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I am confused

by namoz

Well, I’ve been psycho for past few months. I got betrayed by my friend, live bullying and shit. Some damn kids use the adult relationships to ruin my life since kid. They bully me for so many years already and still do. It’s very humiliating cause they’re like 6 years or younger than me.

At school, I am forced to tell jokes to please my friends. I just get addicted to it. I couldn’t quit.

I also got severe pain or knife moving inside my face. Yes, I mean KNIFE. It mutated, moves and hurts like hell for every damn second for the past decade. It’s like my face is bleeding inside. It’s not a disease, just my post-trauma shit.

I got severely traumatized since kid. My brother teach me porn when I was five and I got beaten badly by my mom, crying in front of those demonic kids, laughing at me.

When I was called strange in high school, I got no more friends. Only one, who’s my junior in high school who doesn’t know anything.

Then, I got bullied severely for being called a troll. They ignore me, make fun of me and call me names (back in middle school).

Those kids are still bullying me when I’m out of high school. Now, I’m a shut-in. I need people to get food for me and shit.

If you tell me to see psychiatrist or something, then get lost. I’ve seen one. I’m afraid of people either.

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7 comments

DeathDreamer 7/13/2013 - 10:25 am

How old are you? Yea it makes sense that you’re afraid of people since you’ve been bullied alot.. You have psychosis? At least you got people who bring you food and stuff..

namoz 7/13/2013 - 10:33 am

Just graduated from high school. Now, I’m jobless. I care less about dreams or my interest in college shit. Those who bring food to me are my mom and dad. They’d been murdered if there’s no law.

RealTalk30 7/13/2013 - 12:32 pm

I can see its been more than a struggle for you to feel like you belong. Where are you in the world..if you don’t mind me asking? One thing I had to learn after high school is to make it on my own. That meant getting away from mom and dad and helping myself, facing my fears of what others might think and do to me. Sometimes we have to stand in the middle of our own life situations…look left, look right…then flip the coin. But take action and commit to seeing the journey all the way to the end.

clarity1987 7/13/2013 - 1:12 pm

I show your title & am like “me too”. what is “teach me porn”…i guess u mean watch porn maybe

nephicide 7/13/2013 - 5:10 pm

No one can make you care about your life. But if you don’t like the way things are, you should make an effort to change them. There are ways you can work from home, and there are places that deliver groceries, or probably even other people that would do it for you. If you hate your parents, you should try to get away from them.

namoz 7/13/2013 - 9:58 pm

The problem is I got my heart racing pacing shit whenever I try to do it. The wound makes me go back to my old self and forces me to go through all those shit again, even when I’ve understood them.
@clarity1987 Are ya here to help or elaborate ‘watch porn’? Yes. I enjoyed it. I even steal my granma’s panties, ya got it..?

RealTalk30 7/14/2013 - 12:16 am

Your very angry.. That much is clear. Have you tried just taking a breath and working to get better..one step at a time? Cuz I know it can be overwhelming with everyone pushing you to be normal in every way all at once.

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