It saddens me so to read all the comments and realise – most people don’t understand us at all.

Society has been going on and on about how we suicidal people need anti-depressants. About how we have mood fluxes and that our suicidal thoughts are irrational, born from irrational feelings.

No.

Most of us have thought about this long and hard. We’ve tried it once. But at that last moment, we see a glittering, shimmering light of hope. Our choices to end our own lives are not something that springs from the moment. We think about it, we plan about it, and we’ve always found that it was […]

This is going to sound ridiculous, but I don’t think my body was meant to last as long as it had. I tried to kill myself a couple of years ago and failed (obviously). I am currently in my first year of university, and a lot of my joints have been giving me increasingly more problems. It started with just my ankles, but now my wrists, knees and shoulders are paining more and more often. It’s as if my body it breaking because it was not meant to go on as long as it has.

I also see nothing in the future. All my ‘friends’ have […]

I’ve been suicidal since the age of 14. I’m now 36. I’ve spent 22 years fighting the pain daily, trying to tell myself to just get through the next day, looking towards the future, grasping at any tiny thread of hope. But the depression is always there. I haven’t fulfilled my potential in life – I was a straight A student, socially adept with many friends, good-looking, and liked by most people. I could have done anything I’d wanted to with my life.

I feel that what I want is always just within reach, but then the monster of depression will latch on to my mind, […]

I think we are here because we have a common interest in finding someone similar to us. Someone with a familiar story. What good this accomplishes or what you do after that is beyond me.

I am 27 years old and recently began seeking help for depression. I have been depressed for most of my life, as far back as my early teens. I figured the symptoms were just a part of my personality and didn’t think much about treatment. I didn’t want to admit that anything was wrong. Only now do I realize that I have dug myself into hole. Other people my age have […]

Not having the energy to write back guys you think are cute

not having energy to write reviews on yelp,things you love My childhood psychtrist killed himself this past weekend what does that say for me? what does that mean,This was amilestone breaking point in a metaphorical symbolic way,Idk idk things have been getting better,Like really better but when things go bad everything just piles on,Really I could break or be the most strongest person If anyone knew my whole life or my life they would see how thin and how thin and so close they are to eachother idk idk ill be fine but this […]

I’m leaving not for a few days im leaving forever i can’t handle this obviously i was a mistake if i can’t feel happiness by the time you have read this im dead no takebacks i know but life would be so much easier without me bye world if your my friend and your reading this please don’t get upset don’t waste your tears over someone like me personally i don’t want to die but it’s the only way for me to remain happy it’s like my life is frozen in this one dark spot that i can’t get out of im only 11 […]

Tonight was interesting. I found out my mom had been married before, in college. And that my father was a complete pot head. And so was every other man my mom had dated before. And that my uncle was a very popular weed dealer in southern Arkansas. My cousin doesn’t know, but my uncle had been married before to a total ***** and he doesn’t want Natalie to know. I really don’t like secrets much less keeping them. I wish my mom hadn’t told me that because I will probably end up fucking shit up again. Sad night. Its actually pretty funny I wasn’t invited […]

As I’ve told you in my previous posts, I’m a nihilist.Meaning I don’t think there’s good or evil, morality, value, ethics and right and wrong, I think that all of this is subjective, and therefore cannot change any objective aspect, I don’t believe that anything like that is real, necessary or effective.Also, I think that the universe is indifferent towards our existence, our lives are but an ephemeral meaningless exercise of futility.Then I try to act indifferently.I TRY, but I can’t get rid of most of my emotions.Today was a living hell, this day couldn’t get worse.Everything simply went wrong, I […]

I feel like pretty people don’t get suicidal or depressed. Or at least they don’t as easily. I hate the world. I hate chance. I hate being ugly, and being alive. My friends are starting to care less, and therapy doesn’t help at all.

I had friends who I loved with all my heart. I moved in with 2 of them and my boyfriend. We were our own little family. And now. My boyfriend and one of my friends moved away. I try to keep in touch with my friend who still lives in the same town as me but she never gets back to me. Saying she’s working and then I see snapchats of her with other people.

Am I really horrible that this girl that I considered my family for so long would flake out on me?

I have no friends in my home town and I can’t moved […]

Love is a lie and I want to die.

Peer run – people like you and me, talk safe.  Give it a try the one in my city is great.

http://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/To-Write-Love-On-Her-Arms-Time-Will-Fade.mp3

Dishing like the wishing well

Granting wishes but wishes never granted

It’s all i’m taken for

A ride through hell and back

To reality – I hope this isn’t some kind of spell

Binding pain keeps me trapped inside

Out of the frying pan and into the

Ready, aim , fire!

The smoke burns my eyes

Wide open spaces hold me captive

Audiences can’t turn their heads from the fight

To the finish!  I run until my legs are broken

Hearts sinking, eyes flooded with tears

Blood and sweat […]

Every now and then I will find a cut that I don’t remember doing to myself. I can tell that it was self inflicted, but I don’t remember doing it. Does this happen to anyone else?

Sigh. I had some clarity! But now..
I just wrote a long post about my life this past month and why i think i have been having so many jumbled thoughts lately. How absurd life really is and got into whether my life seems confusing because of my racing brain or if my brain is racing because of the events this month.
But of course it all deleted itself before i was done. Grrr. Mushu
Life sometimes, i mean what are the odds? It’s like there is some invisible line on my “life worth chart”..or something. And every time my life value goes above it. […]

Atelophobia: the fear of imperfection, of not being good enough.

Today was great so why do I still feel like a worthless piece of shit? I worry more and more about weather or not I am going to kill myself. I no longer have a happy place to take me away from myself for a while. I feel it is almost necessary now to do it sense everyone is expecting me to. But the secret is I don’t want to die, I want to be happy. I want to wake up in the mornings with a smile and for the voice in my head to point […]

I registered that any more credible post is automatically sent to spam or deleted completely. I miss the times when this page was more credible and available about CTB.  Any mention about inert gas or N or other are shredded aside.

Well, Fu8k you, when you keep the vulgar,  the meaningless and the mocking ones and delete the ones with something to offer, that says the most about you.

Turns out, after like four attempts…

It still hasn’t worked. I can never pass out. I have no idea what the hell.

Fuck the world.

Did you ever wanted that every human being had a restart button and start all over again? well, that’s all i ever wanted since i start to feel this way, empty, usseles, no loved, but no, you need to learn how to live with it, you need to learn how to deal with every day, i don’t think i’m learning to, i don’t like this world, i don’t like my life, i don’t like anyone around me,  I HATE THE FACT THAT I ALWAYS WANT TO FEEL LOVED, I HATE THE FACT THAT I ALWAYS DEPEND ON SOMEONE,  i hate myself, but sorry, killing myself […]

Many human lives are clueless, at end of life “what you did with 100 years” finds no answer

Most of things on earth (god, rules, ethics, philosophy, technology) are developed by few confident, intelligent, strong humans
remaining all species really don’t have any clue on what the shit they living for

1. Not enough money for live the way we want

2. Even if keep accumulating the money with job doing, it takes a life to make reasonable amount of money.

3. Any how we die, why the shit we should undergo lots of pain to continue doing what we are.