I have it so good. Its just most the time I focus on the shitty stuff. Like today I just told myself “why are you deppressed? Even though you have no friends, you just got all A’s this year, and now you can sit on your ass and play video games all week” and I actually felt a little bit better. its a lot like sprinting ahead of the storm cloud above your head, but you know when you get tired it will catch up.

Is there anyone from NZ on here?:)

“Imagine you are in the middle of the sea surrounded by hungry sharks,

How do you escape alive?……….

you stop imagining .”

Basically you “wake up”.

I had a free class and the supervisor decided to do these weird riddles, and that was one of them.

( a weird free class I will admit)..

I find myself often wishing that this were the case, that with most hopeless situations, we could just wake up, and before you say it I know that these are the imaginings of a fool.  I’d like to think that this – my life- is just the ultimate nightmare and that I will wake up at some […]

Unconsciously, Our intuitiveness will tell us when we ready for something ( walking, drinking alcohol, moving out of parents house , getting married )

similarly, when we know we are ready for suicide?

Hi,

I’m thinking ’bout it again, it’s like a dream ’bout dying. You know just to forget everything, the stress is just to much.

I’m sure I will cut again, but still gonna go to school tomorrow.

When I tell someone what is happening to me, they just have those eyes that are cold and painful to watch.

I hate to open up to people.

I so wanna end all of it.

But there is the guilt, what are my family and close friends gonna think and fell?

I just want my blood to flow out of my body, drop after drop.

And maybe the gushing out part is gonna be the best!

I […]

labors/slaves/employees:

1   –     25   study
25 –     *      job

Humans:      

1    –     25    study
25-       *   own a company/author/travel/donate 1 billion/1 year at ganges…lot more

anything except working for others organization as job doer is called as human life

if you know any human being wasting their life on working for others organization, tell him is a human not slave and also warn him 90% of human race had became slaves just because of people like him

Giving someone false hope is the worst…

it amazes me how easy it is to fall back into the darkness. one minute i am cruising a long comfortably numb and the next i am making plans to die. i have been crying like someone is turning on a switch. my desire to be alone is strong. from where i am right now i see myself cutting the ties that keep me alive. maybe cutting isn’t the right word. maybe fading away is more accurate. i don’t share the chaos that is going on in my head with anyone. same old shit just different day.  the paranoia i feel when i am out […]

my parents dont understand what ive been through
my sister has made my throat ache because of me yelling at her to leave me alone
she does not listen despite me screaming at her to leave me be
she does not see the pain she has inflicted upon the young girl
she is so oblivious to the girl that crumbles each day until one day
she will be nothing and she will die
people around this young girl are oblivious too
they do not see the bruises that hide under her long sleeves
the red slap marks that she has hidden under concealer
the red […]

people ask me why i spend my time on the internet
they think that it is quite useless
but to me it is not
because here i feel loved and i feel like i am worth it
out there in the scary real world people hate you
they will find anything to bring you down
but here people love you and care for you
out there its a battlefield with everyone turned on you
shooting you with insults making you bruise so easily
here people heal these things and make them go away
why do i spend my time here
because its better in here […]

Why am I here

What the fuck am I doing

I hate life

I’m just holding on

Why

What’s the point

Haunted by my own thoughts

kill yourself

They gently whisper

…I may oblige

here I am laying in bed after a night of almost no sleep like every other night since ive been on these pills…im just to weak to move anymore its only a matter of time before my “sister” comes in yelling calling me names telling me to get up but I dont have the strength anymore im looking for a way to end this life,ive tried overdosing but that didnt work so I need something worse I dont care anymore if people are upset if I die because if they cared they would try to understand my pain but they dont even talk to me […]

I’ve done nothing to nobody yet I’m somehow the most hated person at my school I want my life to get better but everyone makes it worse I just want everyone to leave alone why can’t people do that WHY I get it I’m a horrible person I’m an asshole I’ve done nothing right in my life but I just want this suffering to end Ive never wanted to die so badly there is no fucking god and if there is he hates me I only want the hurt to stop once just once I want this to go away I’ve tried everything and I […]

Doesn’t that sound pretty whiney/pothetic,but it’s true I’ve never been popular with anyone never had any friends.I must come accross as creepy,boring or maybe even weird.nobody likes me.

fucking crappy ass friends i have. so this is how it is i decided to bring to of my friends to this band cncert thing cause i wanted to spend time with them. My other friend who is my ex, so is the one i was taking, want to go along so i said ok so i was going to buy another one. when i told them they were like if hes going then im not. i got so pissed that i said something i regreted i said fine i dont need you guys for anything anyways. this part i regret but this part i […]

how hard would it be to die from a caffeine overdose? I know it’s technically possible but….

the raven colored hair
falls upon her smooth face
the once warm and inviting eyes
are now shedding tears
dripping dropping ever so quickly
pittering pattering in her lap
as she curls up in a ball
wanting so badly to die and go
she opens up her mouth
and sighs ever so silently
she goes to speak to tell the world
but the room is dark and silent
will anyone hear her silent pleas
alas they will not because
she will mask them and hide them
hides her tears from the world
puts on a fake smile to mask her frown
looks down when passing […]

Frankly, I believe I’m growing weary; tired.

Not quite sleepy tired, why I’m finding it more and more difficult to become sleepy at night anymore (hence why I’m up at 11:27 p.m. feeling fully awake) but tired of something else.

Perhaps I’m tired of waiting. I believe I have full reason to be tired of waiting, for I’ve been waiting eight months for him. (M.A.B.) Eight goddamn months.

Why do people have to go through such heartbreak and disappointment? For I have waited and waited just so that nothing will happen.

I feel like suicide. Too bad all my overdose attempts never work.

I feel worthless enough already. My very first day of school, I felt ignored and lonely. This then created an alternate me. One who doesn’t think about herself but others, to feel and be included. They never asked how I was so I knew to keep it in, all these feelings of loneliness and fear. Fear of being wrong, fear of being judged. One wrong step and I crash to the dust. I failed her expectations, so I beat myself down, she did too. As a high achieving person like herself, she expected highly of me. So every night from then on, screams and shouts […]

So I’ve come to the conclusion that it does not get better.  The mental disorders don’t go away, I won’t get any less socially awkward, & I will not become any less pathetic.  I’ve sought help & It lead to my family thinking I’m crazy to the point where none of them want anything to do with me. I tried to just get away, but I end up with more problems then I started with. Always naturally hated by everyone I’ve met. First I thought it was a test. Then when I lost faith I thought it was a punishment, but now I know there […]