It all began at a bar I worked at in 2009. It was NYE and I met a girl there who asked me to be her New Years kiss. She was extremely attractive, I noticed her the moment she walked in and was waiting for a good moment to talk to her. Eventually I did and we kissed over New Years and I got her number to take her out on a date the next time we met. Over the next 5-6 months we went out and had amazing sex. Here’s the kicker, the bar I was working at happen to be a gay bar, […]
Is to die for someone else.
I considered writing up some detailed small novel of my story, but it doesn’t matter. What matters is that I’m sad, just like everyone else. I’m broken, but not because something broke me, more like I never functioned properly to begin with. I can’t play “the game” like everyone else can, I always lose. So it was and so it shall be, I’ve lost every hand I played up to this point and I can expect to continue to lose or fold every new one for as long as I breathe.
I wish I could die for someone else. Can you […]
My first plan to get help involves cuttin my arm really really badly and somehow getting to an ER, where they place me on a 72 hr hold and call my parents. Opinion anyone?
“If we refuse assent to reality: if we rebel against the nature of things and choose to think that what we at the moment want is the centre of the universe to which everything else ought to accommodate itself, the first effect on us will be that the whole universe will seem to be filled with an inexplicable hostility. We shall begin to feel that everything has a down on us, and that, being so badly treated, we have a just grievance against things in general. That is the knowledge of good and evil and the fall into illusion. If we cherish and fondle that […]
What are the effects of overdosing on sleeping pills? I know it’s stupid but I can’t help but wonder. Even though I think of committing suicide I’m scared of actually doing it. Same goes for cutting – though I actually do cut but my head clears once I have the blade in my hand making cutting more difficult.
My depression causes me to cry without any sounds of crying. I’m empty… Restless… Forgotten… Shaking… Goodbye?
I play with scissors.
I play with them.
Just the blade part.
Skimming my skin.
Hoping that maybe I’ll accidentally cut myself.
That I won’t have to do it.
Because I am such a fool.
Such a pathetic person.
That I can’t hurt myself.
I play with scissors.
Pain is a funny thing.
Some people love it.
Some people hate it.
I have no opinion on it.
Pain is a weird thing.
Some people crave it.
Some people don’t want it.
I have no opinion on it.
Pain is an unusual thing.
Some people invite it with open arms.
Some people yell at it to go away.
I have no opinion on it.
Pain is a beautiful, but ugly thing.
Some people love it; love the feeling.
Some people hate it; hate the feeling.
I. I have an opinion. That I cannot share.
I get so angry over the littlest things. Tonight my mom accidentally threw my straw away so I went off. I was so scared of physically hurting myself or herself that I told her to call the cops on me. I didn’t know what to do. She said she wouldn’t call and that just made me angrier. I feel guilty after doing this, but no one can understand that I want help. Every time I reach out for help I’m turned away.
My feelings are kind of idle
I’m not feeling much , but rather feel nothing than sadness.
I saw my boyfriend(not so boyfriend) today
he made love to me.
the feeling of having someone who means so much to you , to caress you. hold you
the impact it has on me, is outstanding
and i’m scared about that, he doesn’t know how much he means to me , my life.
He left afterwards , and its like the sunlight dimmed.
All my life I’ve known I wasn’t wanted by anyone. I’ve been told by plenty, even the one’s that are programed to love you no matter what. The first time I thought of dying was when my mother told me that I was worthless to her that she didn’t want me. It hurt so much that someone I loved could hurt me in a mental way, I told myself that I didn’t ever want to hear those word again so I tried my best little girl anyone could be. It didn’t work. So I just would just stayed quite and stop loving everyone. As I grew up we moved allot to the […]
I’ve lost it again… That happiness that made me feel all bubbly again. Unfortunately my depression disorder gets the best of me in the end. Fuck… I don’t choose to be like this. It just happens. I don’t try to make myself have anxiety attacks everyday. I don’t try to shake. I know I ignore people but that’s only because I don’t want to hurt them with myself. I’m just unreasonably depressed once again. Any suggestions on how to stop the disorder???
Strangers! . My arm is tattered, torn to shreds.
Failed for one last attempt, so I punished me.
74.
I stopped at seventy four, apparently .
I counted after.
Seventy four wounds, on my arm.
Seventy four little trickles rolling down my arm.
And i’m still fucking here. The people I live with, the ones I used to call family. Are nothing more than careless strangers. This isn’t the first time I’ve worn nothing but jackets and long sleeve’s for days straight, they know, but they don’t care. I’m their disposable MULE. Nothing more than a slave. These people, who I used to hug, and tell them I love them more than […]
I have good reasons.
I was physically and sexually abused growing up. I finally said something at age 14 took the guy to court and with 12 other convictions he got away with it. My grandmother disowned me. It was her husband. Last year I attempted suicide after my husband decided he didn’t want me anymore. Apparently 60 ambien 120 xanax and 20 sleeping pills OTC are not enough. Got sent to the Looney bin for 3 days. Oh what a joy. He still didn’t want me. I got sent to live with my mother who’s schizophrenic and my father who is bipolar. 3months of mental […]
So i have devised a couple of plans, but never gone through with them. However this one occasion I did it on the spur of the moment. I had already got the worst possible results I could have imagined and as soon as I told my dad who had spent a fair amount on my education I knew how disappointed he was. He took me to the army office and decided that I should enroll. I still tried to keep myself together even though I could feel myself crumbling inside already having broken down once in front of my tutor that day. I couldn’t figure […]
Hello Guys,
It’s day three for this. I don’t know why I keep doing this… Maybe its because I need to write my feelings down somewhere. I haven’t been okay or good. I’ve been stressed, tired, and depressed. Sometimes I just want a hug, but none of my friends know about me being depressed. Except for one, but I’ve never met them. I talk to them. I text them. Facebook message them. But I have never met them. And I can’t ask them for a hug, because if I would I know I would feel guilty. I would feel selfish. I would feel like a burden. […]
I think it’s quite sad that I have resorted to posting on a website like this.
It’s hard to put into words. I don’t know why I keep doing what I do. I wish I was normal. I wish I didn’t have the urge to cut myself everytime I get upset. I feel pathetic. Everytime I do it. I wish I could be normal. All this is so exhausting.
It’s exhausting pretending everyday that I’m okay. That I’m that perfect student, perfect daughter, perfect friend. It’s mentally exhausting.
My brother comes home from the Marines today. I really want to tell him my secret. I’m very afraid he’ll […]
To be fair, to sum it all up I am simply just a lonely teenager who is loved by none, has many things wrong with her mental stability, obsesses with too many bands and unreal things, is addicted to self harm, has attempted suicide that many times I can no longer count them all on my fingers, drinks way too much coffee and alcohol, and reads too many band fanfictions.
And all I can do when I read that over is stare blankly at the laptop screen.
They say suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem, but sometimes that problem isn’t so temporary.
well. imma try my best to help you as much as i can and i hope im able to get through to you.
So.. i used to in your shoes. its either not eating trying to kill yourself or cutting. and i did all 3. there might be more but im not aware of them really. anyways . you are most likely not wanting to live an the moment right now. and i completely understand. but tell your self everyday that you are beautiful and special and perfect in someones eyes. write your self notes in the bath room or on […]