I just want to cry. To let it all out. To have someone hold me. Tell me they love me that everything will be alright. That they will never leave me no matter what. No matter how hard it gets. That they will never ever give up on me. Even wheni have given up on myself. I just want to cry.
THUS SPOKE ZARATHUSTRA
THE TREE ON THE HILL
Zarathustra’s eye had perceived that a certain youth avoided him. And as he walked alone one evening over the hills surrounding the town called “The Motley Cow,” behold, there he found the youth sitting leaning against a tree, and gazing with wearied look into the valley. Zarathustra thereupon laid hold of the tree beside which the youth sat, and spoke thus:
“If I wished to shake this tree with my hands, I should not be able to do so. But the wind, which we see not, troubles and bends it as it tilts. We are sorest bent and troubled by invisible hands.”
Thereupon the youth […]
I will be 21 this month… you think i would be happy… but all i can think about lately is ending it all. At the age of 13 was when everything started going extremely downhill both physically and mentally…All my life i had battled with loneliness from being hated and tormented by my siblings, ignored by my mother, and verbally abused by my father. i was an outcast at school considered too hyper and loud for friendship, in kindergarten i was diagnosed with ADHD which made me even more secluded from my peers. I was alone… the only thing comforting me was my pets or […]
it was my fault before and years later it still is. No matter what side I was on the abused or the abuser it still was me. My sins have caught up to me and it is more than I can bear. Take this pain from me and free the pain I caused. Free me. End me. I was taught this behavior but wasn’t saved from it. Don’t save me now I’m not worth it. Â Should I go Out with a bang and take innocent lives with me? Why? They didn’t save me why should I save them. my time has come my cup runneth […]
Honestly, I don’t know what to do anymore. My best friend committed suicide a few months ago and I’m just dead on the inside. I’m numb to everything and pain doesn’t phase me. My life gets tougher and tougher everyday, even when I think its getting better..its not… I need to do something .instead of just wishing I was gone.
My upper thighs are covered in scars, mostly words and insults… I’ve been doing it since middle school, started with a safety pin, kiddie scissors, broken pencil sharpeners, and now I steal razors from school. I try to help people too, I just don’t take my own advice. I’ve saved a handful of souls, and that’s what’s important to me. I pretend I want to be a social worker, but realistically, I know I won’t live long enough to make that happen. I lie to my fiance about being happy, and getting better…I’m almost never happy anymore, and I’ve started seeing things; bugs, when I […]
At long last, I’ve found myself……As a kid I’ve always enjoyed my time of solitude. I didn’t need anyone’s company to keep me happy. And I was always this way….until sometime around the age of 1o and 11 I lost myself. I started to let people mess with me. I let them get in my head. I started to let people tell me I was no good. And I believed it. They would tell me that I was weird because I didn’t talk a lot like them. They would tell me that I was weak because I didn’t have any friends. They would tell me […]
Death used to scare me. Every time I thought of it, my entire body would shiver and I would think of people I love; how they would react, what would happen after I died, how they would cope. I didn’t want anyone I care deeply to be hurt because I died. Well, not anymore. Death is comforting now. It doesn’t scare me to think about it; it’s inviting even. And when I start to think of the ones I love, the thought that I will simply not be here rushes in. I won’t be here. It will all be over. All the pain, all the […]
You know what?
The cuts don’t hurt.
It hurts to wake up each morning and want to die.
It hurts to never be good enough.
It hurts to hate myself with such intensity that I think I deserve to starve.
It hurts to know I messed up.
And to think about what I could have done differently.
It hurts to keep it all a secret.
It especially hurts to know my family will never understand.
But the cuts? They don’t hurt a bit.
starting over no one knows my secrets i wonder everyday if i could get away with cutting again.
would anyone see it? if they did would they do anything about it?
i fear to know
I wish my life could be given to someone that can really appreciate it because I don’t want to live anymore. Life is unfair. And my parents don’t even care, they just think I’m exaggerating. I want to die for once but I’m a coward and I just don’t dare to do it. I expect too much from people and I can’t stand this loneliness. I don’t understand why me, why do I have to be so alone. Loneliness hurts. I’ts this world’s worst kind of pain. I just don’t want to suffer like this anymore.
Yeah. I literally just made a beautiful boy with ravens’ wings hang himself. (he got saved though) But… it makes me feel better. It’s almost like it’s happening to me, the way I describe it, and it just releases the want to die or cut or bleed. Sometimes I feel bad for them, though. I know they’re not real, but all the things I put them through.. But yeah, that’s how I let out my suicidal thoughts. And it works brilliantly…
Before time and light there was only the never beginning and never ending darkness, nothing was born yet everything died in the ever hungry and all consuming darkness only to be spat out as more darkness, darkness breading darkness that fed off its own darkness, ever hungry and never truly satisfied the darkness was destined to eat its own body to fuel its ever exspanding self, for the darkness was there before space and distance were concieved, making it incomprehensibly vast and infinitesimally minute, constantly growing and shrinking in complete chaos. but in its ever ravanous stomach something was brewing, bits of the darkness came […]
sigh…
NOTES FROM UNDERGROUND
By Fyodor Dostoevsky
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It was not only that I could not become spiteful, I did not know how to become anything; neither spiteful nor kind, neither a rascal nor an honest man, neither a hero nor an insect. Now, I am living out my life in my corner, taunting myself with the spiteful and useless consolation that an intelligent man cannot become anything seriously, and it is only the fool who becomes anything.
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I want now to tell you, gentlemen, whether you care to hear it or not, why I could not even become an insect. […]
SORROWS OF YOUNG WERTHER
by Goethe
How often I lie down in my bed with a wish, and even a hope, that I may never awaken again.
And in the morning, when I open my eyes, I behold the sun once more, and am wretched. If I were whimsical, I might blame the weather, or an acquaintance, or some personal disappointment, for my discontented mind; and then this insupportable load of trouble would not rest entirely upon myself.
But, alas! I feel it too sadly. I am alone the cause of my own woe, am I not? Truly, my own bosom contains the […]
THUS SPOKE ZARATHUSTRA
THE MAGICIAN
1.
WHEN however Zarathustra had gone round a rock, then saw he on the same path, not far below him, a man who threw his limbs about like a maniac, and at last tumbled to the ground on his belly. “Halt!” said then Zarathustra to his heart, “he there must surely be the higher man, from him came that dreadful cry of distress, – I will see if I can help him.” When, however, he ran to the spot where the man lay on the ground, he found a trembling old man with fixed eyes; and in spite of all Zarathustra’s efforts to lift him […]
I cant believe there are so many who feel like me. I have from time to time felt like there was no use going on. Getting hurt year after year by people who are supposed to love gets real old. I do have a way to go out….just go to sleep and never wake up. This time is it….I can do this. I am sure no one will hurt and i certainly would never have to feel pain again. Good night world
my boyfriend broke up with me it was very complicated the way we started but i fell in love with him i fell in love with him and i thought he loved me as much as i did but it turns out he doesnt hes not willing to work our problems out but i cant be me without him i feel empty like i dont belong here without him and i want to belong but i cant i already feel dead inside my little hope of some love exists is through the window i cant believe that it wont exist.