
What if I feel disappointed that I hadn’t died?
What if I am so hurt in this life that I can’t be fixed?

I can’t live like this anymore.
I’m so close to death.
I haven’t felt loved in months.
I have felt hated.
I’ve been hurt so much.

The young girl that was once inside of me
The young girl that was filled with hope
Filled with love and joy
The little girl that had a beautiful imagination

I cannot understand a world that makes children feel like they need to end their own lives to stop the pain. I cannot understand how parents fail to take the time to give a shit about what their kids are going through, or worse, torment them, abuse them, and belittle them! I cannot understand people who put down others in an attempt to make themselves feel better. I cannot understand a fucking thing!
T if you are still here please check your email and call me. Please let me know you are safe.

I’m new to SP and I have no idea where to start. I’ve done so many stupid things in the past. I read posts and I relate to almost all of them. I feel as if I understand you and I know you. I am always depressed, I have no idea what goes on my life anymore. I can’t find joy in the things I once loved to do. All I do is think about how useless I am, how depressed I am all the time, how my parents tell me crap all the time, I have no friends at all, seriously, and my boyfriend […]

I think today should be today. I’ve got nothing left.

My names Logan. I’m a sophmore in high school and i just dont want to live anymore. I cant take life anymore. A few months ago is when it started when I got my license and my friend wrecked my car. He was my drug dealer, and don’t take me wrong, i’m no “druggie”, i just occasionally smoked marijuana to help with all the stress school gives me. He ran and fled the scene and found out he didn’t have a license. All I hear at school is how big of a fuck up i am for it, and people who just harass me for […]

I’m on the fence! I’ve posted before but received no comments…it’d just be nice to know that there was someone else out there so I didn’t feel so alone through all of this!

I’m really tired of this emotional pain. I feel worthless and useless. Nothing I’ve asked for has ever been complete. I feel alone and abandoned. I’m old, married and have 1 son but can’t shake these feeling of self hatred, I’d rather just die, disappear, cease to exist. I fucking hate it

Why do I bother? Why the FUCK do I even try anymore? After spending a few days in the psych ward, I would have thought that things would be a little better. You are just as goddamn selfish and self-absorbed as you ever were! What if I HAD killed myself, you *****? What would you have done then?

Would you go to your goddamn aerobics class instead of going to my funeral? “That’s how life is, and you just have to get over it. Stop letting every little thing bother you. You’re just like your daddy, I can’t talk to you!”

Maybe because all you ever want […]

I am a voice in this universe
I will make it,
Putting aside everybody, everthing
This is the quest of me
This is my challenge
And I dare to take it
This is my rebirth
Im something in this universe
I am the god of my universe.

You haven’t posted in quite a while, you still hangin’ in there?

I’ve officially just failed my family and God and everything else in between. I don’t deserve a single second I’m awake.

I have a thousand fucks, but don’t give one

Spending my last days watching the setting sun

The lies I tell myself, to continue this charade

The painful memories streaming by in parade

Lights out, hit the racks

Bag up my ashes in a paper sack

Elation creeping up my spine

For on this poison I shall dine

As blissful silence

Replaces self inflicted violence

Everything is piling up on me, and it seems like when I get one issue sorted out, there are 5 new ones added to the queue. I quit both of my jobs earlier this year with the intent to move to Boston, but I got mono (for the THIRD time…how is that even possible???) and I ended up having to scratch any semblance of moving plans. I just got my old job at a cafe back, and though the majority of the staff missed me, it seems like everything is harder for me. Not physically. Something is itching at the back of my brain. There’s […]

I used to think it was SSRI’s. The Lexapro, Paxil, Lexapro doing it to me. I would have these dreams that I could not separate from reality. My therapist at the time told me it was lucid dreaming because at some point in the dream I would be able to say this is not real and wake up. The problem is I don’t take an SSRI anymore so it worries me that I can still dream this way. Am I going crazy? Sometimes I feel like I can’t even separate my dreams from reality. I wake up crying saying someone has passed away or my […]

When I look in the mirror,

I don’t see me

I see failure and no beauty,

I see ugliness and sorrow

I used to be so happy

A bubbly joyful girl

I used to be excited for school and my friends

 

Now I dread seeing myself

I fear breakfast and tea

I know my friends watch me

To make sure that I eat

They scan my arms everyday

Checking for new cuts

Their faces falling at the sight of crusted blood

I know they’re disappointed

I see it in their eyes

Some seem to understand

Some over-react

Some look disgusted when I show them the scars

 

Long sleeve t-shirts are the new ‘in thing’ for me

Jeans with pockets to hide my fingers

Rough […]