i havent posted in about three years and its absolutely crazy how much has changed. i was a deeply depressed little girl but now im a mildy depressed teenager! great.  Its weird how i can be the happiest ball of fucking light and next wanting to jump in front of a 16 wheeler. I have no friends that i have actual connections with. but hey not complaining cause i love being with myself. and another odd thing about myself which i still cant figure out is the fact that im vain as hell but loathe myself at the same damn time? I think im the […]

All I want is to find someone. Someone who really understands me, not someone who says they understand but really don’t give a shit. I want to find someone that I can tell everything to, someone that’s been through the Same things as me. But I know for dam sure that won’t happen anytime.

I cut myself twice today and the addiction starts.

hello everyone.

i have decided that my time has come.

soon i will be ending my life.

maybe this coming up week, or this coming up month. i’m not sure. but it will be soon.

i was thinking about my last words to my family. the last song i will listen to. the last food i eat.

i was thinking about my suicide letter and the way i am going to kill myself.

i am 99% sure i am going to do this soon.

i can’t stand life. i can’t be here anymore. there’s no possible way i will make it.

i’m worthless.

I was friends with a girl that was suicidal, but said she loved me. The cause for suicidal thoughts were… the fact that I am also a girl and people in small towns don’t accept lesbians very well, especially her own family. And although I accepted her and cared a lot for her, I am straight.  She was teetering back and forth between wanting life and wanting death, and she cut herself because of the pain. I asked her a question that I thought could fix the problem at the time because I had so many answers, I asked her; Do you have any goals in […]

i’m drunk as shit right  now, otherwise i wouldn’t be posting this. i want to end it all so bad but i can not because i don’t want to hurt my family and friends. first post to this site, feel free to comment whatever you like. i really want some help but don’t actually believe any of it exists  for me. sorry for the incoherent babble. if i was brave enough to post sober i would have.

I’ve always been what kids at school call a “loner”. (And I never had a problem with it until people started acting like it was something to be ashamed of. I actually enjoyed my solitude before that because that was just me…..anyways this isn’t a post to talk about why I hate being a “loner”(still hate the way people say it lol), I’m just trying to understand something. I’m 17 years old and I’m currently in my junior year of high school. So here’s the thing; I’ve spent all my years of school being this lonely guy who didn’t really interact much with all the […]

I hurt. It’s not the sharp pains of catching myself with a razor nor the slow build of a burn. It’s not the fiery swell of choking down rum nor the tenderness of bruises re-darkened diligently. It’s more like a dull ache, a throbbing in my chest that seems to squeeze my heart until it’s up in my throat and I can barely breathe. My wrists start itching and my feet begin to heat up, both begging to be used to gain some sort of release.

When the throbbing’s not there, I feel numb. I’m lacking in motivation. Things I used to love make me feel […]

Lately I’ve been getting a lot closer to suicide than I have been in a while. I’m between the three methods that I have access to: hanging, slitting my wrists, and ODing. The thing is, I don’t know if any of these methods have a very high chance of succeeding. But they are the only methods available to me. I don’t know what to do.

I was 3 months clean from cutting, until today.it’s the worst I’ve done too. I’m ashamed I gave in I thought I was better. I haven’t had my suicide thoughts in awhile except today I found myself looking for the bag of pills I hid in my room. I have no friends to talk to, I haven’t got a text in months. And talking to my parents just stresses them out and they just make me go to the hospital. I don’t know what to do I need a friend, I need support. Anyone? Please.

Ugh, seriously, fuck everyone. After years of not talking to anyone, I finally get to meet my old friends, and they treat me like shit. Fuck them, fuck you. You would probably treat me the same if you met me. Everyone is the same, why can’t everyone be nice like in those fairy tales? Well whatever, I don’t care. I won’t have to worry about that when I’m dead. I’m giving pill overdose another shot, hopefully it actually works this time. Goodbye, I’m dying.

It never goes away completely. Eventually if my mind is quiet it will grab a hold of me & weight me down. I’m tired of smiling. I’m tired of fighting. I just want peace. I feel so dumb bc I can’t seem to understand DBT. What is wrong with me? I yell too much……I believe they are better off without me. They will become stronger. I was never meant to be.

On some days I wished I never starting self-harming, but on other days I wished I never stopped

I try to keep my mind off of the suicidal demons trying to consume me. It’s a bit hard when nothing is going good.

I’ve not been myself lately. I don’t even know who I am anymore, as cliché as that sounds.

I plan on moving out to Florida after high school. My friend has a condo in Orlando, I’d move anywhere to get out of this shithole city.

You know, no matter how shitty and depressed I feel, I always put others before me. I wish more people would do the same, some are incredibly selfish, it’s disgusting.

I find it hard to see myself in the future. I have […]

I’ve been grappling for weeks. This isn’t my first time down this path, I’m a pro at weathering them (but for an attempt in my early 20s when I didn’t know better).  Right now I’m losing the battle.  I’ve decided to concede, if nothing else for the peace it instantly brings me.  But two things are really pissing me off about this right now.

1.  Someone cares, pick up the phone, call them, they’re all going to be so devastated when you go, blah blah blah.  Screw that. They all know.  They know I’m a mess.  Granted they’re not mind-readers, they don’t know that I’ve crossed […]

I get tired of hearing that things will get better, just give it time, etc. Maybe they will get better or maybe they won’t, none of us can tell the future, but what about the time in-between? What about barely getting through the days and the nights, constantly hurting and wanting to die?  What if you just can’t take that anymore? I have waited and waited and waited and nothing has gotten better. Just when I think that it will get better for once, it all gets taken away.

I can barely get through everyday. I am constantly on the verge of tears. I cannot take this pain […]

Hey people. It’s been a little while again, hasn’t. Maybe two weeks maybe less. And here I am again. Not to worry, I gave my word on not giving up and fighting these grey days till the bitter end, andd I’m still doing it. I maybe flawed in many ways but that promise is something I don’t want to break. So why am I here then? Well I wanted to ask about a few things and give a little update on myself. Maybe it’ll make someone’s day better knowing I’m still kicking.

So over the past two weeks, a couple of things have happened. To […]

I sit here thinking.. why couldn’t it have all been fine. It all started when i was around the age of 7. Mom got arrested. Dad wanted nothing to do with me. I felt lost, abandoned, unwanted, helpless, worthless, even forgotten. I didn’t know what to think or what was going on. Theres times now where i still feel lost, unwanted, and forgotten. Forgotten by the world, like no one ever even knew I existed. I go to school, just to get bullied on a daily basis. I sit and wonder what I did to deserve this, why is this even happening. Am I really […]

well this is the first time I’ve ever wrote on a site like this.im just trying it out to see if it helps me to deal with my problems as there’s no one I can talk to about it.”I fell like all my male friends think it’s “gay” to show emotions “don’t get me wrong there’s noting wrong with being gay” So a little bit about me, im a 16 year old male I’m into lots of stuff like music and art but not sport (wierd I no ) and I was diagnosed with depression just over a year ago. I find it hard to […]

ok, obasically was taking into fostercare at the age of 11 bcause mum want me and my dad niglected me, mentaly and physically.I was also living with my grandparents from the age of 5  months because my mum left me in the house on my own at 2 months old. I was also passed around all off her different boyfriend so that they could basically sexually abuse me.

when i went into foster care things were up and down for the 8 years. i argued with my foster carer more or less everday and ended up feeling like crap. the crap feeling then turned into anger […]