Suicide and all that jazz

I haven’t been on this site in about a year. I remember I was restlessly up all night. And being alone with your thoughts is never good haha. I’m back again right now to vent I guess. I’ve been suicidal ever since I was about twelve years old. As ridiculous and Dumb as that sounds. I’ve always just planned on writing out a note, leaving home, and walking around for a couple days alone to think about everything that’s happened in my life. I would then proceed to hang myself from a bridge. My actual life hasn’t been terrible. I wasn’t abused, and I also have a every supportive family. I just have a huge problem with not being able to care about anything. I hate everything about myself. Bein constantly replaced by those who “love” you and being left by your friends doesn’t feel good. Never being able to find a job doesn’t feel good either. Idk I just honestly wake up every day and observe everyone around me. I boat attention to injustice, abuse, and abandonment  that happens to other people and it makes me feel terrible. All I want is for nobody to gthrough what I have been through. I don’t want to be a part of this world at all. It’s so fake and wrong that it makes me extremely depressed that its the only choice I have other than death.. I don’t know what else to write haha. I hope everyone reading this is feeling okay. I’ll muster up the courage to do it eventually. Depression comes back stronger every time I think I’m finally getting better. It’s a constant mental and emotional battle that I don’t want to fight.