but im getting there im still kind of awkward I sometimes only sometimes though ill talk too fast and my sentence will sound like one big word but at least I almost weigh 160 and I talk to cute guys now and I have over 10 likes on my facebook picture I wear uggs and I have a coach bag I do have a piercing I go to thje mall I wear namebrand makeup Im not that weird, I just feel weird sometimes but I try not to show it

My biggest regret might be NOT throwing myself over the cliff of the mountain (real mountain) when I had the chance.

Why didn’t I throw myself off the cliff that day when I had the chance? When I could have made it look like a normal skiing accident? The only reason was because I thought I had finally found someone that loved and cared for me as I did him. I remember looking over the cliff with my skis on my feet and contemplating suicide after my group mates had all skied by. I listed all the reasons why I should kill myself, an opportunity like […]

I feel stupid writing this. I feel as if though all my problems are just exaggerated and foolish, and Im sorry if I come off as ignorant or stupid to you. I kind of am anyways. I dont know. Im sorry. Im writing this while sitting in the living room at my moms house. Im on my laptop listening to FFDP and Red, trying to ward out my moms weird stories and complaints of her day. Im tired. I drank a lot of monster today though, which would account for the crash Im going through right now, i guess. Though my hearts going about 1000 […]

so this cute guy just messeegd me on facebook and I talked to much and don’t know what to say now im having an anxiety attack and he keeps messegeing me his last messege was ‘???????’ im just like fuck don’t messege  me anymore

I stare unto the line between
The earth and sun’s effulgent gleam
light teeters through the curve of space
cascading to the floor with grace
vibrant tails and tongues of breath
lap up the stains of ancient death
whose darkness in the woods recede
as dawn begins to slowly bleed
O God, the chime of aubades cry
and sear the clouds and burnished skies
their luster thrown upon the ground
in waves congruous with morning’s sound

And thus a day is born anew
but still I am in love with you
O pity angel from above
whose wings beat softly, like a dove’s
O make birds […]

“Throw down your umbilical noose so I can climb right back.”

I adore clever quotes and interesting turns of phrase.

“I’m sure a star would love Shakespear.” -SB

Come on peoples! Vomit some at me.

has anyone heard the song rooftops by lostprophets everytime I hear it I think about this site and everyone on it and if you haven’t heard it it’s really worth the listen the sound is good but its the lyrics that get my attention

This was really hard to do on my phone, but I just wanted to tell you guys a little about me. Um, I started self-harming when I was in middle school, when I met my first “serious” boyfriends. His arms were covered in scars, and at that age, I was so impressionable. I started out with paper clips and safety pins on my left wrist, not doing much else. When I figured out I could break apart pencil sharpeners, I did that, on my upper left shoulder. As I transitioned into high school, things got a little worse, but it’s been in the last two […]

How do you get through holiday when you are all alone, and yes I mean all alone, my son is with his father for christmas and im here by myself i have no other family i am just so tired of hurting and crying the pain is so great sometimes i scream how can i make it stop.

It hurt.

I expected it to hurt, but not this much.

Now I’m not trying to paint a picture of a soppy story of a teenager’s life that gets too much for her to handle. I don’t want your pity or anything from you, I just really need to get this out of my head and off of my chest.

I’ve attempted to commit suicide. Now I want to get this straight I absolutely hate suicide. I might even go to the lengths of saying that I “loath” it. It is a cowardly way to escape your problems, but I do understand why people do it. I […]

Was smoking with a friend some time ago when I met this girl who sort of barged in… Turned out she was my friends new friend, doing some thesis on some post modern filmography. Well, we were ll stoned, one thing led to another and she was showing me her poem, saying “if you like Silvia Plath, you’ll love this”. i kept trying to tell her that I like Plath’s book, and I’ve only read a couple of her poems. “read”. But she shoved her ipad into face anyway and I thought what the fuck, lets see what we got here. I thought it was the […]

Today…. I had a thought. A very interesting thought…. I was astonished at how long I never put it together before but its all fogged up by bullshit. So…you can’t really see whats going on….

On this site…if you stick around long enough…you’ll see religious debates recurring frequently….and you’ll listen to people argue back and forth about whichever is right. The main battle being “Christians VS Atheist”. I listen to both sides and I realize both sides are right but wrong at the same time. Like why can’t evolution and the BBT be true and you just say “God” put it in motion?…

Religion fogs up the […]

I have always been an independent person when it came to my emotional well being. Lately though I am feeling more and more like I need someone. It’s not going to happen though. I’m so depressed who the fuck would wanna be around my ass. Somethings gotta give. I hope it’s not my will.

My mom doesn’t trust me, and I’m pretty sure she hates me too, I’ve told her lie upon lie. Why should she even trust me when I’m the way I am? My dad doesn’t know what’s going on, I hardly ever see him so I don’t think he’d understand me and I don’t think I’d understand him much either, but at least he’s a comfort because he does trust me and does love me. My step dad doesn’t speak to me much, once in a while giving me the “evil glare” after mom has told him something about me. My step mom is always supportive, […]

I was reading an old notebook today and stumbled across a short poem. My friend had written it in there over a year ago. It made me think of her and how she departed the world.

Morphine, you flooded my brain
a temporary relief from mental pain.
I took you doses so stupid high
in the hopes I would never again open my eyes.
Unfortunately hours later I awake
in horror my death was but a fake.
The obvious next step would to seem
to double my dose of Morphine.

Scorpios and Pisces have the ability to love anybody

Every time I read articles about steve jobs, his greatness, set of things a human can do in 5o years, changing the way people live, be the part of history creation

I immediately ask question ” does a normal human life worth living?”

“If steve jobs can do these many things in a life, why can every human?”

“Are all “daily job doers” useless meat bags waiting to finish their term of 80 years?”

Is it wrong to consider ” slaves”, “labors”, “employees”  are useless human species?

Why should not I compare myself with steve jobs?

I am scared that I am not in control of my drinking anymore. It seems no matter how much resolve I have to quit, I end up doing it. It is contributing greatly to my desire to commit suicide and also causes situations which further make me hate myself. I love the release of drinking though, I am usually very anxious. Any advice? thank you

It makes me sad to see you, because I know that look.  It’s the look you have when you are hopeless, but still have to keep walking around day-to-day, anyway.  It’s one I’ve seen on my face too many times.  I’m sorry, bro.  I know I can’t really do anything to make it better.  I’m not going to insult you by simply saying “it will be okay”.

It’s strange to say that I find the thought of suicide, and this website, comforting.  Though I am not really considering it anymore (at least until I am much older), it’s just kind of…. nice to know that if […]