I’m so sick of being surrounded by people that are just so goddamn content with their shitty, pointless little lives. I don’t get it. How do they do it?

Are they faking it?

Are they delusional?

Are they lying to themselves?

Are they just stupid?

These are the only options I can come up with, so I guess the vast majority of the population fits at least one of these categories. I wish I did, but I’m too smart, too aware, and too realistic, and therefore miserable.

I’m working a summer job in a warehouse, and man does it suck. It’s a shit job. And to get through it, I just […]

My mom thinks I should do normal things that “happy” people do. she doesnt understand how IMPOSSIBLE it is to do those things when your mind is constantly working against you. I can smile like nothing is wrong and in my head that voice says “why the fuck are you smiling for?” I could watch my favorite movie and the voice says “you know that its not reality right? in real life you are a fucking loser”…..In my head Its like two voices. the one I use for typing and writing and basic communication then its the inner critic who points out all the flaws, […]

Hello everyone. I just wanted to take a moment while i had a little peace. about myself to say that i am doing okay for this day. it was just a few months back that i was seriously ready to take a bullet to the brain. can’t really explain the things i was feeling at the time i just know i was exhausted from life and ready to go. i been through some shit in my life maybe not as much as some peoples but more than most. i had to struggle to see that people can make us all feel shitty and make us […]

I hate my sperm and egg donor for creating me!  I wish they would be subjected to everything that they have subjected me to by breeding me.  What a nightmare and an anguish they are to me.  I am with adoptive home now.   I pray my breeders will suffer in hell for the lifetime of agony they’ve caused me.  What makes a person feel, that they have a right to be a sperm or egg donor?  Why does a person feel that they have the power to create another life?  A new life which is not consenting?  A new life which may know nothing but pain for all […]

I scare myself with these thoughts. I don’t want to hurt anyone…I can’t. I don’t have that in me. But what I do have in me is the sincere yearning to hurt myself, even to die. I want to disintegrate into nothing and be gone from everything. I don’t want to feel this way. I have so much to love, so much that could hold me here on Earth and keep me from going 6 feet under. But this feeling keeps me from thinking about those things which I love when I get this way.

My little brother is 13. He’s so wonderful. I would do […]

I remember what I used to be like…. It was so long ago it seems… If I could see myself now and then nothing would match I don’t even look the same. I don’t know what started me down this dark road but I no longer see the light. I remember feeling happy but I don’t remember what being happy feels like. I cant focus anymore my thoughts are trapped in a cage with no opening. I cant even read a book and remember simple details about the book or even what I just read. Now I just feel like a rock on the side […]

all i want to do is jump from the fucking top floor window. i dont want to be talked to like this. i dont want to be treated like this. it’s not ok. it is not okay to keep feeling like this. what the fuck am i doing wrong?! what the fuck am i doing?! what the fuck?! what the fuck?! whether i talk in a calm sincere loving voice, whether i beg and plead, whether i shout from the top of my lungs, nothing works. nothing fucking works. no i just get fucking screamed at after ive screamed because all of this has caused […]

one fucking day. do i have to cry every fucking day?! what a fucking hypocrite. i dont get any respect. i dont get treated equally. it kills me. i cant take this. my voice is useless. quiet or loud it’s a problem. everything is a fucking problem. damn right i have an attitude. can the issues i bring up be addressed?! can i just be understood this fucking once?! do i always have to be fucking disrespected, misunderstood, or just ignored altogether?! what kind of fucking life is this?! what the fuck?! there is nothing nowhere and no one to turn to. what the fuck. […]

I have been thinking and thinking
To speak what I have in my mind.
I have been failing and failing
Every single time.
Either I have too much to say,
Or maybe my vocabulary sucks to my dismay.
I have tried to talk to the people I know,
I have tried to write it and show.
But I’m just used to hold everything in
And sadly some how it shows on my skin.
Bottled up feelings, tears I don’t cry,
My jumbled up pieces ,eat me up inside.,
My heart feels a pain, it’s hard to describe,
The tears that I cried, killed […]

you all laugh at me
stairing my scars
but u would never understand
my razors are my only painkillers

when i was left alone last night
in the only place i ve find
i didnt know how to hide
all my pain burried deep inside

but you would never understand
the feeling that comes
when all u have
is the blade in your hand

seeing your life ahead
cursing the life u left behind
when all u wanted
is to feel alive

They say im 18
but im still a child
who falls every night
wish someone could save her
just to make her feel alive

They say im mature
but im still a child
who’s not ready
for the painful rides
im so afraid
these things will never change
and her pain inside

yes im a child
and i cant hide
my pain
which is burried
deep inside

im acting
just like a child
because they would never understand
the feeling that comes
when u cut ur hands side by side

I can see that this is how things will continue to be.  I wake up every day worried.  On a Saturday where I have the choice to not interact with the world and just hide from it.  My best friend can tell something is not right, but I just don’t want to have that conversation anymore.  Unless you have experienced it yourself, there are simply no words to express the darkness.  Some of us are just damaged and broken.  I feel like I don’t fit anywhere in this life.

I am losing this battle.  My battle to live, experience joy.  My life is so consumed by my fears of failing […]

I may not mind existing so much if I was invisible. If nobody could seee. That’s how I feel anyways, invisible. Nobody sees me. Nobody looks at me. I am surrounded by “family” and yet completely invisible. I could disappear and it make no differen e. I could evaporate into thin air and nobody notice. What kind of existance is that?

In my life I’ve had several moments where I felt ‘stuck’ or ‘trapped.’  I wish that people truly understood the depth and complexity of those words to me.  My life has had its challenges, but what upsets me the most is that I truly am privileged.

I have major depressive disorder, but I am privileged.  I have a father that was a cheater in all three of his marriages and emotionally abusive towards me, but he is a Professor and exposed me to the world of learning and higher education.  I also have a father that through his cheating contracted HIV, but thankfully my mother did […]

I am still alive. now at the age of 21 looking back on what i have been trough and it starts making sense again.
I reached to the breaking point again and remembered this site from long ago and was thinking i should spill my thoughts here.
I never told much about my self from the few posts i made here and now i feel is the time to reveal some details about myself just so things would seem more clearly.
so what to begin with? since when i was a little kid our family had lots of problems. we never were a big family, […]

Hi, nobody’s even gonna read this but I guess it’s better to let it out.

I’m Lara, I live in the UK. I have a loving family, good friends and a pretty great life. I have a lot more than I need and i’m very grateful for what I have. But something just isn’t right. For two years now, i’ve been having thoughts of suicide and have been inflicting pain on myself. I don’t feel the pain anymore. Around the time I started having these thoughts, my friend was diagnosed with slight depression and bipolar disorder but her mood swings were far less severe than mine. […]

Well, I’ve been psycho for past few months. I got betrayed by my friend, live bullying and shit. Some damn kids use the adult relationships to ruin my life since kid. They bully me for so many years already and still do. It’s very humiliating cause they’re like 6 years or younger than me.

At school, I am forced to tell jokes to please my friends. I just get addicted to it. I couldn’t quit.

I also got severe pain or knife moving inside my face. Yes, I mean KNIFE. It mutated, moves and hurts like hell for every damn second for the past decade. It’s like […]

Yesterday the day started off great but then it just went downhill. By twelve I felt really down and I really just felt like I had no emotions apart from sadness. None of my family know about what I feel like or how I feel and they can’t because if they did then they might make me go to counselling or therapy or make me go see a doctor. Only my mate knows and she is really understanding. She knows about this site but she hasn’t told my parents so it is good because I can talk to a mate.  I don’t know anyone else […]

I don’t have the energy or clarity of mind to even write all the reasons why I feel this way.  All I know, is that the last 32 years, including my horrific so called childhood have been fraught with worry and pain.  I think of suicide at least once a minute these days (past year).  No-one would put an animal through this much pain and inner turmoil, so why do I have to live with this?  The only reason i’m still alive is the fear of my suicide failing and being left with a damaged body to live within whilst being caged in a mental […]

I’m 33, mother of 4, 2 with severe disabilities, several months ago my husband said he wanted a divorce, doesn’t want counselling, doesn’t want to try again.

im destroyed, I have told him how i feel, he doesn’t care, he has been seeing someone else for months, he sees me telling him I want to die as blackmail.

due to my kids disabilities I have access to a rather large collection of drugs, hopefully it will be enough.