When I talk about my feelings to him.. I feel like he’s going to leave me I know I’m just being parinoid but still it’s on my mind when he asks me how I am and I feel bad if I lie but I feel even worse when I tell the truth. My thoughts are starting to get really bad again an I’m not even going to try and stop them hopefully ill be done soon and won’t burden anymore people

Recently I got out of the hospital. They prescribed me a myriad of pills from an ssri to a metabolite anti-psychotic. I can’t think straight. I can hardly gather my thoughts. I feel so out of order; I feel like I am going to snap. Some of it could be sleep deprivation, but at the same time I just feel so out of control. Feels like my thoughts race everywhere except a logical point. I recently saw my dying grand father, and I found I felt almost nothing. I had no pity looking over an emaciated man’s body who will just die in days.

I feel […]

I’ve said many times on here that I would NEVER have children….but I know if I did I would be the perfect parent….how do I know this you ask? because I would only have one rule….what kid or teenager wouldn’t love to live in a home with only one rule?…..and that sole rule would be….”if it doesn’t hurt anybody else its okay”….meaning if you do something to yourself…okay fine you only hurt yourself…but if you  aren’t doing anything to hurt anybody else then its allowed….that would be the only rule in my household because it encompasses everything that is good there is no possible way […]

I was having a good day until my husband called freaking out about the bank account.  I take care of the finances and try to involve him, but he always balks.  When he came home I showed him everything including a detailed analysis from mint.  From there it went into him saying I need to get a full time job.  I lost my good marketing job in 2009.  After 4 years of searching I found a part-time hourly job at a crappy little place.  He keeps saying “I know you can do better.”  I try to explain the anxiety and depression that run through me […]

It is becoming apparent that mentally ill people do not end well and the same will probably happen to me. Meaning they die an unjust, untimely, and painful death. At least that’s what happened to people around me.

But is there such thing as a ‘good’ end? Please read on.

Story number one. Yesterday I learned that Aunt Sally’s brother, who is schizophrenic died in a Christian nursing home. Cause of death was heart attack. Here’s the flipside: the man had diabetes and hypertension. And yet the nursing home was feeding him (and other patients, they later found out) with overdose of antipsychotics. This is practically […]

Just a poll

Who here is jobless/unemployed and have been for how long?
Was it a voluntary decision or due to involuntary circumstances?

It seems that whatever my mental problem is hindering me from sustaining a job. For the record, the longest job I held was nine months, until I was fired.

I can take orders and can rationale with reprimands. What I do NOT condone is ridicule and oppression. Office politics brings out the ugliness in people, what one would do to another human being just to advance in the corporate ladder.

Whatever it is, I have now been labelled a job-hopper by agencies and probably unemployable.

Who here is thinking on trying again or commiting this weekend?

I have been told that writing your problems can be good for you and hearing about other’s problems can make one not feel so alone.
I have been depressed off and on for the better part of 12 years. And ( of course) with the depression comes thoughts of suicide. Life will be ok for a little while then sneak up behind me, shred, burn, and scatter my happiness to the four winds leaving me staring in bewilderment .
At the beginning of my depression I used to write suicide notes and poems until one day a teacher found one of my poems. CPS was […]

When I was five and fell off my bike, where were you?

When I was seven and had a bad dream, where were you?

When I was twelve and girls were mean, where were you?

Well i’m fifteen now and i’m dying.

Where are you?

I just ate a tiny bit and I feel so gross I need to throw up then exercise…i feel so fucking gross

Married but completely alone.  I have nothing. I am so far away from my family and best friends. It’s hard to just end it when you have a kid, but I have thought about running away. No matter what I choose that would bring an end to my pain, people are going to view me as “selfish”. I hate these stupid societal rules about monogamy. If a marriage has gone down the shitter, and one party won’t even try then what is the point? Divorce is not so easy…I’m a fast learner but I have not worked in years. Who will hire me? Can I […]

I’m not sure this will work. Perhaps, it is an idea of mine of which is rediculous. But worth a shot, right?
I was on the phone one day talking to a friend, and the question was asked, How do you love yourself? That is a question, I imagine a lot of people may have. I thought about it and an idea came to me. I then presented my friend with this suggestion.
1. Take out a pen or pencel or any other writing tool. A computer doesn’t count as you will need to do this by hand.
2. Take out a piece of paper […]

MY mind is so hauntingly terrible at night, nightmares of death and chaos, I’m too afraid to sleep because my mind attacks me and I wake up every night brought almost to tears by the death I see every night, mostly my own of course but sometimes of others of whom I don’t know. I would rather die the deaths in my nightmares than see them anymore, they’re already killing me.

Perfumepipes,

Some people just like to eat and run…know whut uh mean?

Wow! So many friends abused as children, strung out on drugs, rapes, tortured…20 years prison time….no excuses! But If you have way too much money, never suffered or paid for anything a day in your life THIS is a defece for DWI, drug abuse and Murder, poor little boy! Lets give him probation up front and give the Public some in the arse!

If this does not show you that the American Dream is truly a BS lie (Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain!), nothing will. One can hardly hope karma catches up with this little spoiled SOB at a $500.000 a year […]

So this guy ate me out and wont call me back

consciousness is a stirrer

More you stir more it stinks

How could somebody not love my little face with small eyes

oh my god I already look like a stripper

Does “suicide” really have to be a negitive and sad thing?  To release one’s pain once and for all despite not being able to enjoy the pleasures of life should be something people should be able to agree and accept.  At least eventually…  Learn to realize to let go of the hardships of life can be a positive, accepting decision.  To be able to move on for the good of yourself and everybody.  Maybe it’s “we” as humanity force ourself’s to believe in suicide as bad, evil, wrong, disgraceful, and the “easy way out.”