Ok. I know that the title of my post is contradictary to the theme of this site. But I want to say that I haved a fairky happy life. I have had fun. I have loved and I have been loved. Sometimes people just are not made for this life. I have been fortunate enough to experience all the highs and lows of a fairly ordinary life BUT, I just don’t feel like living. I don’t want kids. I don’t want a relationship. As soon as my mother dies there will be nothing stopping me from the only thing I have ever wanted. I appreciate […]

I have attempted suicide 3 times.   Two were almost successful.   My family was so surprised,  I was surprised they were surprised.  I felt like I was yelling it from the rooftops.  I suffer from paranoid schizophrenia, I have lost so much of what I wanted to this disease that even when I am not depressed I consider ending it all.    The first time I attempted suicide I took a massive overdose.   Unsuccessful obviously.  I was hospitalized for a week.  Last fall, I climbed over a bridge rail, a very tall bridge which I won’t name.  It was so well planned.  It […]

I’m 26 from Newfoundland, Canada. I really need a friend who is suicidal. I seen something about an exit bag? I’m very interested. Assisted suicide by a physcian isn’t legal here and i feel myself closer and closer to killing myself as time progresses and not care how painful it is or risking it being failed and ending up like a vegetable. Please contact me. I am so alone no friends no one seems to be on this level. I knew one girl that went to my high school she told us how she attempted it hs and when we just turned 23 I heard […]

I based this off of Amy Brown’s faeries. She’s amazing.
I did this forever ago, and it still stands true to it’s meaning. It means I always fuck up. It means that I’m always messing up, always failing, always late. And I hate myself for it… And I don’t mean to… I don’t know what to do about it even….

I should be out of bed by now. It’s one in the afternoon, and I have a lot of cleaning I need to do. But no, I’m in bed, wondering why I can’t cry when I feel the sting of should-be tears in my eyes. I’m in bed, reading a depressing book where someone commits suicide and leaves behind a fiancee and an overbearing mother… I’m in bed, wondering how deep I’ll be able to cut without dying. I’m in bed, nauseous from the taste of morning breath, sore from yesterday’s cleaning. I don’t want to live anymore. I have nothing to offer my boyfriend, […]

People say that their afraid to die. Im not afraid to die…im scared to death to live!
I wanna say goodnight and goodbye at the same time. And never wake up again. Shut the world out forever.
“Im not starving myself.” You need food to survive. “I dont cuzz”  You dont need food to die. :/
I have a really bad habit…..BREATHING!!
I found a solution to all my problems. Suicide…my ride to die.

just some of my quotes…newerish ones.

In the Peaceful Pill Handbook of Philip Nitchke  I’ve read about the Helium Suicide method. The main concern remains about if there will be enough Helium in the Balloon Time containers to last till you die. But what if we fill some enclosed area like Tent with Helium (like a balloon, but instead of balloon it would be a tent) and when tent is full of Helium, stop the flow and enter the tent ?

So you are now in a tent, which is closed and you don’t have to worry that Helium will finish, cause the tent is full of Helium, and as you inhale […]

But I’m too much of a ***** to do it.  I don’t want to die but I feel like I have no other choice.  I’m so fucking miserable.  There has to be more to life than this.  I cry myself to sleep every-night   I pray to a god that doesn’t exist.  Somebody help me.  =(

please stop the fuck you have in yourself to make me study
i cant study
fuck you
fuck studies
fuck books
fuck words
fuck letters
fuck alphabets
fuck numbers
fuck everything related to studies

please see the fuck u have in yourself and please dont force me to study
fuck studies
fuck everyone
fuck books
fuck words
fuck alphabets
fuck numbers

A psychologist walked around a room while teaching stress management to an audience. As she raised a glass of water, everyone expected they’d be asked the “half empty or half full” question. Instead, with a smile on her face, she inquired: “How heavy is this glass of water?”

Answers called out ranged from 8 oz. to 20 oz.

She replied, “The absolute weight doesn’t matter. It depends on how long I hold it. If I hold it for a minute, it’s not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I’ll have an ache in my arm. If I hold it for a day, my arm […]

I’m bipolar II.
That’s like a bipolar I without the happies.

The fellow that I thought was one of my last friends always told me that if I needed help, I should not run away again, but call him.

I did.  I did not tell him that I had gotten much much sicker in the head.  I’d been hearing voices for a while and didn’t notice until now.  I was getting help from my doctor, but I wasn’t sure how far it would go.  Hospitalization?  I had no idea.

I was going to the hospital the next week, so I wanted to line things up with the fellow. […]

i know of a girl
who once upon a time
smiled at world
who was genuinely fine
she shone brighter than the sun
and lit up the night.
she scared away the demons.
and threw away all fright.

I know of a girl.
who was once a saviour.
She rescued all the lost
and helped out the trapped.
She threw out a life raft
to all those drowning
she brought a smile
to the many who were frowning.

But soon all she saw
well it took a toll
it ate at her heart
and crumbled up her soul.
her light was growing weak
and she started to […]

when you are completely busy your depression lifts. That’s partly true. You don’t feel as miserable because you’re not focused on it. Life is the same. Same triggers. Same disappointments, only, there is less time to dwell on them. But when you stop, at night, struggling with sleep; the weekends, when you have no friends to be with, and no one to talk to, and a pile of work you have to do but are avoiding doing… it all comes back.

What am I doing this for? What do I want?

Then you realize just how dissatisfied you are. You realize how unhappy and unfulfilled you […]

Sometimes we are given more than we can handle, and that sucks. I’m tired of fighting for me, I’m tired of the lack of knowledge people have of depression, I’m just tired. I’m tired of taking pills, I’m tired of doctor appointments, I’m tired of faking all is well when I just want to be done. I’m tired of having to hide my emotions because of the fear of the release, I’m tied of the crappy events in my life messing with my mind. Sexual abuse by my brother when I was four, cutting, eating disorder, miscarriage, diagnosed with breast cancer when I was 29 […]

I don’t remember when it was i first saw something die, but i can bet you it was a goat, being slaughtered by the “Dehar” of my village for one of our religious festivals. And though i probably made little of it at the time, given that this was in the rural Hindu-Kush, where one is exposed to animal slaughter at a young age, ever since my family left Pakistan, such memories have effected me in a profound manner. Now some of you may be thinking that, given that I am from Pakistan, I am muslim, but i am not, my people are called the […]

It’s amazing how there are so many ppl around me, so many ppl who call themselves my friends and yet i just can’t seem to talk to anyone. I mean REAL talk, beyond the “hi” and “how’s it going?”.. Why can’t we talk about stuff that matters?
I know sometimes it is just easier to stick to the conventional greetings and nothing more b/c I don’t want to upset anyone or burden them with my thought but Oh how I wish it was easier to talk. I wonder sometimes about their burdens and all the things unsaid between us. Will the day ever come when […]

I just want to hurt to feel something, I want to cut I want to get high anddrink  and I don’t even know why…

I just want someone to talk to, but I’m afraid to say anything… I just… I just want to break down and cry all the time. There’s a smile on my face, but inside I’m all tears and blood and worthlessness. I want to ‘tell my story’ but I just don’t know how. How do I explain the despair I constantly feel? How do I explain the darkness within me? How do I explain the tears that fall just before I lay to rest, praying that I won’t have to face another day? The terror within always wins these battles, causing me to back down […]

My first boyfriend, my first love, my first everything lives 5,000 miles away, in a different country. He was a foreign exchange student last year, and I fell in love with him.

Now, he’s gone and it hurts too much. I miss him more than anything. He told me we’d always be together, but I can tell he is changing his feelings. Call me gay, but I cry all the time for him. I feel like my life is so dull, so pointless without him. I never get to talk to him. It’s like he’s dead. All I want is him. I want him back. My […]