TLDR: 20+ years old, moved abroad to meet online friends, did something silly and now debating whether or not to leave cause I’m happy as fuck here but if I go home (and make the people here happy) I’ll spiral back down.
Hi everyone, first post. I’ve read this forum for months while trying to constantly claw myself back up from rock bottom, and I thought I did (temporarily) until I came into this problem.
I’m in my early 20s and moved across the world to be a nanny. I was studying at home, working, and just felt like a drone. I had met a few friends online who happened to live near where I was nannying for. Long story short, I fell out with the people I was nannying for and moved in with someone (and their mother) who I had met online.
They had been dating someone for 8 years, and two weeks or so in they ended up breaking up. Their group of friends have been constantly blaming me for it (even though I did not sleep with anyone since I’ve been here and would never do such a thing to anyone). While I’ve been here, I’ve also been making silly decisions since it’s a new place, new town, new atmosphere. But it seems that 98% of the people that I thought were my friends are talking about wanting me to leave, that I don’t belong, that I’m causing too much drama (when I really think I’m not?). I’ve done silly things like kiss people (who are single as well!) while I’m drunk, and that’s about it.
Part of me wants to say fuck all of them, this is my life I’ll do what I want. Â I’ve taken the time, energy, and money to be here, to explore this place and have fun. Was hoping for some sort of epiphany, something that would be life changing. And I haven’t found it yet. And I don’t want to go home.
But another part of me hates seeing people upset with me, regardless of how irrational their anger is. I value other peoples’ happiness above my own, and I don’t think I’d hear the end of it if I stayed. They’ve been on about calling immigration (I think trying to spook me into leaving, even though I have nothing to be deported for). I’m tired of always having to defend myself that I’m not sleeping with everyone’s boyfriends, that I’m not starting drama, that I’m not doing this and I’m not doing that. They’re not shit friends (is this me trying to rationalize their behaviour?) I think they just don’t have anything else to do with their time.
I just really don’t know what to do.
2 comments
You are in your lower 20s. Do what makes you happy. I’m a bit older but drama takes up too much mental effort. Life is good and bad experiences and for me the best learned ones are the ones I experienced first hand. Maybe just float till you find your place in all of it. No matter what someone tells you on here its just a guess… Sometimes you just have to say fuck it and commit to picking option E when you think you only have option A or B.
They sound like shit friends to me, as a matter of fact they don’t sound much like friends at all. My advice, pull away from them, slowly so as not to draw to much attention. It seems that you really do in fact want to stay and continue what you set out to do when you moved there, so by all means, you SHOULD do that. Get out and start forming some new friendships! Surely everyone in that town isn’t so paranoid and quick to judge. You sound to be a nice, normal (whatever that means, lol) young lady. It won’t be hard for you to meet people and form some new and hopefully healthier friendships. Live and let live. You’re you’re young and free and exploring the world and new people. Enjoy yourself!