Starting to wonder if you keep living a life full of suffering and stress if your brain doesnt just shut down on its own because it cant take anymore.  Destroy itself.  Always had memory and concentration problems and sometimes a memory lapse  cuz of my depression problems now i am just really disabled cuz of them.  But i am also in the worse place of my life for the last  couple of years.  I have felt traumatizing pain over and over.  I cant remember one day from the next anymore.  I cant rem if things happened today or yesterday or the day before.  my brain […]
I have tried partial suspension. I passed out exactly once; and I would have actually died, I think, had my rope not loosened, somehow.
Since then, I’ve tried it several more times, but never again have I ever been able to pass out, let alone actually die. (Obviously…)
What the hell am I doing wrong?
#1 god : I became an atheist with 17, studying science and phylosophy a lot, if I could travel in time I’d like to have understood the universe before, but I was so stupid and busy.
#2 love : All I see is divorce, splits, and people betraying.It’s the real thing, true love is a fairy tale thing.
#3 happy endings : At least not for me.
Dreams can give you hope when you’re hopeless, they give you reasons to hold on, they can give you strengh and energy to move on and overcome the difficulties.However, dreams they can grow BIIIIIG, and if they grow really big and you realize that you can’t make them come true…well…THEY SIMPLY RUN WILD!.They will become a burden, a heavy burden and make your life unbearable, then smash you into pieces.
my ex is right back at it again. Yesterday I was working in the fuel station, and apparently he kept telling customers and co-workers alike how horrible of a person I am. It got so bad that someone from the service desk called me down at the kiosk to warn me of what Alex was doing. shitty thing is, I can’t really do anything about it
Hey fellas,
Iam a 15 year old dumb as a rock good for NOTHING fat ugly piece of shit.I decided to write my last note on a website and not on paper because my handwriting is very bad.Actually iam not flawed.Iam a flaw(if it means anything).My life is on rocks.The only option left for me is death.I know killing oneself requires a lot of courage.But i have to die whether i like it or not.I have no friends,people hate me for some reason.They even made fun of my cuts including my teacher!I decided to show all of them what iam capable of but you know […]
Nobody tells the future. Â Futures don’t have infinite linearity to each distinctive, singular life. Â I have more future then past in my life right now. Â And they say . . . live for that. Â Truth be told, no – we can not undergo a set-in-stone determination of what the future will be. But the implications of life now can decide what the future might be like. Â Life is bad right now, driving me to the last of me, all done by my own hand. Â What makes it worse, is I can’t pick out any possibility for a future with a good outcome.
Quiero morir
Déjame ir
She was ten when she noticed
When it crept into her veiw
Was it too late?
She was sitting in her desk trying to draw
When death and suicide were all that she saw
she saw the darkness for all that it was.
She learned to deal
It wasn’t severe.
Aside from the voices she’d started to hear.
She was ten when she noticed
When it crept into her veiw
Was it too late?
ive fucking had it. it’s 9 am. I’m tired as shit. i have more shit to do than i have time to do it. i don’t even fucking have time for a social life. I’m doing everything i possibly fucking can. all i want to do is graduate. at the top of my list. stop making my life so fucking hard and miserable. my skin is the worst it’s ever been and it won’t get better because I’m so fucking stressed. he keeps me talking till fucking late as shit then i have to get up early. i don’t have time for this. he doesn’t […]
I am most sure that today in the music scene talent and practice will get you nowhere, nor will it get you noticed by record labels or the fans the labels control.
Music has turned into a fashion show that has nothing to do with music.
I have come to the conclusion that my 16 years of classical training and practicing many different instruments has all been for nothing since I refuse to cover my body in tattoos, play hot topic dress up and crop my hair off at a weird angle. I am most sure if I did those three […]
I’m sorry, mom
I’m sorry, dad
I’m sorry, friends
I’m sorry, Family
I’m sorry, body
I’m sorry, mind
I’m sorry, teachers
I’m sorry, voice
I have failed all of you at one point… or every day.
Mom: I’m sorry I am not like my brother, I’m not made of gold and jewels. I am not skinny, smart, good looking, or good at anything. I am sorry I am failing school, I am sorry you are embarrassed to call me your daughter. I am sorry that you are ashamed to be in public with me because I am not thin like all the other girls. I am sorry I don’t do make-up and my hair, […]
I want to talk to someone. I want to understand them and for them to not judge me. I want to know someone’s story. I want someone to know my story as well. Send me a message. Send me something, anything. I’ll be watching this page this time.
lost track of how many nights I havent slept. I know I’ve gotten less than three hours in the past five days.
So, tomorrow I will be away from technology for 24 hours, because I’m involved in the Every 15 Minutes project.
“The Every 15 Minutes Program offers real-life experience without the real-life risks. This emotionally charged program, entitled Every 15 Minutes, is an event designed to dramatically instill teenagers with the potentially dangerous consequences of drinking alcohol and texting while driving. This powerful program will challenge students to think about drinking, texting while driving, personal safety, and the responsibility of making mature decisions when lives are involved.” (-The Website)
I couldn’t tell very many people, because nobody at school can know it’s happening, so I had to tell […]
alright, it’s been a while since i’ve been on here, but, i exist still
nothing has really changed. my anxiety isn’t AS bad, i guess. I’ve been having more panic attacks though. a while ago, i talked about seeing things- and i still do. worst than before. it’s an all day thing. i always see things, i feel like someone is watching me 24/7 i feel uncomfortable all the time.
i have depersonalization disorder, but it isn’t really as bad as it was. now that i can actually deal with reality, i have come to terms that i absolutely hate my body and the way i look. […]
I first cut myself at age twelve. And tried to commit suicide. I was diagnosed with depression right before I turned thirteen.
Now before all of you come at me saying “that can’t be true” or “12 is a little kid,” I have been an extremely advanced individual all my life. I was reading above most adults level at the age of ten. Most people thought I was lucky but to be able to understand everything going on around me at such a young age was torturous for me. My mother and father had very hard psychological pasts, my father being handed around from person to […]
The saddest and most haunting feeling for me now is realizing that there is no afterlife, reincarnation or unconditional love waiting for me on the the other side. Â My consciousness will not go on, life will cease to exist. There is no explanation for all the challenges in life. The bad will go unpunished- no such thing as karma. Â It was all just a fairytale.. I feel deep sadness over this realization. There’s no where to go.
I’ve spent the past 35+ years in a depressed state. Something needs to change before it is to late. I’ve contemplated suicide more times then I can count even went as far as planning how and when I would do it. But I couldn’t pull myself to do it because I didn’t want my kids to grow up without a mother. And I didn’t want people think of me as weak and selfish. I hate the image in the mirror. I’m tired of putting on a brave front. I sick of crying myself to sleep. The loneliness is suffocating my soul. How can  I teach […]