I just find it funny how ull be talking to a friend and they’ll be like “u need to be more open to emotions” and I’m always like “I’m trying but I don’t think it’s a good idea to express my emotions that’s all” and u wanna know what they’re response was? “No I meant my emotions” and I have known that person for 3 years, always been there for them… And that’s what I get? And shortly afterwards I asked a personal question and u wanna know what they told me? “Man up.”
I’m just so done with my “friends”. I’m not even sure […]
I have had 15 or so surgeries, and everything hurts. My thoughts of suicide come daily. The only thing stopping me is the fact that my live in gf had a spouse that passed away before we started dating, and I hate the thought of her going through another death. I also, though I am not “religious” , I don,t want to end up in hell. Been looking into writings about this subject, and the bible says if someone commits suicide due to being in pain they can,t take any more, they will not be punished.
I am scheduled for another surgery in a few weeks, […]
I am 55, but at 21 I put a gun to my head and wondered why I shouldn’t pull the trigger.
After contemplating for about 5 minutes like this I became aware of the ridiculous and uncomfortable position I was in. I realised the motivation for suicide was strong but was not coming from within me. Having removed myself from most of the negative influences in my life just to get to that point, the motivation for suicide had left me. There was nothing in me that wanted to end my life. Others, it seemed, were wishing it on me.
I resolved that if I didn’t follow […]
In dire need of true inspiration
To breed on some form of stimulation
I’m not yet my best just a representation
Cause I’m utterly crawling in desperation
In need of direction not just a destination
Craving so deep all I seek inside
Not fully ready to take this stride
Yet no longer do I wish to hide
Losing more hope each time that I’ve tried
As the days go on it’s as if I’ve died
Negative thoughts growing so vile
As I take in pain with a laugh or a smile
It’s been so long, yeah it’s been awhile
Since I’ve had any strength to take on this mile
Just please don’t judge me cause I’m not on trial
Save thee, […]
I knew having my friends come home from school for winter break was going to be the thing that broke me. I got so used to having them home; to having them only be ten minutes down the road as opposed to hours. I got so used to the company, and I no longer felt alone. My best friend has only been gone five days but it feels like forever. I just feel so alone. I’m starting to get urges to cut again, which sucks because I’ve been clean for a little over a month now. I just wish I had my friends here….
I don’t know if i actually wanted it… Keep the path in mind. Keep it in mind, it happens because it must… Musent it?
people say I’m not, but I don’t care about how people feel after I kill myself?
When I’m not doing something I feel like I can’t keep up with my very own mind. It seems to have a will of its own. I can’t controll what it’s thinking, I can’t controll what it’s feeling. It’s like I’m sitting behind the wheel of a speeding car and I don’t even know how to drive.
There’s two things that seem to slow down or focus my mind, drugs and music (when combined I tend to become music).
There doesn’t seem to be anyone in the world that feels this way. All people are either in controll, or they’re not, I’m just in the […]
This fucking black cloud;i think comes from hell and stayes in my head for some days without even asking, is killing me slowly.As slowly and painfull as a snail walks.when this cloud is in my head, my day is over,all i can do is sit in my soffa and watch tv which makes the cloud bigger,But what else can i do?cannot socialise with no one in this mental state,i would punch their faces and beat the crap out of them.when the cloud visits me i change just like dr jeckyl and mr hide i dont know how to spell it,who cares.i hate everybody,every single person,every […]
Last night I had a dream. I was in a dark abandoned forest. Anyway let’s start from the beginning. In the dream it started out I was at my house. My friend who had recently passed away had invited me to go party with him so I did, I got wasted. We all played beerpong, smoked pot and, well just had fun. After a few hours at the party in my dream I had to get going so I left and took my car home. The only thing was the town had changed and morphed in such ways it is hard to describe. It was […]
I might download it, just want to know if it is good:
Set in the most depressing corner of a postapocalyptic future, our heroine Kantmiss Evershot (Maiara Walsh) volunteers to take her manipulative younger sister’s place in the seventy-fifth annual “Starving Games.” In doing so, she must leave behind her smoldering just-a-friend Dale (Brant Daugherty) and team up with the geeky baker’s son Peter Malarkey (Cody Allen Christian) in a fight for her life. But wait, there’s more! She could also win an old ham, a coupon for a foot-long sub at a six-inch price, […]
I think the most crushing force one can invite upon themselves is guilt and shame. It has driven many great, able men to their graves prematurely. Of which, I am not great or able. I am simply, stupid, and unworthy.
Sometime ago, I had become suicidal. Many days went by, and in order to hold on to the world that was crumbling around me, I made a desperate suicide attempt for attention. those days are long gone. I would never do anything like that again.
I did that, because I wanted the ones I still loved deeply to still be my friends. I had admitted to a […]
We are all just pawns in the play called Life ~
The pains of it cut’s the act like a Knife~
We will all end up husband or wife~
In this play called Life~
Act one is the child, banning out all drama~
When they get hurt they call to their momma~
Then at night they get cuddled up in their pajamas~
In this play called Life~
Act two is the love struck teen~
Pain in love is on the screen~
Envy fills their eyes, the color green~
In this play called Life~
Act three is the grown adult~
I believe they […]
Time for sleep
Lets rest our head
And look at the new cuts that bled
Time to sleep a certain way
So the burning goes away
The next day we wear our sleeves long
To hide the scars and cuts
When one gets touched you wince in pain
Hiding the fact it hurts
So no one acts worried
Later the one you love see’s the cuts..
They plead for you to stop
You promise to try
But with all the stress you break it
Then read the Cutters Lullaby
The cycle starts again
We are all running ourselves into the ground for a matter of nihility after death, breaking our backs in support of a system that is crumbling apart and feeding off of us like the sheep that we are. I can’t do it, I’ll suffocate. I need MY life at MY hand and in perspective, suicide is the only way I have control. I feel like a free energy barred in a disgusting body, being forced to walk the line that endlessly loops itself around the world in contempt, leaving no area untouched.
I do not have the proper guidance, I do not have the finances, I […]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pf-8aG6ND4c&sns=em
Romans 10:13
King James Version (KJV)
13Â For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
I feel so powerless against depression and loneliness,
tired out and hungry every morning when i wake up (couse im out of  appetite and not eating much).
Today  i cuted myself again (i was ok with it for almost half-year)
The only reason that i have, is that ive go to work at monday again – isnt that funny?
I have so much need for someone close as girlfriend (i never had one) but im too destroyed
i would like just have someone to hug and talk, i would need to study, excercise etc. but i cant.
thinking about overdosing … i feel so POWERLESS
So..I had a good day today. I actually smiled and felt alright.
Now im alone in my room and its all tumbling down. Horrible thoughts abuse my brain. I just wana sleep and not wake up. This life brings me no peace. I have nothing left.
I barely even have anything to say..
Many of you guys have heard about this guy… Â There was a book and movie written about him… Â “Into the Wild”:
Christopher Johnson McCandless was an American hiker who adopted the alias Alexander Supertramp and ventured into the Alaskan wilderness in April 1992 with little food and equipment, hoping to live simply for a time in solitude. Wikipedia
I admire this guy for who he was and for his ideals and adventurous spirit and relate to the guy. Â If you haven’t heard of him, see the movie. Â There are some lessons to be learned about self isolation and other things.
He basically starved to death out there, supposedly […]
I was found 15 minutes later.
The whole story I want to tell you:
Two weeks ago I flew to Prague to meet a girl I had found on here to commit suicide together. I had 26g of ******** powder (Pentobarbital sodium) with me and a bottle of Metoclopramide. This was definitiely to be my last days, so I booked one of the best hotels in town for two nights.
The first night we got totally drunk, I took some MDMA crystals. The second night she was still hesitant and I decided to take the ******** on my own. I remember sitting in the room and crying, I […]