When I was 7 y.o.,I am 45 now,a deer in a full sprint almost ran me over during a walk I took along a path during a family reunion in a Pennsylvania park.I could feel the course hair rub up against my stomach.So close to death,but not near enough so that I would of had the “eternal bliss’ that would of been  given me.When  I was an evangelical christian ,I thought that God had a special purpose for my life because of this incident.What a foolish thing to believe on my part.I wish that I was 2 more inches ahead so that deer would of wasted […]
Why cant things be like they were when I wasn’t depressed. When j could have worry free fun with friends. When I could be care free. When both me and my friends were happy? On the bus today I was asked who I like better, my abusive ex-stepfather or my verbally abusive psychotic mother. I picked my stepfather in an instant. That answer didn’t even shock me. I’m not sure why. It should. Either way life is hell and its not getting better. But does anyone care to help me? No.
ive been doing some thinking lately, which isnt really normal for me. im usually impulsive, which isnt good since its got me where im at today.
but i dont really think im suicidal, more like i just want to stop existing in this world. and the only way to escape it is to die. but i think i would still be the same way i am now, even if life had dealt me a different hand. i would always feel lonely, even if i was surrounded by people. i just feel like im different, everything im into or not into doesnt fit the fold. everything i […]
I’ve been thinking about you today. How are you doing? How was your day? Were you able to talk to your kids today? Stay strong!
I think i will get Him Finding Nemo on Bluray, Fruit Gum, Gushers, Cross Necklace and all of those other little things i know you like to get.
I can write you letter.. like the one you wrote me..
I will mail it all to your house so you can see where i still stand.
Ill write out little inside jokes.. the secret things we knew about one another.. <3 😉
I wouldnt sign my name.. just hope that you got it and you knew who it was from..
and maybe you would even call to say thanks..
Why can’t I work up the goddamn courage? I want so badly to pick up my razor blades and cut away the pain, but all I can produce is a wimpy ass tiny nick because I’m too damn afraid.
I want so badly to take that bottle of pills and swallow them all, but whenever I’m alone I’m either too scared, or I’m crying too hard to unscrew the goddamn lid. I want to vent, but nobody wants to listen any more. It’s one thing to type it to complete strangers, it’s another entirely to tell the story of a thousand tears to my friend. Apparantly […]
I look at your twitter; the old tweets you tweeted.
I know Your favorite things.
From Your favorite baseball team, to Your favorite meal.
Babe Your voice, still it rings.
I know what You say
I know how You feel.
Boy there is no way that You and I can’t be
we’re so close to perfect for eachother..
Yes We had our problems..
but everytime We fixed it
Things got even better!
I know everything about You
Where You want to live, the name of Your first born son.
If only she knew
About the days that you almost ran.
Sweetheart, can’t You see?
You and I are meant to be.
The puppy You’ll get, the life you plan to leave.
You saved […]
has anyone heard of it, i was diagnosed years ago and i was just wondering how common it is
i think that it is very sad to see people going through these rough times in their life and i can relate because im one of them. my name is faith and this is my real story. my depression started when my parents put down my dog, they didnt realize how strong my connection with her was. after that my depression got worse and i resorted to cutting and trying to kill myself. i wasnt happy anymore i wasnt that happy little girl who loved life and would help everyone else before herself. the only part of that little girl that is still alive is […]
I’m so over this! I can’t believe the things you say sometimes. I thought we were friends before this week, I even liked you most of the time unlike everyone else. Every time everyone else would be talking about how annoying you are and how much they hated you I never joined in, because I thought we were ok. I tried so Damn hard to be friends with you, and to answer your questions about religion but apparently nothing I did matters at all! I hate you so much right now! When you say things like, “Aspen and Makell are the ones that helped me the most,” […]
I love you too <3
Where Help is an illusion… LewisGale Medical Center
1900 Electric Road
Salem, VA 24153
(540) 776-4000
If you do not have health insurance, you need to know the following before calling a hotline or asking for help.
You may be sent to a hospital against your will. You are placed in handcuffs and possibly shackles. Your life will continue to get worse. Hospitals are businesses and want lots of money. The stay is about $2000 a day, not including doctor fees. You pay more than the negotiated rates of insurance companies. You want to die. A five […]
This is what I want, true love.
This morning I’m outside sweeping away puddles of water off the concrete court, even though it is still raining and the puddles reforming. I do my best to ignore the obvious pointlessness of the work, and keep telling myself: sweeping is a legitimate job, people sweep for a living, so what’s the problem, keep sweeping.
I miss you so much. Sometimes we live because we want to. Sometimes we live because we have to. Today, I’m going through the motions of life for you. Ostracism. A fittingly ugly word for an equally ugly thing.
I’m seriously low right now.
please tell me something fun,lovely.. positive. please.
Fuck it. Every fucking day starts out like this.
Wake up. Wait for my ***** ass mom to get fucking ready for work so she can drive me to school.
Fucking school. All my teachers are dirty 80 year old cunts who fuck up people’s eardrums with their bullshit.
Next shitty period. Im sitting with my friend and somebody goes “HA, Jason sucks dick!” and everybody laughs.
I go the hell home. My mom yells at me for fucking up in school. My grades suck, and her job is never done until she makes my life even fucking worse than it already is.
I go to karate. My instructor […]
Why? Just why, is it that it’s always the same thing that happens over and over and over? People just constantly use me and never for a second take into consideration what I do for them? I’m sick of always being the one looking after everyone. The one who’s always there. The one who’s never appreciated, not even for a second. Everyone just always takes me for an absolute fool. I’m sick of it. I really am. I’d love just for a while if people could actually see how lonely I really am. Just how shit everything really is. But no one could be bothered […]
I dunno if there is, if I am honest I never thought there is. The only issue is that if there is no afterlife then my baby isn’t there and can’t forgive me. But if there is an afterlife then my baby might be there and I can go and be with my little one.
I want to be with my baby. I want to be forgiven for what I did! I feel like I can’t move on until I’m forgiven.
All I want is one person who truly cares. One person who won’t leave me when someone “cooler” comes along. One person who will support me no matter what. One person who will make my life worth living. Until then I guess i’m stuck holding in all of my emotions and trying to cope with them by cutting and smoking. -_-