lately, i am scared of myself. terrified of the idea that i’m not even sure anymore what or who i am.  i find myself looking at my hands, my arms, my wrists and i feel like this is not me. that somehow, the “me” got lost in all of this. and i look back at pictures of myself as a kid, and i cannot connect with the person i am meant to be. not even in the pictures of my childhood i am smiling. i honestly don’t believe i ever experienced the feeling of “happiness” . sometimes i have no emotion at all, but there […]

I haven’t slept in two days. My brain won’t let me.

That’s alright though. I guess I’l just wallow in my misery over a bowl of lucky charms.

Hello everyone, I have been on this site for a while,never really spoke about myself,not sure if someone is going to read this,but here goes anyway.I grew up in Brooklyn NY,im male Hispanic 36 years old.I never felt like I was a part of this world, I always felt different,always had different feelings towards people,feelings of compassion of helping others out.I never really understood why people were so evil.Why everyone just mostly cared about themselves.As a boy this is how I saw the world (and still do as an adult).Growing up I had 2 parents.For the most part my mother was always sweet and loving,never […]

Hey, how are you?
I know I have probably stuffed everything up between us but I didn’t know who else to talk to. No one understands me. I feel like letting you go was probably a bad idea but I know it was for the best. I’m gunna be honest here I just don’t think you were as into it as I was, and thats okay. But I really hope we can be friends.

I have no one to talk to. And today has been really bad. I stayed home from school and I was just thinking and thinking about Sam about you about everything […]

you look at my life, seems calm and cozy. i have a well balcenced life with exersise and friends. got ski racing and cadets. From a birds eye view it looks as if  i have the near perfect life not just from other people but i think so to but im just so sad. my life is overrun in my mind i gotta think what to do next for cadets so the head officer wont give me shit. But he does any way no matter how hard i try. he tell me to do a list of things i need for next week. usaully saying […]

My life is hell.  No, I’m not your average guy, and no I’m not looking for attention.  I’m considering suicide.   I love my kids, so I have found a way to get through today.  My wife is driving me insane.  We fight..  dirty..  I say things I know hurt her she says things to hurt me, wow how human..  however,  I recant my mean and thoughtless words, and back up my recant with actions.  I show her what I said is not true.  On good days I chase her like a school boy and his first crush..  I love her madly..  she never recants. […]

Is it bad i’ll rather save others than save myself ?

Always on my mind
Good and bad
Took my dad away
And hopefully me to
Because these horrible feelings
Stick with me like super glue
When i’m gone don’t write about me
You already did in red pen across my wrists
– A

i just want to die now… i don’t want anything from any one… no1 cares about me… not even my mom n dad….. i feel so alone …. i have nothing….. believe me…. :/

I’ve never felt this lost before… I used to be very happy and relaxed, everything would always workout the way I wanted to but now I grew up and I just feel disgusted with myself and everyone around me, I feel lonely. I want to die now, and I know it isn’t right to take away your own life when there’s so many people fighting for their lives but I don’t know what else to do… I keep giving me my friend hints and in my mind is so obvious but he doesn’t get it because he’s not getting me help. I feel like all […]

 
Preface: I’m not actually going through with this. I asked God for a sign as I walked with tears in my eyes tonight, he gave me one. At 8:00 pm, I received a internet message from a beautiful soul I hadn’t thought of or had any communication with in years. You know who you are and you did, infact, save my life tonight. Thank you beyond measure.

I was just writing this when I got that message and I think it’s really important that I continue to write this. Who knows what will happen tomorrow. There are no reasons to sit on these words. Words only matter […]

How are you? I’m fine. What I mean: I want to die.
What’s wrong? I’m just tired. What I mean: I’m depressed.
What happened to your finger? It’s nothing. What I mean: I cut myself.
I haven’t seen you in a while. I’ve been busy. What I mean: I’ve been curled up in bed.
Why do you read so much? I don’t know. What I mean: I hate reality.

Am I okay?
What does it mean to feel okay?
Will I ever be okay?
I wouldn’t know what okay felt like if you hit me in the head with it.

I don’t know how to explain it but I will try. It takes a lot to actually get me to feel something and when I do it is usually negative. The negative emotion will be there for like an hour and then it’s gone. I can’t stay mad at people. I want to die because I fear the future and I don’t like myself. If you were to ask me what I felt right now I’d say I didn’t know. I don’t think that is normal. I realize now that it could be the medication I’m on but if I miss a day I end […]

Pierce the veil. A reason I’m alive.

The scratching and the biting,
The screaming and the fighting.
The hollow words
Fly like wingless birds
Into endless spirals
Of full-fledged denials
And I find myself crying, alone.

I push you away
Yet I want you to stay.
Why is it so hard
When I’ve already come this far?
Caught back in the lies,
Truth pouring from my eyes
And I find myself dying, alone.

My wrists are untouched
But my legs, not so much.
I could sit in this madness,
Divulge in the sadness
Creating the cuts,
Loosening bolts and nuts
And I find myself, alone.

I’m alone in the sorrow.
I’m alone til tomorrow.
I’m […]

I feel sick. Physically sick. I want to run to the bathroom and eject all of my insides. I want to eject my heart out of my throat just to know I still have one. I want to eject my life out and watch it fade into a mist in the air as my empty body collapses to ashes in the grass. And mentally sick. I’m crying. But I don’t know why. I want to talk to someone. But even the people I love and trust I can’t open up to. I just can’t.

It’s about that time where all the bullshit about 9/11 starts coming on t.v on CNN ,Fox news and National geographic and probably a few other channels. I’m just curious…..Does anybody really buy the official story?

To whomever will listen,

2 years ago my mom passed away of an accidental overdose ever since then my life has been awful. Before my mom passed away it was crap, but it got worse. She past away when  i was in 7th grade it seems like yesterday. In 9th grade during a school break i was alone watching my neighbors house for her since she trusts me and she was away for the week. During the time she was gone my friend offered to get me fucked up i turned her down because i wasn’t ready to fuck up, but just a day later everything […]

I try to flee,
but something in the air
makes me get back here

I’m a fucking loser
I gave up on hope
Should I try to live better?
NOPE

The world made me a suicidal
so the death I shoulda hug
This is my destiny
This is the place I belong

Sorry if I make any mistakes,I don’t speak english perfectly,could someone tell me if I’ve made a mistake?
thanks