I want to live somewhere cool
a land where palm trees grow
a place where in one hour’s drive
I’ll be in mountain snow.
Someplace with orange, tangerine, and avocado trees
where afternoon’s ocean breeze
will gently sway their leaves.
Where blonde girls in tight tops will suck
sticky popsicles
as cops pass by, wearing shorts
while riding bicycles.
City, suburbs, country too
Lots of hilly humps.
Deep blue skies and fluffy clouds
For days and weeks and months.
I’ll live somewhere near the beach
and call it paradise.
I’ll stick my toes in the sand
and think “Ah, this is nice”.
I’ll watch the sun set every night
with Heineken in hand
and thank my lucky stars I’m finally in the promised land. http://www.fodors.com/wire/Carryon-relaxing-beach.jpg
Before I write my post, I just want to say how relieving this place is. Strangely enough, every time I write a bit, after I feel better for a while. It’s like if writing a bit once in a while was a drug. But it feels goddam good to tell the world.
Sometimes I wonder why we should trust people. I have incredibly big trust issues. I really do not know who to trust. Ever.
Not my family, thats for sure… I can’t stand their judgemental “advice” .
My friends; Â I have many but none I can really truthfully talk to.
My best friend; I don’t know her sometimes. […]
Unhappy, Angry, low self esteem, Always feel like I’m outside looking in, where do I fit in? ashamed of myself, I feel so stupid, when I turn And walk away they are talking bad about me, I can feel it… I Insult you to hide my insecurity and pain, I say I Hate you when I just wanted a hug, Where was Dad when I needed his love?.. I feel like I’m Dying, Will Anyone notice or Even care?….. Years Later, Frown Lines, Eyes Weary so much mental Pain Even my body aches, I fucking give, I can’t take […]
So… I haven’t posted in a while. Most of you won’t care, others might be curious, but… Though I only posted here a few times, I thought I should give an update. An explanation.
I’m fifteen years old. I’m not an attention seeker. And I’m not faking.
A few months ago, I cracked. Years of trauma and abuse piled up until I just couldn’t take it any more. I fell into a dark place. I started cutting, stopped eating… Sometimes for weeks on end. I was miserable. Lost all of my friends. Eventually my parents took me to a counselor. But that just made things worse. I […]
I’ve had enough with my life now, with the past three years being hellish for me as I have experienced bullying for no reason other then being me, lost many of my friends because I stood up for myself when no one else would and lost my best friends due to love. Having a stutter doesn’t make life easy but instead singles you out as a target for bullies and being shy and not telling anyone of the bullying it ends up going unnoticed but in feb 2013 one person was being ageessive towards me while playing football as he kept punching me in the […]
It’s like I want to die but when I do something that puts my life in jeopardy I panic . its like in that moment when I have the chance to die I feel like I can’t do thi. And I think of every possible reason there is to live. Then something happens to me and I wish I did it and there is so much pain and I am angry. Why cant I do it?
I have been sitting here reading your posts and I want to break down and weep for all of you. I wish I could give each of you a hug and tell you how much I care and how my heart breaks over the pain you feel. I don’t know you, but I love you. You are worthy of love and you are worthy of life. You are worth it. I understand how difficult life can be, I have attempted suicide, but I have learned to love myself, so can you. It seems like no one is there to listen, but I am here. If […]
My back hits the door
My body sliding down to the floor
As I listen for the nightly fight.
The yells, the screams make me want to leave
Leave forever, never to return
Life gone forevermore.
The razors, the pills
They whisper to help,
to help relieve me from this pain and loneliness;
It’s only the matter of which and when.
im a religious girl i believe in God but right about now my life is not so easy my dads away and he was the only person that i felt good with i only see him once a year and i rarely talk to him on the phone my mom… my mom is harsh on me and i understand why but i just can’t take it anymore im sixteen but she treats me like im three i have no social life outside of school and social medias my friends and she’s so mean when ever she has a problem with someone else or something im […]
When I’m gone from Pitch Perfect“When I’m gone, when I’m gone. Your gonna miss me when I’m gone”
Or at least I hope you will. I hope that once I’m gone you see the good thing we shared.
I thought you would be the one who actually cared
But I guess not
There is a feeling in my chest of emptiness
Did you cause it? No..no you did not.
It is all my fault..Everything is my fault
I am always to blame..I am sorry
I am sorry I cry, I’m sorry I cut
I’m sorry I even lie..yet I have to
I have to hide how […]
Does anyone get thoughts about not living anymore? Like if there was a way to just disappear with no pain and not hurting anybody you knew,would you do it? I would like to say that i wouldn’t, that i love my family or words don’t hurt me or whatever people who are stronger than me say. But the difference between me and them is that I am a coward. I can’t talk back in fear of being hurt and I would chose to disappear and never come back than to try to fight back. Unfortunately, there is no such thing as a painless way out. […]
Your heart so hard and cold
The tears I hold as you all laugh at me.
Others not moving an inch, standing where they may
Your words so filled with silly hate.
Your hate is jealousy in the purest form.
I smile and pretend that the words don’t cut like knives.
That I can’t hear the little whispers in the halls
I don’t understand what I did.
I just want it to end, I want it to end here and now
Your hate is your poison and you choking on it.
Every breath you take, hate
Every move you make, hate
Every look you give, and […]
if we all take a stand and help people in this world to stop self-harming then the suicide rate and self harming rate will go down. right now the suicide rate is really high. i pray that it goes down. i know a really cute guy and he was pronounced dead at 6:02pm last night in my own city and I cant believe it and he was so cute and hot but he ot bullied and he couldn’t tke it anymore for all the people who say only ugly people commit suicide that ain true. thats a bullshit lie. i know because this cute guy […]
I’ve been in hospital psych ward for two weeks now. I self admitted to try and regulate my meds. Things aren’t going as smoothly as I had hoped. There are clearly people worse off than I. I have been witness to some aggressive personalities, situations that have occurred beyond my wildest imagination, and today my roommate made an attempt on her life that has struck me to the core. I have come to realize that any healing has to come from within. There is no one out there to help you. You are alone in this mess you find yourself in and there are two […]
There are times when you will wish that you have never, ever, started this life.
I want to CEASE right now. I wish I’ve never met everybody I know. I wish I don’t exist in such a suffocating world. Tears don’t suffice anymore. My eyes could simply not spare me anymore.
I’m so tired. I want to float away mellowly to God’s embrace. Someone that truly cares for me. Oh God on high, hear my prayer.
Frozen In Time
I know I’m always speaking against organized movements, as they always get infiltrated and hijacked. I’m not so much interested in a political movement though as a sociological one. The idea (even if TPTB twist it, I’m sure they will) is to fight against this Christianized stigma on suicide. Suicide should be a fundamental human right. Nobody should have the right to force other people to live against their will. Seeing as none of us CHOSE to be here, then it only makes sense we should have the right to choose NOT to be here. The stigmatization of suicide being “selfish” largely grew from the […]
We knew each other for six years before we got into a relationship that lasted nearly three years because even though things seemed to get better, exactly one week ago she pulled the trigger. Now the same question keeps on repeating itself over, over and over again: “Why?â€.
Before you all start commenting on why I didn’t help her, let me first make a couple of this things clear! Even before we got into a relationship I knew she was struggling with herself. She had this image of herself not being beautiful, smart and thin enough.
I could see the pain in the eyes. She had a […]
i have been on here for a couple of days but i deal with the same thing you guys deal with…….i am stuggling to not try and commit suicide even thoe it hards i get thru it.i have learn its not worth it nd nobody is worth my blood or me dying.if you ever need someone to talk to just comment below and i will help you i promise or i will do my best to try and help you.