but when i shower, i feel clean physically, but also mentally and emotionally? well for a little while anyways..

its like when i shower and wash off all the sweat and dirt, im also washing off the stress and stuff.

Sometimes when i shower i get more upset, but other times it feels like im temperarily washing off all of my emotion..

why is it that when i accidently cut myself shaving, it hurts 10 times as bad as when i cut myself on purpose?

Its gonna be ok they say, i know what your going through, your a tough girl, You can handle it… on and on. but then there is…why do you even try, your pathetic, worthless, you wil never amount to anything, failure, i dont even know why you are still alive you disgust me… I can’t hold on any longer… the pills are in my drawer i have been saving them up for so long, waiting… and now im finally over the edge.

I don’t know how!

I don’t know if I can

I don’t want to…

But I do…

/////////

I can’t go farther,

But I have to

I can’t even cry,

But I want to…

/////////

I try so hard,

But I can’t go forwards ,

And I can’t look back.

There is no tomorrow

There’s only right now

But still I struggle to live another second…

i wish there was a delete button built into us. I was a bad mom, a bad grandmom and a bad wife. This life is full of so much pain. I have withdrawn from it. I am sad when i wake up in the morning because i have to go through another day. I am 62 years old. I was abandoned as a child and i have lived my entire life not belonging anywhere. I feel like a spaceship landed and i got off on the wrong planet. I believe in Jesus and in heaven. I want to go now. whatever purpose this life […]

“Just GO AWAY!” I hear that all the time. People don’t realize how much I actually think about ‘going away’, but not in the same sense they’re thinking… I think about killing myself probably 3-4 times a day. Sometimes more if the day is crappy, like this one.

I try to be funny, make other people smile. It makes me feel as if I have a purpose. But recently, people don’t seem the slightest amused or interested in me any more. I can’t even make an opinion anymore. My friend wears Uggs, and I’ll crack a joke like, “Those aren’t boots, they’re slippers!” And they all […]

I dont feel like I can last much longer. I just see no future for me at all.

I can’t do this anymore, this thing called life, im not good enough, nothing i do is good enough. I quit. I want all this pain to end. Now.

Ifind it ironic how sad it is to hear when someone kills themself, yet you want to do the same.

Today feels like every other day. I sit alone in a house that I am not welcomed in. My job is lackluster, I love yous are said through gritted teeth, and the world feels dark again. I think of turning into traffic, running my car into a ditch to save myself from hurting others. I’m tired of being second place. I’ve been looked over, passed on and lied to. When does the hurting stop. I stand in a room full of people and no one knows all of my story. I could write volumes about their stories if needed. I need a release I need […]

I’ve been going through the motions for years now. I’ve put on a brave face, told myself if I try hard enough that life would be great, I’ve done it all. I tried drinking my problems away but my presistent optimism kept my from becoming a real alcoholic. Just recently my best friend and one of the few men I’ve ever loved got married. Out of the blue kind of married. Just a few days before all of it we were sleeping together. To top it off he got married 3 days after my birthday, lol he’s an ass but I do still love him. […]

It has been two years today since I lost my best friend and love of my life Zach to suicide. I was the last to talk to him but I was so busy I couldn’t really talk. His mom texted me the next day telling me his little sister found him and it was my fault since I was the last to talk to him and I would burn in hell with him. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about him. There is not much left for me anymore. I do not know what to do. I do not think I can […]

Okay, well I have friends. I do. I hang out with them sometimes too. but why do i still feel so alone? I call them my bestfriends, which in most cases is true… but at the same time.. they know NOTHING about me. They know the crazy girl.. the one who likes to party, whose had sex, gotten high and gotten drunk.. But the true part of me that matters most.. they dont know exists.. The part of me that cries myself to sleep at night. The part of me that has scars, and cuts.  The part of me who almost committed suicide and still […]

Seeing You, I cannot lie… it kills me

I get even more depressed when I see You.

Your beautiful eyes.. dirty blonde hair that always flips to one side..

I think You’re beautiful.. absolutely beautiful..

But that’s what You think about.. Her..

Not me.

Seeing You smile, brightens up my day

yet still the room darkens, since Your smile isn’t towards me.

I hate seeing You, and not being able to talk to You

Hold You

Touch You

Kiss You

and mostly..

Love You.

I can love You from afar.. but it is not the same as when I was loving You upclose..

Seeing You is like a little knife being stabbed in my heart

and several blows to the stomache.

Seeing You […]

CAN YOU PLEASE TEL ME WHY!@? THIS TIME I AM NOT POSTING ANYTHING, SO PLEASE TRY AND COMMENT @LEAST AS TO WHY!?!?!

MY POST WAS REGARDING THE HELIUM KIT. PLEASE … FOR GOD SAKE! THE DAY IS COMING CLOSER AND I NEED TO KNOW A FEW THINGS…

Not one person in this world knows how I feel, not even my boyfriend. How depressed I am, how much I cry, how damaged I am, how sad I am, how long its been, how much I wish to end my life every day.

They think I am just me, little bit anti social but laughs, is ok, they think I am fine.

Is that fucked?

I’ve spent the last few days trying to wish myself out of existence.   So far, it’s not working.   I think I’ll keep trying, though.   The alternative is to stop wishing and do something about it myself…

My life, as I see it, is a sea without any shore.

I’m 16 years old, God knows if I have high blood pressure and liver disease, I have no money, I dont have the girl that I love and I have the worst relation with my parents.

I’m completely alone. No real friends, family, nothing. Nada.

I dont know if I will get the girl that I love and every other thing will be alright.

I’m from Bangladesh, and this country is a third world country which sucks, and I’m trapped here.

I know many of you here writes sad things that I have no love and no friends […]

I’m not sure why I’m doing this. Maybe it’s just a final reach for help, I don’t know. But in everything I do, I keep failing. I’m failing school, my relationship to my family sucks. And all that’s my fault. It’s because of something I did. I know that if theres one thing I can succeed at it will be killing myself. I know I can do it. And I know how. I’ll just find some cyanide, that should do it. And I’m not going to talk to my parents, I’m not even going to threaten them that I’ll do this. They’ll probably just laugh […]

I don’t know what’s happening with my feelings. I don’t feel lonely, but started to hate everyone . I imagine bad things about people around me. It makes me feel gloomy. Then I want to stop that kind of thoughts, so I start thinking about suicide. I don’t want to hurt anyone. I just want to disappear and forget my current life.

Every day I try to say positive words to me that everything will be okay. My friends will back, I will forget  the pain I have,  I will be happy etc.. However, I started do not believe. I don’t know how much time I’m […]