With all of this stress at school and no one to talk to…I don’t know how much more I can take. It feels like I’m literally watching everyone I love turn their backs on me and continue on with their lives. I miss my friends and I miss having companions. I’ve been at college for almost 3 weeks and I still have no friends. I’m just really sad and need a hug.

in no way do I condone there acts, just am trying to learn or understand if the columbine shooters planed their deaths before hand or just on the spur of the moment did they create a situation where it was the only option I find it interesting if they commitied the acts knowing they were going to die y not just kill themselves and not take out so many kids ,

I’m so bored ! I don’t work, don’t study… I’m at home all day long and I’m bored. I sleep as much as I can. The rest of the time I don’t know what to do. I don’t feel like watching Tv, reading, seeing people, playing video games or whatever. I don’t want to do anything, I get no pleasure in any activity… So, I’m bored as fuck.
Am I the only one ? What do YOU do ? Do you enjoy doing anything ?

Empty silhouettes shining through
Those infinity mirrors. 
White wash the pane, 
Paint it black. 
Black like the shadowing
Glimpses of light. 

I was to live the life I did 2 years ago, the life where it wasn’t an effort to do simple things like talking to someone. The only thing holding me together right now is my boyfriend and even then I fall apart so easy and become one step closer to cutting or even suicide. Last night I was listening to Demi Lovato who is a big inspiration once I heard what she went through and I began watching videos of her explaining we downfall it led to other people’s stories of depression and I just broke down on the spot I wanted to go […]

Your not alone. Your beautiful and individual and just because you ain’t found your purpose don’t let the man bring you down. I would rather find some purpose than waste life. I know it’s hard – I’m in a pit of despair myself – so let’s team together andfuck the power.

“Happiness is a choice”

We’ve all heard it from someone we know. All those motivational speakers and optimistic therapists; that one friend that’s always just a bit too perky. The funny thing is, people like that look down on people like me. My dad would always call me lazy. He’d say “You’re not trying hard enough,” or “If you wanted happiness you’d be happy”.

It doesn’t always work like that.

I’m 17 and on so much medication that I have to carry around a little list of pill names so that I don’t forget. I haven’t slept more than two hours a night for the last year. I […]

I’ve posted on here multiple times, hoping for something.

I don’t know what I’m hoping for.

Maybe that someone will say something that would move me, motivate me, inspire me. Maybe someone will fix me.

The truth is, no one can motivate me except for myself. Unfortunately, I don’t have enough energy to do that right now. I guess for now I’ll just keep hoping.

On Sunday, I intend on visiting a friend at a state mental health facility that I was hospitalized at.  Afterwards, I plan on lying to my parents about my whereabouts, driving somewhere secluded, and ending my life with a fatal overdose of multiple medications.  I bought a TracFone today, so my call couldn’t be traced when I called a specific nurse at the hospital to inform her that I was dying.

I tried talking to people, and everyone minimizes the situation, including the person that I intend to call.  I want everyone to know that I’m not playing their bullshit games.  I was sexually abused as […]

What’s so good about being black anyways , I wish I was indian or asian or even mexican.Anything other than being black is good.Almost everyone I know isn’t black so why do I have to be black. On top of that I’m ugly, oh great I get to be black and ugly for the rest of my life.

I met a girl on here who has become a very good friend to me. She is so sweet, kind, and honest. I haven’t known her long but I feel so lucky to have made a friend like her. Things are difficult sometimes for each of us in different ways but we are able to help each other through them. I know there’s a reason she was put in my life and even though I live so far from her I feel closer to her than I have to so many people that live in my town that claim to be my friends. I struggle […]

Get out of my life.

Get. The. Fuck. Out.

you broke my heart. you left me. you decided i wasn’t good enough for you and left. fine, i knew i wouldn’t last. But i never thought you’d stab me in the back like that, we were best friends. BEST. FUCKING. FRIENDS.

fine. you can get out of my life but once you decide to leave, DON’T COME BACK. I’ve given you way to many chances, you undeserving ****. Stay or go, not both. Be my friend or pretend you don’t know me. At this point, i don’t care which one. Just don’t keep affecting my life. Don’t keep […]

I want to cut so badly but this time I want to cut a little on my neck its really adictive is like a drug for me.

I just don’t know anymore. I want to feel happy, and enjoy my life for what it is, but no matter how hard I try, it never works that way. No matter what I do, I never feel content or satisfied with how I do. Even everything I used to love to do is now becoming frustrating for me.

I’m trying to find the light, trying to see how it could get better, but it just seems like it has all been going downhill for quite some time, now. From the moment I wake up, I regret getting out of bed and carrying on with my […]

I’ve been a member on here for about 6 weeks now, and I am currently on a quest to bottom of my very existence before I decide to take my own life. A therapist recommended this text, and it is a chauquatua, a journey, didactic explaining the ideas of reason and logic. All I am getting is that we live in a world made up of physical embodiment, everything boils down to its presence and its worth (or value)

Language itself is just as flawed as the very concept of value, as it is assigning symbols or numbers in order to interpret and decipher everything, becoming […]

I have been waiting at the bus stop of a very long time now, waiting for my bus to come.. the assurance that I CAN get on a bus when ever I want without much Baggage gives me some kind of relief.

This is basically how my day goes. I don’t really get sound sleep during the night, its pretty much disturbed and when ever I wake up in between, during that little time when your sleep gets disturbed and you fall back asleep, I could only think about CTB.

when I wake up in the morning I am pretty sure that today is the day, an […]

Tomorrow I’m going to do a good deed. It’s not important what it is. The person I’m doing it for is a total stranger and will never see me again.

On the way back I will drive over that bridge, the one I’ve driven over a hundred times. There’s a spot where the guard rail isn’t quite strong enough to stop a car that hits it the right way. The car would go right over the edge, about 200 ft down to the river, or to the rocks depending on whether the water level is low. I would prefer there to be water, but either way […]

yeah I dunno if this is a good idea.. but venting is ok right?

well I just broke up w my gf.. like 2 months back.. around the same time i lost my job.. i’m working now but its just teaching some like 2 hours a day..

socializing has been quite a difficult thing for me.. esp in the workplace.. my previous job was alright cuz I could relate to the people better.. they were cool people and liked to go out and stuff.. this new place.. they’re nice but they’re more square so i can’t quite fit in.. anyways.. so it’s teaching for 2 hours.. and […]

Rain come down,life cry with me

So alone, bare to the bone,

i can’t sleep.

sitting,thinking, about overall nothing

so pointless, i lost my trust is everything

you are not who I thought, oh i was

consumed by fraud.

now i pray, not for health, not for life

but for serenity in, where ever it comes

where can a being, a spirit take form

in a place of pure, sunny,gloomy, happiness

serenity with eyes closed, one with the sun.

Well… today is the day. After few hours I’ll kick the bucket. Im scared as f***, shivers and cold sweat

but it’s what I desire and there is no way back now. Faith will decide further. Guess being aware of the fact that someone will read this, makes me feel less alone. Imagined strangers are the only thing that comforts me at the moment, elsewise its like im dead already… not sure if that makes any sense, its like i have lost my sanity and the unreal becomes real…

I keep on wandering what will happen, what will I see, where will i go, will i even […]