CAN YOU PLEASE TEL ME WHY!@? THIS TIME I AM NOT POSTING ANYTHING, SO PLEASE TRY AND COMMENT @LEAST AS TO WHY!?!?!
MY POST WAS REGARDING THE HELIUM KIT. PLEASE … FOR GOD SAKE! THE DAY IS COMING CLOSER AND I NEED TO KNOW A FEW THINGS…
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Hello Usernameunknown,
I did comment on your last post. It must have been removed before you saw it.
What you are asking is not allowed. Go to the home page and read the forum rules. This is not a pro suicide site…and anyone that told you that it is…smack em.
There is one post allowed…or overlooked where you can comment and ask questions…but you are not allowed to post about the subject. Put helium hood method in the forum’s search…I will not help you find it…but it is here.
Just so you know…this post will probably be deleted too…I had one deleted last night because I used the word pa..r…t.n…e…r of all things…so don’t take it personally…it is not.
You cannot talk about methods on this site, you cannot request partners either or spout hate. read the rules. Anything that breaks the rules will be deleted, thats how SP roles.
http://suicideproject.org/about/
Γ’βΒ Any death is regrettable Γ’β¬β in the sense that good life is preferable to death. We want for others what we would want for ourselves, even when we are not able completely to respect that some people would want very different things for themselves than what we would want.
Γ’βΒ Persons who can be encouraged to desist from suicide on the basis that their life can become worthwhile should be encouraged and empowered to live.
Γ’βΒ There is a qualitative and quantative difference between persons who are Γ’β¬ΛsuicidalΓ’β¬β’ because of temporary emotional disturbance and those who are Γ’β¬ΛsuicidalΓ’β¬β’ on account of unbearable and unrelievable suffering.
Γ’βΒ Availability of suicide methods information does not affect the the number of suicides. If young Tommy wants to go to the Golden Gate Bridge to jump off, itΓ’β¬β’s only human to try to dissuade him. But if he has made up his mind to end his life, he will simply use another means Γ’β¬β possibly more painful and undignified, possibly even one that will endanger others I don’t why we have a site on suicide and know one can talk about method’s.?
Ya know…you can meet like minded souls on here and “meet” in another way…email etc….but the reason it can’t be posted in an open forum….ummmm…the law.
Shit…the truth is…sometimes even death requires a little bit or work and ingenuity…quit ranting….we can’t change anything…and keep looking.
No matter what…I wish you all Peace
I know, I can understand. It’s just that, there’s no way to get an answer anywhere. I’ve researched as much as I could about this (and still continue to do so). I could message people separately, but it’s not a common sense type of question or something too commonly asked, so most likely the person wouldn’t know. And it’s far fetched for me to message like a ton of people asking the same thing.
The thing is, the second time I edited it, I reworded them in a way that it doesn’t directly ask the question. More of a generic thing, such as “so if someone breathes out after breathing in xyz, do they still breathe out CO2”, that type. But it got deleted in less than a day, I am assuming the moderator must have seen the title and look @ the beginning, which was the same, so must have deleted it.
It’s suffocating man… I need to get it done. But that method is no where near painless (just relatively painless).
It’s true, nothing comes easy in life. Not even death. Especially death.
im just breaking down tears … im’ tired man wtf … im just tired and i need to make sure it’s painless. that’s why i had 2 ask the questions again and again … i don’t know.
Usernameunknown…if you go to the dashboard…the post you are looking for is the top viewed post of the day and you can link there….the questions you are asking have already been asked. There are a lot of comments to go through…but check it out….that is the only thing available here.
Certain words are tagged…and posts and comments held in moderation or trashed because of a word like pa rt ne r. Please don’t think it is personal.
I truly do wish you Peace
Amakua
Amakua,
Thanks. I will do that right away. I wasn’t looking for a —- n-r , nor did I use that word. It be quite ironic though… while I couldn’t find one to live with, it’s probably easier to find one to die with. **Please don’t take this as an indirect way of asking for one, I am not looking for one so don’t delete this comment or post.
This feeling in chest… the loneliness.. anxiety… depression … its enough to make me wanna jump off from somewhere high. Yet I guess it’s easier to live with it and cry then to actually make the leap. If I had money and was somewhat settled in terms of place to live and work… I wouldn’t mind drowning my sorrows with alcohol and other things. But having to suffer while sober … it’s just not fair.
I know life isn’t fair… but maybe that applies to those with sufficient coping mechanisms. For those with none, life’s just a torture. I shouldn’t complain because I am sure most people here are in the same boat, so forgive me I wasn’t trying to belittle anyone else’s pain.
There is no god. And if there is, he’s probably not on my side. That’s my “dialogue”. I know, lame (=
As much as I would like to sound helpful, there’s nothing I wish more than for all the people on this site that want to die, to die. Painlessly.
Hey Usernameunknown,
When I came here a year ago…I was in sorta the same place as you are. In a final act of desperation…I googled “suicide” and the rest is as they say…history. I am not pro suicide myself any longer…but I understand the pain, fear, despair and confusion that leads people to attempt it π I attempted the first time before I was 4 years old…and the last time when I was 40…and many times in between. All I really wanted was some answers…just for the pain to stop. Not one more day God…not one more…and then I found out I was God. I control my thoughts and emotions…more and more every day….but not so long ago…my thoughts and feelings controlled me. Scary. I hope you find your answers…but you have to look for them…ask for help…and accept it. There is help…and you can have hope again. But it is hard work for sure. If you are sooo beyond helping yourself…then I just wish you Peace my friend…Peace of mind. BTW…I am not Xtian and don’t believe in the Bible version of God or Satan…but then it is pretty much all metaphor for the epic myth is it not? That is why they say …find a god of your understanding…there is no such thing as one god above all others…at least not in this reality or dimension…but does that mean one does not exist….the big question…hahaha The jury is still out eh? π
Here if you would like to talk
I wish you Peace
Amakua
I know, the help is out there. And you need to seek it. The worst thing about major depression … is that it’s probably one of those few illnesses that make you wanna kill yourself. Make you not wanna get help, partially because you don’t get the help you WANT. Other’s try to help you the way they want. Advice, therapy, etc.
I have had multiple attempts. Out of those, 2 were probably somewhat serious. Not serious as in dramatic or with serious outcomes, but serious as in chances of success were high, and it wasn’t “in the moment” kind of a thing…
I was well on my way to controlling my life. I mean, the effort and motivation was there. It was all for one person, that’s all I needed. They didn’t have to be around to take care of me, as long as they were with me. Whenever possible. Yet it seems, everytime I got a reason to feel better and live, I lost the reason. And worse of, it became the prime reason for my downward spiral. It kills… I mean it’s not like those teenage love that you are so infactuated and you become all dramatic and wanna die coz you broke up. It’s just that I get soo attached to them, it becomes a drug. I make them my family. Despite having a family of my own, I am pretty much alone. Inside the four walls… it’s suffocating. At first I used to handle it fine. If anything, I made myself feel superior, always thinking along the lines of “I am made of stone. I have no heart… I can live like this just fine”. lol. It was so cool. And it would have worked to some extent. But major depression… with insomnia and what not.. screwd it all up beyond recognition or repair. Just a few months ago, I was on my way to trying to fix things… yet once again another person became the reason for my misery.
It kills… to no extent. Just to think… how much I am stuck up on them… yet how easily their lives still continue just fine. I maybe wrong.. they maybe hurting a little as well… but I judge it this way: If you still got ur job, you still go to skool, you still socialize … and you are managing your life just fine, then you are fine. You maybe in pain, but the fact that you are still managing means you CAN. Not because you have extra ordinary will power. It’s just that the chemicals in her head are far better balanced than in mine… it kills… just because they have a family to come home to, to talk to, friends that are always asking how they are doing and going out to make them feel better… it’s not my fault I dont’ have those things (regardless of whose fault it is… end result is I am alone. but frankly speaking, it never was my fault… just how life turned out… most of it due to major depression)
From an objective point of view, my main issue is probably major depression. But now I don’t even want to fix that. Once you are way down there, you just don’t even want to look up. And if anything, since they never understood the extent to which I was in pain… I want this to end so @least they realize… to what extent I might have been suffering. I have been in this state few times before (not necessarily break up or nething) and after a few months to a year, I “seem” to be fine according to others.
I am tired of suffering in silence. And on top having everyone else think I am perfectly fine. And when I do get better, it’s only momentarily till I get back down. It’s like all that work to get better for what? Now I am here again, I suffer, then pretend it will be ok, then get back up, only to fall again. And through out the process, not one person notices. Not that I am looking for attention that bad, but that’s the least I deserve from some people. And stating these things out I just sound like an insecure teenage girl (which I am not mocking. I have respect and feelings for anyone in pain, regardless of the reason or extent)
lol, this rant turned out long. @least it feels better that some people here will read it.
Thanks Amakua
Hey UserNameUnknown,
I hear ya … and I’ve been where you are…so I do understand…but the solution remains the same…that is the problem…so nothing changes. I have suffered from Melancholia since birth…I’m never not depressed…I tried to off myself for the first time before I was 4 and the last time at 40. I am now 51. So I am living proof that it can get better…but as I said…I won’t lie to you…it was damn hard work and lots of it. But I started seeing little results immediately. I fall all the time…but I keep getting back up…kinda like a punching bag…hahaha…funnier if it wasn’t true for a lot of years…sigh. But I can’t change anything…or give you a magic answer…I wish I could. But what I can do is listen. Very nice rant btw π
And all I can tell you is that for me…the work paid off…and I can quite honestly say I have never been quite so “ME” and happy. And I’m not close to done yet. I find the thing that works best for me…is to learn to have no expectations of anyone but me. If I expect nothing…anything I get is a bonus…and I get hurt and disappointed less and less. But first I had to learn to expect something from myself…besides the same old coping skills…for the same old problems…and wonder why nothing changed…just got worse.
Sorry if I made no sense…haha
My eyes are at half mast
I sincerely hope you find your “peace of mind”.
Amakua
Dear Amakua2309,
It’s funny … I am barely half your age, and maybe never went through half the hell you lived through … but yet here we both are.. on this forum
I am surprised that you took any action before you were 4… If you don’t mind, would you share it with me? I am happy that you are doing relatively ok now… and no you made perfect sense. Especially the play on the punching bag … sorry for that. I guess on the brighter side (relatively speaking again, lol), it’s behind you …
But that made my day! The part were you were like, “very nice rant btw” LOL and with that face, ahahha I am telling you I actually LITERALLY smiled and almost laughed… it was an innocent type of laughter it was just hilarious… Thanks man.
Here’s something I wrote a week ago or so.. one line close to the end might not make sense coz it was written on paper … but its all good.
http://suicideproject.org/2012/12/only-you-2/
lol no obligation to read.. but I know you probably will. I know anyone creative with enough free time on their hands and enough of a life experience can write some amazing stuff .. so it’s not the best thing out there. But it’s mine… that’s all.
So thanks again, (now I am beginning to understand this site… suicideproject… as much as it sounds like a place for people to die … it probably ends up giving people reasons to live. Not that it applies to me, but I am just saying…)
Take care
Hey UserNameUnknown,
I coulda swore I already commented…oooops…I musta composed it in my head and forgot to engage fingers. My bad.
Here’s the funny thing…I make it a point to refrain from commenting on others poetry and art for the most part…but I saw your post and moved on…went back…moved on…went back…and moved on. Nothing personal…just not usually something I do. So strange that I would respond to you when things got ugly…you were pretty upset, frustrated, irate. And normally I wouldn’t respond to that type of post either. So I moved on. Your second post…again…drawn to it…but still not my thing…so instead I left a comment that simply explained why your posts had been deleted and suggested a way to reword your post to have it be allowed. I prayed that you would see the comment before it was deleted…but apparently you weren’t meant to see that one. The comment can be found in either the trash or spam file if you want to verify this. Again not normally something I would do.
And then this post. Where again I went against everything that I believe and directed you to somewhere I never should have or will again…but something told me under the circumstances it was the right thing to do. By doing so…I risked getting banned from this site for 6 months. And yet I did it…again something I would not normally even consider. Like I say…it goes against my beliefs and I stood to lose personally for it. And yet I still did it.
Now I am confused. Because I really enjoy talking to you…your prose is awesome. Not gonna judge the content…I suck at relationships myself for the most part…atleast close personal romantic type relationships…so instead I choose to surround myself with friends that are not clingy or needy. Not unless I can set boundaries. I am very much a boundaries kinda person…and yet you made me cross my own lines. Why? What is so special about you? I won’t argue if you are special or not. I felt it when I read your other post…and it haunted me. Do we know each other? I dunno.
Just want to let you know up front…I am pro life…
Ah crap…my boyfriend just came to the door for our date and I ask him for a postponement so I could finish this comment….hahaha…I only have 3 hours to do it in…haha…don’t be scared π And that is something I would never normally do. Turns out he was coming to ask me for a postponement as well…random house guest showed up…hahaha…but he had to come and get his key anyway. What is it about you.
Okay…so I am pro life…and I value all life…but for some reason I value your life just a little more than normal…and yet I went against my own beliefs and morals and judgements and tried to help you get what you so desperately wanted. Still shaking my head…haven’t been able to sleep other than a quick nap…and I am not manic. I am not any kind of psychotic. But then they say that truly crazy people are always the last to know. HAHA π
So to answer your question…i was born miserable, refused to be held or touched…and no my mother was not an addict…she never smoked, or drank alcohol or took illicit drugs. I am one of 5…and the others are nothing like me. There is a whole big back story…but I was a pretty smart kid and spent a lot of time in my head so to speak. I always knew where I came from…and could sometimes glimpse it…but couldn’t figure out how to get home…I was born homesick. I know this sounds bizarre…but remember I was three. I’m just telling you what I thought then. I figured out that I got here by being born…and that to get out you had to be born back…or die like I had seen the babies on the farm do. I started by bashing my head off cupboard bottoms trying to knock myself out of this terrible body that was keeping me trapped…and although I did manage to knock myself out a time or twenty two…haha…I would just wake up dizzy,with a headache and still here. Then shortly after that I was sexually molested by one of my dad’s business associates. So the second serious attempt was just before I turned four. I figured out that dead things looked the same…but they didn’t move or breathe. So if you don’t breathe…you will die. Now remember I was not yet 4…I thought I could just quit breathing. And I am a stubborn old thing…so I managed for over 10 minutes before I passed out and my body yet again took over….haha The doctor was called…he took my mother aside and told her that I would be fine…predicted what eventually happened …that I would pass out…and prescribed her Valium…hahaha He also wished her good luck…he said he had never met such a strong willed child. That is doctor for stubborn I think…haha π Ah well…so that is kinda how and why. I went on to attempt a further 7 times…all unsucessfully…all different…most should have succeeded. Why so many attempts when I wasn’t getting anywhere…because I am stubborn and strong willed. π But after my last attempt in Jan 01 the year I turned 40…I had an incredible NDE…sorry…won’t bore you with details…but now I know that suicide is not an answer…just another question. At first I was angry to be back…but I figured if I couldn’t get out that way…I’d just have to get thru. And I get better and better every day…and my reality gets simpler and simpler. As well…my physical issues and pain levels have come way down…and I laugh more and I smile lots. Sure I have days when I can’t motivate myself to get dressed or eat or smile…but I allow myself time to dwell in my own misery…for up to 2 days and then get back up and try again. I have had a near call myself last December…situational for sure…it was a rough couple of months previously…lots of pain and fear and loss…and it overwhelmed me…to the point that I was thinking anything has to be better than this. And a little voice told me to try one last time…so I sat at my keyboard and googled suicide…and here I am…thanks to some very kind souls on SP…and I am eternally grateful. They brought me back to me when I thought I was lost again. I guess all I am really trying to do is to invite you to stick around for awhile and see if maybe you aren’t as sure of your answer as you would like to be. I know fear when I see it…so you must be in a lot of pain…or emotionally wounded young to be that frustrated…but I won’t force my b.s. down your throat…I am probably not even the best person for you to talk to…I suck at romance stuff and cutting and ana…not saying these are your issues…I don’t know you…but I’m willing to again cross a boundary in order to reach you.
If you decide to leave …know that no matter what happens…I wish you Peace my friend…I wish you Peace of mind…cuz I happen to know that your mind goes with you when you leave. Peace above all else my friend…I just wish you could figure out a way to find it in the hardest school in the universe…being human.
Lots of Love
Amakua
“What is so special about you” – The answer to that is probably lies the other way around. It’s not me so much as you… you are a very kind person that is trying to help me out. You went out of your way against your belief to try and help me out because you realized I was in pain… a feeling you probably know too well yourself (irrelevant of reasons). And more importantly, you are stubborn and strong willed remember? A lot of times things strike us odd or different, but we don’t bother too much to revisit that. In your case, maybe because of your nature you came back again and again because all you want to do is help. For which I am definitely grateful. (again I over analyze stuff so I am probably wrong..)
Regarding the doctor calling you “strong willed child”… lol there’s no way in hell he meant stubborn.. holding your breath for over 10 MINUTES?? And that too just because you wanted to.. without any sort of practice or w.e … that’s just not possible for anyone.. yet you somehow managed to. There’s obviously something about you then.
I personally don’t believe in will power anymore … I believe it’s fully dependent on the chemical balance of the brain … my personal belief is that when in real pain with no relief, everyone drops down to their knees and begs for it to stop.. no matter how “strong” they are. If they can still manage to act indifferent… then it just means their “pleasure” mechanism is offsetting the “pain” .. (I don’t mean anything weird there lol … just like … from the perspective of neurotransmitters .. or w.e it’s called.)
“I always knew where I came fromΓ’β¬Β¦and could sometimes glimpse it” – Really? As in, “place of origin” sort of thing? Or as a metaphor … I mean you were not even 4, what was going on? I am surprised you even understood anything at that time… forget make a decision to hold your breath and die.
And most importantly, tell me about your NDE. Bore me with details? lol if anything that’s probably what I would want to know the most about. I don’t know about the whole “soul” thing … but often I do think about our consciousness as being .. some energy. And that’s what terrifies me… to think that, if that is really the case … you might just be left to wonder for eternity. And possibly suffer…
Sorry for the hell you had to live through .. even before you were given a chance or resources to fight it. And don’t worry about b.s. … to me there is no such thing here. If anything.. any talk is precious to me. I guess you only learn the value of things when you are deprived of them.
Thanks so much for taking the time to write ALL THAT. I was actually happy to read…
PS – @ first I mistakenly judged you as male… don’t ask why.. I am assuming probably coz of the whole “punching bag” thing… Now, I am assuming you are a female. lol I am really sorry if you are actually a guy … but clarify (=
once again … sorry for that …
Hey UserNameUnknown,
I just got to your comment and the phone rang…I don’t want to dash off a random comment without putting some thought into it…give it my full attention if you will..haha…but I have to go out for a couple of hours…someone is on the way to pick me up. Just wanted to let you know that I will be back later on tonight if I can…and I will comment and answer your questions then.
Two quick things though….1 I am an old woman π
2 you said you were happy…even for a moment…and
that makes me happy. π
Hope to catch up with you later
Peace
Amakua
Hello UserNameUnknown,
Are you still here? I am sorry that you think you have lost your will…and that you have decided that you are not in control…that your neurotransmitters are the only culprit. I know my doctor tried the same shit on me. I’m not negating that seratonin, dopamine, etc. are not lacking…but the question is why? They are saying that our brains are not producing enough seratonin…and that is why we are depressed…I say…we are depressed…therefore we are not producing any seratonin. The chemical and hormone issues are a symptom…not the cause. No bandaids for me please…I want to fix the problem. And it turned out that the problem was my thinking.
I don’t like to even try to discuss my NDE here anymore…some people can be …ummm…very disrespectful…because it is not what they want to hear. They want to continue to delude themselves that death is the end…because they need or want it to be…but that doesn’t make it true. I recorded my NDE with IANDS…and noticed that it was picked up and highlighted on the NDERF home site. Either way you can find it…my name is Lori M. and it was posted in I believe 2001. Recently I noticed that it was back on the homepage…so if you want you can google it. I find the whole subject of NDE and OBE fascinating…and more and more people are reporting these types of experiences…and it changes them in ways they couldn’t have imagined before. But now I understand that our mind is not in our physical body…just our brain or computer…and it is accessed by the mind but not part of the mind. So the truth as I experienced it is this…our mind survives our physical death…we lose the physical pain at death…but until we overcome and learn what we came to learn…we will keep coming back…because we want to…atleast until we get here…haha And I for one am riding out this ride…cuz i don’t want to have to do this again…ever. So I am fixing my mind before my physical death…not expecting death to fix my mind. That is all. I also understand that that is my answer and not everyone’s.
When I was 3…I remember laying in the grass and looking up at the sky and feeling homesick. I could see home…but couldn’t get back there…there was like a huge clear bubble separating me from everything and everyone I loved. It was kinda like a soap bubble…moving, shifting, colours. I laid there with tears running into my ears, silently begging…please, please bring me home…I’ll be good…don’t leave me here. I always felt I was here to be punished…and that has been my experience…until recently. Quite honestly…I had everything backwards…but i was only a small child eh?
Do you understand…as much as anyone can…haha…quantum physics? Ever hear of a book or movie called “What the Bleep Do We Know?” It is a good introduction to quantum physics…and yes we are entirely comprised of energy…and we attract energy as well…but what kind of energy are we attracting? That is the big question imo.
I just wish you would keep fighting and looking for your answers…because my answers are not your answers. But I know how much better I feel. I won’t lie and say it was easy…but it was definitely worth it. Mostly I had to quit feeling sorry for myself long enough to start to even look for answers. Good thing I am so stubborn and strong willed eh?
Today I still have traumas to deal with…I am far from “finished” my healing…but I am on my way …slow learner here. But my best coping skills are music, nature, play and laughter…always laughter. But first I had to learn to laugh at myself. Other than a mild tranq for a month or so…I have been on no meds other than medical marijuana for over 12 years. My last psychiatrist told me that I was in such a severe depression that I would never be able to get out myself without the help of meds…but I refused to take them…so he fired me as a patient. Guess what? He was wrong. I took the best drug.
Laughter is a tranquilizer with no side effects!!!
Peace
Amakua
thx for your reply … i’ll get back to you soon. lol i do the same thing .. I can’t just reply quickly .. i need to put enough time and content to make it worth while reading. i even saw your quick post before your last one .. just that half the times i just don’t feel like replying .. because I have so much to say in the back of my head but coz of depression or just feeling like plain old shit I just wait it out till I can sit down for a good amount of time and reply/contribute to almost every part of the convo as much as i can…
MJ is my best friend too … to be honest if I had that right now I would be already out of this (temporarily). It’s the quickest and best Antidepressant to me … it’s just that coz i have no money most of the times and so lately it’s like .. i get some and I am good for a week … being constructive with my life or @least trying … or @LEAST HAPPY… and then im out completely so its like cold turkey. and from my perspective would be fine for the average person (besides the slight shitty feeling and wanting to “get back” with it..) …but with the depression, that’s hell. it’s a quick spiral downfall in just a matter of couple of days… otherwise .. if I had that I would work labour job or w.e doesn’t matter what .. I would live life with bare minimum but I would be happy .. with it i actually love life. Walk outside … by myself doesn’t matter whether @ 10 in the morning or 4 @ night … i have everything i need. That, with music of course. Then I can listen to even the saddest tunes and pretend to be that person that’s miserable and lost everything.. but still “walk on” .. lol.
to me.. the thing with neurotransmitters .. i see it as a cycle. esp with depression, it’s a vicious cycle. yea it’s true the brain doesn’t produce enough (esp serotonin) when you’re in actual depression (the illness) … and it’s true that you can very well influence them in to being produced (esp with positive thinking and exercise ..) .. but that’s half the battle right. once you’re already way down there, you want it to end. those little differences that you can bring .. to me that’s awesome for the average person that’s not feeling too well … take a jog or something and you’ll most likely feel better. in my case it’s a trap (well in every1’s case..) .. i can barely force myself to eat, forget go out and walk or even play some games on computer (which i used to love to do no matter wha my mood .. around 6-7 years ago) …
yea i understand quantam physics .. though only @ a quantam level lol (bad joke move on..) .. only coz i nver read it much… otherwise I am quite technical in general (like as in with meds, or neurotransmitters n’ stuff.. n’ sciences in general)… but yea i am very much inclined to think that our thoughts are energy .. not just actual electrical impulses between neuron connections … that’s what terrifies me just as much as the pain incase i die now … it’s lonely enough with people around .. i can only imagine the hell that awaits without anyone. i don’t mind having to come back again and start over … to me i’d rather have that in hopes that most likely i won’t remembr a thing about this life .. and that somewhere somethings will be different … either events or actions or resources or w.e…. and that might lead to a different life. then im’ all in for “realization” and what not … and trying to figure out life and life after death … i only wish she was still with me … it kills. trying 2 pretend its ok or it will be ok (even if it really will be ..)… god is such a dick if he exists … its not fair .. 4get fair it’s downright hell…
sry someone is here .. i’ll be back soon real sry
I’m waiting!!! hahaha Just yanking your chain a bit. π
Ama
hey amakua,
sorry couldn’t reply for a day or two … i had “borrowed” my dad’s harddrive (without his permission ofc) coz mine was dead .. and he just realized that a few days ago .. he had a laptop before so he didn’t use the his pc. he’s been bugging me since days to fix it so i had to do that and borrow some1 else’s harddrive for now… soo took a day or so
old woman? lol hardly seems like that from your replies … you can say 51 years old but u can’t say old. (= .. if nething you’re one of those “angels” on this board … i see you helping out others as well which is more than anything i can say for anyone I know in my life (including “god”)
yea that comment did make me happy. thanks again for that. i appreciate it…
if possible* let me know if you can give me your email … so i can ask you a few things here n’ there. i won’t bug u much @ all .. just that like u said .. can’t talk about somethings on here. that’s all
you experienced something quite extraordinary there .. with your NDE. when i was younger, I used to get BARELY get OBE’s … which @ first was frightening coz i didn’t get a full blown OBE .. i was still half stuck in my body and it was more of those … sleep paralysis thing. and during those instances if i tried hard and focussed I could try and “influence” it to become an OBE .. but not for long. @ the most i’d be floating right beside me but less than a minute or two i would either wake up or fall asleep. which sucked… over the years I tried to get that back … but it’s nver happened since many years now.
tell me something … we don’t ALL necessarily stay conscious after death do we? (from your perspective) … if we do tell me a lie and make me feel better lol
Hello Usernameunknown,
That, with music of course. Then I can listen to even the saddest tunes and pretend to be that person thatΓ’β¬β’s miserable and lost everything.. but still Γ’β¬Εwalk onΓ’β¬Β .. lol.
Not sure why yet…but this really struck a chord with me. I’m sure I’ll figure it out eventually…haha…but yeah…I liked this.
I hear you about the MJ…it doesn’t work like that for me anymore unfortunately…but then my mind already is conditioned to think that way anyway. No one really knows anymore when I smoke…because if I’m out…I’m high already. That is gonna sound weird…hahaha π What I think I’m trying to say is….I’m permastoned but I don’t really have to smoke anymore….hahaha. I used the weed not to avoid unpleasant feelings and thoughts…but to explore them. I know…kinda backwards..but that’s me. The prescription is for pain…physical pain. I hate taking my medicine…so I found an alternative way of thinking of it…and I used it to heal my mind…not escape from pain. Interesting thing happened…I now smoke less…my mind is much clearer…sometimes π …and the physical pain has come way, way down. Then…now that I am out of so much pain…my mind becomes even clearer again. And yes my pain levels are way down even though the physical causes are still there…weird.
Someone here once shared a link to a video of doctors in China healing a woman with unoperable bladder cancer I believe…using no medications. They used emotion to heal her…and you get to watch the physiological changes in a split screen…weird. I believe the emotion or thought they were using was “It is already done” If you’re interested…perhaps you can google what little info I gave you and find it? I dunno.
I found it interesting that you could be satisfied with MJ, a labour job and nature. I’m also not sure what is stopping you…sorry…but then I don’t know your circumstances…just saying…growing my own has been a trip…hahaha. I am now poor…the poorest ever…but I am altogether happier…the only thing that would make me happier…would be to have my physical health back enough that I could do more mindless labour…hahaha…should be called mind-freeing labour, and that I had a magic wand to heal the world…simple eh?…hahaha But I’m a workin on it fer sure. π Myself I live a lifestyle of voluntary simplicity…it has just gotten simpler…haha…but if this lifestyle appeals to you…perhaps you should check it out?
When my daughter wakes up…I’ll see if she can post the picture her friends took of our Xmas branch…ahahaha You’ll quickly see that I am being very honest about my lifestyle…hahaha I find I am much more SATISFIED with my life…that is all.
There is one other reason the MJ was prescribed…perhaps THE reason. I once went to my doctor who had prescribed…to ask for help to quit…I really hate being dependent on anything…and frequently go days without…in an attempt to show myself I still can. She refused…said that in her opinion it was the only thing keeping me alive…keeping my eating and sleeping. I sometimes get so caught up that I forget to eat or sleep…because one of the effects of my illness…I have no natural appetite even though my metabolism is off the charts..and my circadian rhythmns are screwed by any change in routine…like I have to create my own circadian rhythmn. I will admit I still get depressed…but the most it lasts now is 3 days…and I can do three days of anything…hahaha
“yea i understand quantam physics .. though only @ a quantam level lol ”
this made me chuckle…hahaha and then I smacked my brow…deep…hahaha But I suppose that you do understand quantum physics at the quantum level…of you…but that’s not who I am speaking to…now is it?….hmmm lol You should maybe check that movie out I suggested…What the Bleep do We Know? I believe it stars Marlee Matlin…and I know it is available in full on you tube. Your choice. I also understand your scientific interest in your own condition..ie. neurotransmitters and such…so maybe you should check out the link between the amygdala and the anterior cingulate…interesting…at least I think so.
I will save the NDE and OBE talk for the most part for email if you wish…but just know that I suck at email…ask anyone. Either too much or not enough…ahaha
But you have my email…it is posted when I comment on your post. In case you don’t know how to find it…I didn’t either at first…it is my user name @ hotmail.ca
Just laughing a bit…your god is a dick comment…hahaha Next time you are looking in the mirror…why not just let God know what you think of him when you’re looking right at him? π
I’m itching to discuss your “almost” OBE’s…but for now will just say…isn’t astral travel cool? you just need to work on your landings…haha
Do we all stay conscious after death? Well we really are only conciousness manifested in physical reality…so yep…I’m afraid so. But those who die under traumatic experiences are immediately placed in an altered state of consciousness…and only made to deal with things as they are healed…not much different than this reality…but yes…you will never get away from you…so fix you…it is possible. The sad part is that when we come back to finish…we have no conscious memory of our previous existence for the most part…but it still affects us on a deeper conscious level…we are just unaware when we are human. The best explanation I have seen so far of what we experience at death is a video by a woman named Anita Moorjani…she was also a contributor on the sites I mentioned earlier IANDS and NDERF…but her story is amazing. You can google her name if you are interested. Okay no more oogedy boogedy. After all … we are not humans having a spiritual experience…we are Spirit having a human experience.
Just got to the last part….ummm…delete the above…no dear…there is no consciousness after physical death…sorry…hahahaha…lying…not so easy. π
I hope you can find some JOY and HOPE this holiday season
Peace my friend
Ama
Hi Amakua,
Sorry a lot of shit has been piling up lately.. N I’m avoiding most of it. So lately I’ve had no peace of mind . I would like to reply right now but I can’t so sorry about that. Thanks for your previous reply.. I’ll reply to that soon enough
Take care of yourself Ama