Tired of this life….

like the title says I’m tired of this life. I’m 37 years old. I’m drowning in debt. I’ve lost my career. I used to be a teacher and really good teacher. One day I asked sleepy students to stand. He stood I moved the chair away from him and he immediately sat back down and fell. My assistant said I pulled the chair out from underneath him. I was charged with assault on a child under 12. The child doesn’t speak English and his account the story doesn’t match mine or my assistant’s account of the story. I was decorated teacher and my career is over. I’ve always worked with children. Since I was a teenager I had a job working with children. Now I cannot find a job. I have over 60000 dollars of debt due to student loans and I am in default.2 years ago I left my husband of 13 years. I have full custody of our 14 year old son. My ex moved to the Philippines. He does not pay support.  since losing my job my life is spiraling out of control. Earlier this year I was facing eviction and placed an ad on a website for prostitution. the person who responded was an undercover cop and I was arrested. I’ve been given a public defender who is doing nothing. She is not returning my calls to the point where I stopped trying to call her. I’m living with a man who is the love of my life. he has a job but cannot support both me and my child.I go back to court later this month.that’s if I make it to this end of this month. I see no way out. Because of the pending charges and the conviction of assault I cannot find a job. Without a job I cannot support my child. And when my boyfriend finds out that I resorted to prostitution (stupid decision) I know he will leave me.I’m buried by the choices I’ve made. I was desperate at the time I made them. I thought my boyfriend was leaving I thought I was going to be evicted. The only help my family is willing to give me is to take my son.I was never in trouble before this year. My ex was a drunk who periodically beat me and enjoyed watching me sleep with other men. I took a job as an escort yes prostitute to make ends meet when he would not take a second job or reduce expenses like getting rid of cable or moving to a smaller house. Yes, he did know what I was doing but would deny it now. My current boyfriend knows I used to be an escort. He is the love of my life (I know I already stated this). He is the only reason I haven’t sent my son to my family and ended my life. When he leaves me I will have nothing. I wasted my life on a man and a career that amounted to nothing. I am nothing. I am buried by these choices and too old and tired to dig out. I will be accumulating the supplies I need to end this next week, as well as making arrangements for my son. I know he will be better off in the long run with my family.