Every night, sleep is difficult. I feel so alone, which is probably the most ironic thing I’ve ever said, considering my brother is my roommate. But yeah, it’s just…impossible. It’s probably when I feel my most depressed, which is completely inexplicable, because during the day it’s pretty bad too. Bad enough to where I’m just…incapable of doing work, which somehow seems pretty nonsensical. I’m just like, “fuck this,” which is just about the ultimate recipe for failure.

I’d hang myself with a bed sheet if I knew how to properly tie a noose, and if I knew how to properly secure […]

I know we shouldn’t go around feeling like our life is a failure, or that we are a failure.  And I never felt that way until these last couple of years where I’ve been pretty useless, I suppose that’s the word.  I got badly injured 5 years ago and haven’t been able to accomplish anything; even getting out of my house to get to the store to feed myself when I can do it is like the biggest victory I can muster up.  I guess I feel so hopeless and so futile and like a complete failure because I don’t quite see myself improving physically, […]

Getting better is a long journey. I woke up and the first thing I told myself is that I wouldn’t die today. I decided to set daily goals. Small things, baby steps.

I’m scared, I feel like if anyone got close they could actually smell the sadness emanating from my pores. I’m anxious and insecure. But I will fight this. I will not let my emotions take control over me.

I went for my weekly doctor’s yesterday as I mentioned in my previous post   http://suicideproject.org/2014/02/anywhere-but-not-there/. She was very weary of letting me stay home as I had put myself in a […]

I never realised how much depression effected me and everyone around me until i experienced it first hand. i’ve suffered from depression for over a year and i used to self harm and now im left with embarressing scares that leave something for people to talk about. Im slowly getting better but easily go back into the dark hole for a ffew days where i cant even try to act happy. I recently had a fight with my mother who attempted to hit me which has shaken me up for the past few days and created my mood to very dark.

I want to tell […]

Hi,

An MBA in Finance, worked in Frankfurt, London, Zurich and now jobless in my hometown India. I lost my job 7 months ago. Have 7 years of work experience in financial sector. I have a home and car loan on my head. Till last month i was able to manage these loans and my daily expenses with all my savings. But from March 2014 i will have no house, no food, no loan money, nothing; as all my saving are over. The biggest of all is I have a credit card payment of 2000 USD to be paid by feb end and I have nothing […]

I am 19 years old, have been suicidal for about 11 years, and seeing therapists for 7 or 8. I have also tried several different antidepressants with no results. It seems that it has gotten to the point where I just don’t do anything anymore, and frankly, I’ve become a complete waste of space. My parents and entire family have given up on me for the first time in my life, and I suffer from thoughts relating to solipsism non-stop. I am at the point where committing suicide is all that I care about, to the point where I would get rid of anything in […]

I got married about 22 years ago. Since day one I looked after my wife with love and affection. I am 5’11” and she is just under 5′. I have suffered all thru’ my life due to uncaring siblings and parents. Thus when i got married I took liking to this girl that played a perfect game to get me married to her. Once after marriage, her games began almost as soon as the marriage was over. She back stabbed me all the time, with her brother […]

I want to kill myself. I want to be thin and beautiful and I don’t want to look like a piece of shit anymore I hate myself so much and it’s so overwhelming I just want to die its so tempting I just want to be skinny and pretty but I look like a fucking horse and I want to stop lying a to my shrinks. I don’t want to be fat anymore I just want to be perfect and skinny and never eat anything again

Everyday I wake up, hoping, today is going to show me something to live for. I feel like it’s groundhog day. Heh. Tuesday, after Tuesday, after Tuesday. Everyday, I wake up with hope, it’s the only thing that get’s me out of bed. Every night, I go to sleep, dead inside with tear stained eyes; because I live a life without love. My sister, always turning a cold shoulder. My mother, working as hard as she can to feed us and keep a roof over our heads, no time for me. My friend/the renter, going through emotional troubles herself and everyone always asks her for […]

I keep moving forward toward it. I’m trying to shake the guilt.  Living all these years for others it’s time I get to choose for myself.  Tomorrow I make a firm plan for method, which dictates a timeline.  I have some cases I have to wrap up at work.  I’ve told a lot of my clients they need to move on and find someone else to help them but there are about three cases that are almost done and I don’t want to screw them overby not finishing.  But I think I can wrap that up in two weeks, three tops.

but I came here because […]

really making it official by going to jail again,just to make it more official ill be sent to the hospital instead of jail

so im wearing all the clothes for the first time since the crazy episode five years ago you people don’t understand

I’m tired of religious groups going out and trying to make people believe in what they want them to believe. Especially the Mormons in my neighborhood. They think they can just come into my house and tell my family what’s right and what’s wrong. They think that they can just tell us a couple lame stories(or scriptures) and make us believe in what they believe. And they may have gotten my family to believe that but they’ll never do the same to me. I’ve got my own beliefs and as long as they aren’t hurting anyone then I’m not changing them. I’m just sicken tired […]

I’ve only been on this site for one day and I’ve already talked to so many wonderful helpful people who are great support systems to me and now I want to return the favor
If ANY Of you need help or just someone to talk to I’m here for you. And I’m available anytime.
Tumblr: I-love-what-you-hate.tumblr.com
Email: Rachel_dunk01@hotmail.com
And if you want to text me email or message me on tumblr for my number

Xoxo

Sorry, If my posts are annoying you… I’m not good enough to help anyone and I try to be….

cheer up!!! ^_^

I’m sorry if I mislead you, lead you on or gave any signals I didn’t mean to send. Truth is, I’m in love with someone who sure as hell isn’t you. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before… I’m a lesbo freak. I’m in love and it kills me everyday because I know I can never have her. I feel z lot of shit, pity for myself and empathy for you. I’m sorry I can’t ever love you, and I know what it’s like now, to have love thrown back in your face. I’m sorry I can’t be who I wish I could be… if […]

Breathe me- Sia

I dont know how or why im still alive. I have no use here. Im a stupid worthless piece of shit and noone cares. Im never good enough for anyone. NEVER! and i never will be. because ill always be who i am and i cant change that. but i can change whether im here or not. I dont understand how ive held on this long. Its crazy, all the crap i put up with. But then again, here i go being selfish. There are people who put up with alot more. i dont have it that bad, im just a whiny […]

today was shit, my seventh period geometry teacher is out to fucking get me. she makes me get in front of a class of 30 dumb ass ignorant teens everyday and make me do the problems and explain them as if im the teacher. i dont mind it too much but of course the kids are relentless and will make any joke they can and the fucking teacher, guess what she does? nothing! she lets them make fun of me on a every day basis. embarrassing is a understatement. but today my voice was shakey (idk the cause but i hadnt gotten any sleep last […]

Here I lay
On the floor.
Here I stay
Within a door.
Here I lie
In the silence.
Here I die
In the darkness.
Here I scream
My voice piercing.
Here I dream
My mind wandering.
Here I talk
Nothing to say.
Here I walk
Nowhere to go.
Here I call
None will listen.
Here I fall
None will hear.

I’ve been scared of adding more pain for so long. But I finally decided that I had to do something. So I tried cutting tonight.  Omg! I’m not happy, but I’m so much better… I could control this pain.  I can have something that I can control… I just idk…