https://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/04-Three-Evils-Embodied-in-Love-and-Shadow.wmaIn the absence of love
We find the comfort of solitude
Relief, in our mind’s eye
Would be, to just die
Cold
Alone
Without hope
As you stare at the length of rope
Waiting to deliver you from sadness
You succumb to this madness
You bid farewell, because my dear
You could never tell
The reason for all your tears
As I wonder
When will we meet again
Peace falls over me
This sweet, sweet reverie
The absence of love
Now a distant memory
And now I know, the secret to hope
Is to realize
That no matter how hard you fight
You can’t […]

Hmm so I’m a little confused how to work this site now after two years I don’t even know if you’ll find this post. Cause I can’t post on the other feed to tell you to come here. This was the comment that was stuck in moderation-

“Holy hell. Yeah I remember you Duke! Long time. Well around the time I left those two years ago, my tank was confiscated from me by a housemate at the time who found the hood, tank and tubing. Sucks, to say the least. I did actually break into his car to get it, but I was worried he let […]

Life can’t go on forever.  It feels like it will.  It feels like this thing we’re all caught up in will never stop.

But it has to.

There was a start day and there has to be a finish day.  I always imagine my finish day.  My last day on this wrecked planet.  And every day from Start Day till Final Day is a step.  Just a step closer.

No, we will not live like this forever.

Thank god.

http://www.azcentral.com/community/scottsdale/articles/20130715states-first-ketamine-clinic-opens-in-scottsdale-for-chronic-depression.html?nclick_check=1

Inurance will probably not pay but can’t hurt to ask. If you can’t get it approved keep the denial letter. If you do off yourself let your family know you tried this but your insurance wouldn’t pay and along with the denial they may be able to sue.

im sat here, having a very fucking long panic attack.

need to occupy myself, so thats why i am here…

someone keep me company?

naomirogers1996@yahoo.co.uk

It’s odd how, being so close to the end, I’m now reflecting back on my life….. Forgiving those who’ve hurt me…… I never noticed until now, just how many people I’ve touched in my life, how many people I have inspired….. How many people do care about me…… Yet, I’m still totally alone and in the dark… I mean yeah, they care, but they’ll never understand me, or why I have to do what I have to do…. There is no way I could ever explain this to them in a way they would understand….. There was a time, when even certain people in my […]

I hate the night before my next therapy session.

Talking never helps, nor meds, ECT, numerous trips the last 3 years in and out of psychiatric hospitals. My background into depression started almost normally (trauma in life that set off a spiral). How that spiral has turned into the last 3 years I will never know.

Over 22 months of the last 36 in hospital, 6 suicide attempts (3 I really should have died but was saved), self harm, anorexia, bulimia, alcoholism and the last 6 months homelessness. Out of my last hospital visit 2 months ago and have been almost continually drunk every night just to […]

Some people mourn by sobbing for hours. That’s okay.
Some people mourn by sitting silently. That’s okay too.
Some people mourn by reflecting on the soul that is now departed.
Or thinking about all the happy memories.
Those are completely okay.

I mourn by not really mourning at all. I have to keep moving, I have to keep my life relatively normal. I distract myself by going to movies and out to lunch with friends. I go shopping, I post happy tweets, I carry on like nothing even happened. On the outside, I suppose it seems I’m not even sad, but that’s not true at all. […]

Been suffering from depression since I was 6 years old, 33 now.  Enough is enough.  Can’t take it anymore.  I can see life being worth while if you have shit loads of money (freedom) and good looks, but my birth lottery results dictated that will never be.

Seen more shrinks and therapist than I care to remember. Certain that I have reduced cognitive ability after all the drugs and ECT. Just want to turn the switch off and get the hell of this festering rock. I was never asked if I wanted to be here.  Life is not precious, as there are billions of us warts.  […]

Well I have been observing this site (daily during my periods of depression) for 2 years now but have never posted anything, until now.

Now, I remember a member by the name ‘Unique’ and really wonder how he is doing. Is he still around? His is one of the most heart wrenching and compelling life-story I have encountered. His story left an impression and really made me ponder.
http://suicideproject.org/author/unique/

I understand there is an unwritten code that members on this site assume—if a fellow member signaling his suicide intent does not come back to update, then he most likely had gone through with the ‘deed’.

I wonder where […]

So you say you feel like the woman you loved and knew over 2 years is not the woman you brought home last night? The woman you loved is gone?   Well I think your right atm I am a person who feels anger and numbness now?

I am not that person anymore who had it in me to feel horrible an still try to make you feel beter anymore something in me is gone.died.    I don’t have it in me to sit an cuddle u constantly trying to make u feel beter when I feel this bad.

I just keep replaying over and over in my head all […]

In my 24 years of life I have had three different diagnoses for my purported mental illness, each by a different shrink. First it was schizophrenia, then depression, most recently bipolar– each ‘diagnosis’ overriding the previous one, but not an additional ‘symptom’.

This all, sentenced by a mere mortal who plays judge, jury and executioner over the sanity of others.

Has anybody here watched American Horror Story: Asylum (Season 2)? I believe the oppression and torment at Braircliff far extends beyond fiction. I have been committed to the asylum before and experienced first-hand the worse than animals treatment. Some of the prison guards are evil (it […]

Ive been contemplating suicide all year long. Now, the Holiday season is making it worse.

I’m facing homelessness. My kids father abuses me. My job and home are gone…I have no friends. my life just really sucks.

My children are better off without me

My anxiety never leaves. It stays, building, waiting. At the slightest hint of danger it jumps. I try to will the situation to a better place, but it refuses to go. My mind is racing and I’m suddenly angry, then tired and angry again. I want to hit something, someone. I want to scream and rip apart everything in sight. I want to sob and not be judged. The urge to bang my head on the nearest surface till I black out is growing. This is what happens at school, at home, and all I want to do is fall asleep and never feel again.

I told a friend that I have some problems with loose dogs roaming round my house, & I need a firearm to drive them away. I told him in a very convincing way that I need just 3 bullets. I think he believed me, & I know he can bring me one.

I really want to shoot my heart to die in peace at once, but I want to stay alive till May or June as I planned. it’s very difficult to see a loaded firearm ready to shoot & resist the motivation to commit suicide.

what should I do guys???

I fear for my future

I’m haunted by the past

My disgust

Of this distrust

The deceitful actions they claim to be just

So dig my grave

As deep as the knife in my back

Because I’ll die

Before I stop this attack

My suicide

The result of a life

Steeped in despair

I’d still be here

If I could only find a way to care

So lie down with me

Let’s sleep until the world ends

With dream filled minds, we’ll pretend

Time stands still

Stolen lifetimes returned

As our blood spills

Every thing is getting on top of me. I have been “clinically depressed” since i was 15 but these days I wonder if i have other things going on. I just make mistake after mistake and its made my life very hard. I then feel bad for thinking my life is hard when i am no doubt luckier than billions of people and animals in the world. My life is hard in terms of feelings of worthlessness, lonliness, panic, self hatred and guilt. I loath myself and then even more for being so inward facing and seemingly selfish. I am very manipulative.

I have made so […]

“I’m gonna be stuck here forever.

No one can help me.

It’s like you’re invisible, even though you do everything as loudly and as brightly as you can in their very faces.

They just don’t want you to be a part of their lives, so that even your own home feels like a cold place where you’re not wanted.

So they send you away, and it takes every ounce of strength in your heart and soul to go against the flow, to smile because you have to, because the only pony who can ever bring your spirits up is yourself, and you know it…”

i’m 25 male. no drive left to even type. don’t care enough to use grammar. have a baby girl. everything else, i don’t care. just want to sleep, not wake. tried no food water yesterday but wife started kicking me until i had food and drinks. i don’t like suicide. want to make look like accident.

i can’t feel emotion anymore except unhappiness, so no point in going on. just tired of trying. everything is boring except baby girl. should do this now before she’s old enough to remember.

don’t want to read response about don’t do it. i’m like a car that’s totaled, it’s hopeless and […]