ok so im gonna start writing posts everyday to keep track of things…..so heres day 1

january 20th, 2014

Today has been ok overall. Im just exhausted. Physically…emotionally and mentally. I am honestly drained. I dont know what to do anymore. i have so  much goin on but noone seems to care. So much goes on through my mind that i cant sort through it. im sick of my brothers bullshit. He needs to get off his ass and actually do something i am tired of supporting his ass. Im tired of being the one that holds everything together. Im so fed up ugh.

Days since suicidal thoughts: […]

To feel as if you want to just jump off a bridge to stop the silent hurt that is slowly coming, you can’t see it, you can’t stop it, all you can do is feel the agony it brings to you, the hurt and pain it puts you through, to think but not know your thoughts, like they are masked, to not even know they are there till it’s almost too late. To not know if your suicidal, you don’t think you would ever want to make yourself not live, just sometimes, once in like a month you feel if you could just disappear […]

Hi, my name is Dallas, nice to meet you.

I’ve got a secret to tell you, but first, you must hear my story

I am 15 years young. “I’m fine” is my favorite thing to say. I bet you’re a bit like me. I’ve dealt with depression, anxiety, insomnia, and minor PTSD. They’ve treated me like a lab rat. I’ve been on almost every psych medicine you could possibly think of. I’ve been hospitalized 20+ times in the past two and a half years, because people freak out. I’ve been to 2 residential placements, Valle Vista and Allendale. Have you heard of them? […]

7 yrs ago I took a drug called Cipro and it caused toxic damage to my muscles and nerves.  I’m in horrible pain every nite.  My hands hurt as I type this.  It is so hard to hang on.  I don’t want to leave my family and friends…..life is pain.

For the most part in my life I new I was always the problem. But to have it confirm by someone I love. Its the most painful thing to hear. To know you aren’t wanted by no one. Maybe im not meant to be on this plant or any plant to be exact or maybe im here to take the blame for everyone. Im not good at anything it kinda sucks I fail at my medical assistance test I lost my first job because people didn’t like me, I get bitched at everyday for no reason what so ever. But I the reason my parents fight […]

Something akin to a smoker with no cigarettes

a junky with no junk

My soul is unsatiated, a hollow heart for a friend.

This pain is ongoing, unending, unyielding, unceasing

Carving away at an already empty vessel.

If this body could lie down and never awake

If this soul could fly up and out and on

Into the darkness

The vast darkness.

There is comfort in an enveloping never ending darkness

A place with no pain.

I am currently struggling with self harm and being on the internet a lot, i constantly see pictures of scars and wounds from self injury.

I was just wondering whether to other people self harming or in recovery, these pictures trigger you and make you want to self injure, or they put you off it and make you feel bad for ever using it as a coping mechanism?

Sorry if you don’t understand, my thoughts can get confusing.

ME OPS????fed up with refelctional frens(acts like ur therpist of sleeps ell except u to set u  up with someobodi compley wrong for u)/karoolivigians(wutevre it is u like coming to suemthing …)… I JUST WISH I EXISTED IN SUMBD,IS HEART….

So ive been wondering what would you class as the worst regret of your life? Screwing up suicide attempt or being born does not count.

All the sweeties that is part of our little online world can we just agree to disagree please lets just get to help people and being lovey – dovey friendly this agruement is really sickening

truth is
i don’t want you to go
i want you to be there
i want you to hug me
i want you to hold me
i want you to tell me it’s okay
to tell me ill be okay
but i can’t let you do those things
you have more important things
you have to live your life
ill be lonely, yes
ill be broken, yes
ill be sad, yes
ill be torn apart, yes
but youll be happy

Hi Guys,

Not a lot happened to me today…. I seriously woke up, ate food, and drove in the car for 4 hours, and then got home. I had fun this weekend, yes, but I was in, and still am, in a dip of depression….

Not much to say about the day… Sorry…

Here’s TWO poems:

being cold
being numb
not feeling pain
not feeling anything

not being fixed
not being broken
not being anything
being everything

numb
being numb
sitting there in the cold
taking the last breath ill take in my life

Next Poem:

let it go
let me go
i know its hard
but you need to
because […]

Maybe people here are not Xtian, nor of any religious persuasion. I thought one of the ground rules was ‘no preaching the gospel’.

Since my ‘time’ has finally come, its only suitable that I contribute something back to this site after reading however many posts over the past few months. Months, that’s quite a long time from my perspective, when I don’t even remember what happened a few days ago (I’m sure it was the same nothingness that every day of my life is). In an attempt to not make this dwell on for too long I’ll try and cut it short…it is the internet after all:

TL;DR: Dead now, shotgun-to-backOfThroat

As far as my childhood goes, I had a few friends here and there, got upset relatively often (like […]

ans1:  ittiam( i think, that’s why i am)

ans2: does it matter to know the truth for a brain which having peaceful life in a vat

ans3:  Either I am a BIV or I am not a BIV

if (BIV) -> the statement ” i am BIV”  is false  (  for a BIV, B&V are virtual though it think they are real;;; think as third person i.e. we observing a BIV and it saying ” i am BIV” is funny because it don’t know what is real B&V )

if( not BIV) -> the statement ” I am BIV” is false ( i.e “cat thinking i am a dog” […]

I’m a 24 year old guy who has never experienced true friendship before.

I’ve had people in the past who pretended to like me for who I am, but they would never call me to ask how I was doing or if I wanted to hang out somewhere. I use to be a nicer person in the past, but that never mattered in the slightest to the people around me. People will often lie and use you for there own personal gain. That’s how I feel about the few people I’ve known in the past. It seem like the longer I live, the more angry and […]

I feel most secure when Im reading all these interesting, similar thoughts. I’m not sure if I can help anyone else, because as much as a person can try,  everyone has different problems, but if anyone wants to talk to someone who won’t pass judgment, email bubbalamb@hotmail.com

I hate my life.  I hate the world that I live in.  I can’t connect with with anyone or anything. I feel so alone,  in my own bubble.  I need help. But no one can penetrate that bubble to help me. However hard they try. And some of them try quite hard,  believe me. But they still can’t fully understand me. Can’t understand why I need this life to end. Nothing in this world matters to me anymore. Except moving on onto some place new,  where I can start afresh and live a different life. I can’t do that in this world.

I’ve planned it all […]