I appreciate everyone’s input into my issue. Unfortunetely I went ahead and took down my post. I get it, I have horrible flaws. I know this. It’s what I’m trying to fix. I just needed an ear to listen to me and helpful words to help me feel better. This is precisely what I meant when I said I do everything wrong. I’m a screw up. Call me a slut. I don’t care anymore, it’s ok. This is also why I hate myself. Why I don’t want to see tomorrow. I don’t want sympathy, need help. But like I said its fine.
so my ma always told me that there are two types of love out there, there’s the steady breeze and the hurricane, a breeze is slow and patient, it fills the ails of the boats in the harbour and lifts the laundry on the line, it cools you on a hot summers day, brings the leaves of fall like clockwork every year. you can count on a breeze, steady and safe and true.
but there’s nothing steady about a hurricane it rips through town, sending the ocean foaming up the sore. Tearing down trees and power lines and anything or anyone dumb or fucked up […]
I need to go, before I hurt someone. I’m tired of screwing up, the thoughts are back in full force. A tiny voice telling me that leaving now is my best choice. Why can’t it shut up? Why can’t anyone realize what I’ve done to myself before? Why can’t they see the scars, or hear me at night? Why can’t anyone grab a bottle of glue and at least try to put me together, make me human?
Mad World by Gary Jules
All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for the daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I wanna drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow
And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I’m dying are the best I’ve ever had
I find it hard to tell you,
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles its a very, very
Mad world, mad world
Children waiting for the […]
if i ask for help, don’t ignore me. i’m not the psychopath you may believe me to be… i can have feelings, too, and like any weak person, sometimes i need comfort. why don’t i deserve this? i mean i know i’m worthless, perhaps have made some bad mistakes, but if you can claim to love me, why is some acknowledgement of my pain so impossible?
I looked onto my facebook messages, deeply pissed as living hell. My supposed best friend and two of her church friends decided they were gonna talk about me on a group message they added me to days earlier, and I hadn’t left yet. Pissed, I say, PISSED. They played me, and the chick is still trying to. She asked me what I was talking about. Bull-fucking-shit. I’m done. That pissed me off to the core, when she said that. I hate that she did that to me, I TRUSTED HER. I’m crying my fucking face off, and I can’t stop. Somebody, help. Before I fucking […]
(this will make more sense if you read the first and second first)
And so did chaos rule over all of man kind for an eternity that never started or ended, for chaos is timeless, following no path but to suspend and destroy any existing rule or law. for a timeless age did humanity succumb to the awesome power of the chaos, but so too did the darkness, no longer did it seek to regain the last of the light that was once his lover but now resided as the soul that drives the shell of man. for chaos reeked terrible vengeance upon the darkness […]
got a nice philosophical buzz going so what better time to empty my head. i have finally gotten through to my emotional self that my mental health “team” are not my friends. speaking about my shrink specifically. i am not stupid i realize that is business. i am a number and an insurance check. he sees x amount of clients per day times two clinics. but the emotional girl in me didn’t want to see that. she was hoping for a “working friendship” for lack of better explanations. she had embarrassed me greatly. so what is the best way to lick ones wounds and salvage […]
I’m not important I never was important. I used to think I was but now I know I’m not. Now I know just how worthless I really am. My life isn’t important. I can die at any second but no one really needs me. No one actually cares. Everyday I wake up just to realize how lonely I really am. Whenever I talk to people I just smile and talk about things that aren’t even important. I tried to tell my friend that I’m depressed and lately I’ve thought of killing myself. But she just said I should just talk to “someone” about it. I’m tired of […]
I don’t know what’s worse, the fact that I’m dying or the fact that no one knows.
Sometimes I feel the courage to walk up to someone without a smile on my face. I would look them in the eye and tell them the truth: I’m dying. I would tell them about the cuts on my leg and about how starving makes me feel better than anything else. In an instant, the courage is gone, and the smile is back on my face. How could I hurt them like that?
i was searching the comments i made and i found 1 really shamefull
Post,the problem is this post was right under someone that i really respect here.i don’t know he or she is reading this after that comment.but what i only need to say is that, the comment is not targeting anyone.i repeat it doesn’t target anyone.it is just some random post for fun.that is all.i read it today and i was totally shocked especially when i read the above comment so sorry.i repeat again,it is not for the above commenter.or anyone else.please,please believe me.i am so sorry if you feel anything.i don’t know what […]
I somehow see this page as a family which is weird since i haven’t befriended anyone, but it somehow feels easier when i write  here. Things are sort of collapsing. I should be extremely happy because a lot of things worked out for me now. I haven’t been cutting for almost 8 months now and i haven’t done anything to make my friends worry about me. I have a boyfriend now and he doesn’t know anything about my past and i want it to stay that way. It feels like i am finally integrating into normal life, into society. I don’t stand aside thinking about […]
I am a mom and even though my kids are adults, 1 is still at home in college, so im frustrated cause I cant go until i know my kids will be able to take care of themselves. it gets harder everyday though, no matter how many good things i do in life i still feel tired, i welcome death. I dont know why i cant get rid of this feeling, I just dont want to live.
I am 23 and i absolutely cannot stand my life. This Is all in a nutshell but here goes. My life has been going to shit ever since i can remember. My mother is a fucking whore so i dont even know my real father. Ive lived in shelters. Watched my mother get the shit kicked out of her by her ex. Shes also had sex right in front of me with that same man when i was 9 years old. I was really smart in high school. Things looked up for a while. I then got with my ex who i fell in love […]
People always say you learn from your mistakes, and usually I do. I’ve learned not to let myself get the best of me. Lately though, I don’t know, lately it’s like I’m setting myself up for disaster, for heart break, it’s like I’m subconsciously looking for something or someone to break me down more than I already have been. It’s like I want to test the limits of what I can handle, or maybe I’m just trying to bring back that emotional numbness. I’ve always been the one that’s chosen last, in elementary school it was in sports and games, in high school it was […]
So I have posted on here quite a few times, but I’ve never actually written about my life and I feel like it would really help me right now if I did. So here it is:
It all basically went downhill at the age of 13. Prior to that, my life was pretty average for a dorky kid like me. At 13, I started to get really annoyed at the fact that all of my best friends would hang out and exclude me. I talked to them several times about it, but nothing changed so one day I got really mad at one of them and […]
when I’m around him, I think I’m happy. But then I leave, and I start remembering how miserable I am, how fucked up I am, how not-normal I am. I just need to die. I’m not cut out for living. The only reason that I exist is to be used by others. No one cares enough to ask how I am, and actually mean it. He does, but when I say I’m fine he believes me. Am I that good of a liar?
So, tonight I’m in a bad place. I just don’t know what to do, I’m having job problems/ life problems. Basically, I’m hydrated so my drug test came back diluted and they’re threatening to send me home from training. I feel like I’m up against a wall. They’ve already sent me home once because I hadn’t been off my Ambien long enough. It’s horrible! I won’t even find out until Friday. If this doesn’t work out I’m completely broke and have no options. It makes me feel hopeless, like I’m fighting so hard to get ahead and all I get is worse off than before. […]
Can’t even stand to read comments anymore.