Hi, I’m new to Suicide Project.

I really seek for empathy and love.

I feel that I’m a total failure. It sucks how people can hurt each others. This world is messed up. Nobody understands me. 

If anyone needs real help, I’m here.  We’ll stay strong together.

Hey girl.

This post is a complete long shot.
I’m just wondering if you’re still here somewhere?

I miss you.. and;
the girl interrupted
life sucks thin u die
deep abyss
hani3
tali

Please get in touch if you’re about.

I’m sorry about all the things I did in my “youth”. I made the stupid decision to push you away back when SP chat was so popular. I made a stupid comment saying I committed a grotesque thing that meant I would get banned from that community and sort of shunned. It was for the better, although only because I was on the chat for far too long. I bet it’s either dead now or only 2 or three people left on there.

I can’t think of all the names of my old friends of whom I miss dearly, but yet somewhere in my mind your […]

Hello Friends,

About 6 weeks ago I was ready to move on…..all my ducks were in a row, as the saying goes.  But then three things happened.

1.  I learned a person I know and respect also suffers from MDD and has attempted.  She shared this with me quite out of the blue.  Evidently it took someone who had walked several miles in my shoes to see and heed the signs.  I wasn’t aware I had let anything slip.  She picked right up on it.  I now have someone safe to go to in times of need.  And what is really remarkable is she knows and understands that […]

Hi everyone!

Nothing personal today, but I’ve been having strange dreams for years, even before I was on sedatives or antidepressants, and sometimes these things make them more vivid, but they’re always strange. I can’t remember them most of the time, but I remember flashes of things, like dizzying heights, zombies, the end of the world (actually pretty common for me), people getting mutilated, trying to solve a mystery or stop a crime.

Anyway, I wondered if anyone had any dreams or nightmares they would like to share. I’m wishing I could remember what I dreamed last night, but apart from a few snapshots, it’s gone.

I’m 37. And I’m an asshole. I’ve hurt people. Because I have fears. My mother was murdered christmas of 1999. My father, who always treated me like I was nothing, died christmas 2006. I always blamed myself for my mother’s death. I should have been there. I also have a severly autistic son, which I also blame myself for. In fact, she tells me all the kids are fucked up because of me. And I lost the one person that I loved more than anything due to me. Nobody else. And I’ve had to come to terms with the fact that I’m the problem. Me. […]

You know why? 

Everyone has one

When you decided to do something ( may be suicide, travel, start-up, divorce) Just do it, Don’t ever consider others opinion

I cannot fathom the thought of love.

There was a moment 2 years ago where I experienced intimate love for the very first time. At that point in time, I felt like I was on top of the world – but, when after almost 7 years, you’re world decides it wants to move on, you are left broken and cold – it all changed.

Although my love towards this individual has only changed from intimate to platonic, it becomes a ride of anxiety-fear-hope-annoyance, because it has been 2 years since we’ve seen each other; 6 months since we’ve emailed each other; I am waiting to hear from […]

Suicide is not the coward’s way out. You’re leaving what you know to go somewhere you don’t. The ones who wait and wait and wait for it to get better and it never does, those are the cowards. I am not a coward. And I’m ready to end my life and kill the pain.

I want out. I no longer want to live. I know this. Why is it so hard to end it? I’ve lost everything and the things I’ve never dealt with have eaten me alive. The only thing I think about is ending it. I wish I had a heart attack that would just take me. Or anything. Something. There is no reason to live, no love, no nothing. And there’s no one to talk to. They’ve all left me. And yet I stay here. Why? Why the fuck do I still breathe? I should be dead. I should have been dead long ago. And I’m […]

and I still don’t want to be alive.

he won. if i don’t graduate, i’m going to take legal action against him. that’s all i care about now.

Lie in a bed of white, buried in cotton
Feeling empty, lost and hopelessly forgotten
Prescription bottles on the nightstand
Next to a rusted wedding band
Half-empty champagne glasses litter the floor
And there’s no where to turn anymore
So you climb into the bathtub and clutch the blade
Hoping that the voices in your head will fade
Everything that ever mattered slips away
And you engrave all the words that you couldnt say
As blood trickles down your legs, you cry
Because finally, you feel alive

I feel like I should have done something more to help. More often then not I feel completely useless. I worry that when I tell him these things he is on his side of the line rolling his eyes. The more I think the sadder I become. I want to stop thinking. I want to end it all. I try to change myself into to something else and lose sight of who I am. Am I even who I think I am? I have so many questions not getting answered. Not that anyone should even worry. I am prone to ruining shit especially relationships. I […]

I don’t know how to start this
But I feel like I need to get it out there
The words that are stuck in my throat
They need to come out of the darkness
And into this world because if they dont
Im just going to keep bottling it up
I guess I was always okay with what I looked like
Then one day that changed
I got more self conscious of my weight
My hips, my stomach, my waist
All of it I hated because it was never perfect to me
My hips were never wide enough
My stomach was never flat enough
My […]

I know it sounds odd that I post this on here, but honestly it would help ME if you help my fiancee. His unemployment has been the cause of so much stress and depression in our lives. Please, if you know anyone who is hiring a Senior Network/Systems Administrator within the Houston area, let me know and I will give you contact info…

I realized I want awful things to happen in my life, so it decipts how bad I feel inside. I want to hide behind an awful event so people think I have a reason to be sad, because people never believe feelings can get so painful, to the point you hurt physically. To the point you want to kill yourself. They need something concrete.
One year ago, my father died, and just a few minutes before I learned he had passed away, I found a small part of myself feeling okay with the prospective of him dying, so I could hide behind that event. Not […]

I have it so good. Its just most the time I focus on the shitty stuff. Like today I just told myself “why are you deppressed? Even though you have no friends, you just got all A’s this year, and now you can sit on your ass and play video games all week” and I actually felt a little bit better. its a lot like sprinting ahead of the storm cloud above your head, but you know when you get tired it will catch up.

Is there anyone from NZ on here?:)

“Imagine you are in the middle of the sea surrounded by hungry sharks,

How do you escape alive?……….

you stop imagining .”

Basically you “wake up”.

I had a free class and the supervisor decided to do these weird riddles, and that was one of them.

( a weird free class I will admit)..

I find myself often wishing that this were the case, that with most hopeless situations, we could just wake up, and before you say it I know that these are the imaginings of a fool.  I’d like to think that this – my life- is just the ultimate nightmare and that I will wake up at some […]