I am ready to do it. I am not afraid of death. The only thing stopping me is how much it would hurt my parents.

But it’s my life. It’s my decision.

like a porcelain doll thrown from 23 stories, i think i’d just crack open or maybe shatter. everyone would see how empty i was.

i cannot possibly be human, feeling like just a shell.

strung up by my hands and feet there is a point of a knife pointed and the soft part of my neck/throat.  It takes all of my effort not to lean forward and be pierced and have it all end.

Words and whispers I can’t get to leave my head

The voices call; they want me dead
The asylum grows closer as I grow colder and the threat of pills stays my hand’s blade
One more mistake is all it takes to send me back, and kill my hopes of moving forward.
 My school work, my  job, it’ll all be over.
 Medicines will consume me, taking over my mind.
No longer will I find pleasure in writing lines or playing rhythms, the ability lost in the crusade of science and therapy.
Trust will be dismissed, me reverting to the life of a prisoner for two weeks then a man on probation for […]

I feel ready to just give up, call it quits, throw in the towel.

I just cant seem to find any sort of purpose to this struggle,

Day in day out, it never ends.

It gets harder and harder to get out of bed every morning,

just the effort of standing exhausts me,

this isn’t living free.

I’m fed up with letting everyone down,

they give me compliments, praise me, say theyre proud,

but they can do better than me.

Deserve better.

Driving home tonight i just wanted to hit a semi or the nearest building.

Just to end it all, get rid of the pain, the memories and the fuck ups.

So everyone could just move […]

I’m not making this a rant but,
Maybe I don’t matter
Not many seem to care
I love the ones that do
But I think I maybe losin the ones that used to
My best friend has saved my life too many times I love him for that but i dont know am I his best friend, sometimes I just feel replaced. Fuck my friends say I look like a doll cuz my eyes look like I’m made of glass I’m probably easy to replace/: I thought I meant a lot to my best friend but I guess I’m wrong/:

Well I’m bored. If anyone wants to talk bout anything txt me
914-820-8763. (:

I’m not anti social, but I am afraid of social situations.  I don’t really fit in to any social “click” at college, and if I could choose one to be in I don’t really know which I would.  This has left me a friendless, loveless, passionless loser.  I fear that if I attempt to be social and try to meet new people and do new things, I will not be accepted, but rejected and cast aside.  The thought of trying to talk to someone about this is terrifying.  I would talk to family or a friend about this, but anyone I tell would certainly be […]

How many times have you used the excuse “I’m just tired?”

How many times have you cried yourself to sleep?

How many times have you told someone you’re fine but clearly you weren’t?

How many times have you smiled all though it wasn’t real?

Hey every one it’s me n770 and I would just like to say to any one who wants to kill themselves  why o u guys what to kill yourselves that bad I mean what is the reason to kill yourselves if u can tell me that then I can todaly under stand how u guys feel cause its my friend and she sayid that I don’t understand what she is going  through  so can someone please help me????!!!!!

Nobody cares when you sit there silent
Nobody cares when you’re on the verge of tears
Nobody cares if you’re okay or not
Nobody cares about what is wrong with you
Nobody cares that you have cuts on your wrists
Nobody cares about what’ve you’ve been through
Nobody cares about your life, only their own

my bestfriend was really fucked up today. she had an anxiety attack and i hauled ass to her house to make sure she was alive. half way there she calls me and tells me that she just picked up by her friend. so i turned around and went to dance.

i was thinking about her alot, so i wasnt focused very well.

im sooooo tired and sore.

too much school work.

dance is going fucking crazy right now.

i dont have time to do anything anymore.. that is if i want to have any down time at all… which i dont think ill be getting any down time anymore…

Ughh.

Todays stress…..

There’s so much pain in this place. I thought I’d write something at least a little hopeful (if still bitter and morbid) [and as an afterthought, clumsily worded].

Dear Lemon,

I haven’t really, truly trusted anyone in a long time. Sure, I trust people to do work-related things, but I’ve never trusted anyone to care. My doubt has always been one-sided – questioning the potential goodwill of others, but never the “malice”.

I realized that’s why it’s been so hard for me to be alone. Whenever you “blow me off”, or fail to speak to me for more than a day, I immediately start wondering if our friendship […]

When I was younger I thought that one day prince charming would sweep my off my feet, and when I got older my parents would give me away to the man I loved with smiles on their faces. But I know now that my prince charming is death, and when my parents give me away to the thing I so longingly call upon their smiles will turn to tears, and they will fade into the sea of blackness behind them.

I am afraid of people.

I am trying to overcome this fear.

Right now I can only manage to pretend to be a silly clown and make sure each and every person I meet will laugh or smile and think of me not as a threat. I run away from any type of confrontation, I am afraid of raised hands, I am afraid of small spaces and the idea of not being able to escape from a place, a deal, a promise, a contract. I am afraid of men I do not know, men who are not happily married, teenage boys that look like men. I am afraid […]

I keep quiet, and smile.

Pretend I am okay

I laugh and joke around

And no one ever notices.

I am breaking inside,

tearing as easy as paper.

Why does no one

try to tape me back together ..

I wish I could just escape from the world. Live in my own little wonderland. I use to be free in my dreams, but now my dreams are almost as bad as reality. I feel trapped I can’t get out. I need a friend to rescue me. The only friend I have now is my blade, but even she gets sick of me at times.

I am ready to go – I have been for a very long time. I have been tortured, abused, and am so old, fat, ugly and stupid that not one man on this planet would look twice at me. I have lost one home and am getting ready to lose another. I lost a job I absolutely treasured in May – when that happened, I lost my career, my hopes, my dreams, and all of my friends (they were all at work). I cry every day I have to go to my new job, which I hate… I am grateful to have a job but […]

I don’t know. I should be content with myself. I’m well educated, have a great job, make a good salary, even have some nice friends. But there is one thing missing: LOVE. With the age of 34, I never felt love and I never felt loved. Never felt the joy of being with someone, never felt the pain missing someone. They say, if you don’t know it, you can’t miss it. Nonsense. I miss it every day, miss it every day more. I wonder how much longer I can take it.

bombs arc through the air
and burst on the ground
on roofs, on the houses
on the people hell-bound.

The city is burning
and peace that they’re yearning
dissipate into the night
and wither from sight

the mothers are singing
rocking their children to rest
as the chaos erupts
and sins are soon blessed

The gods turn to demons
and dance to the tune
of the death and the dying
and the promised, sweet doom.

A mother buries her child
among the debris
a candle burns softly
as it’s set off to sea

she cries to the silence
to the cold metal giants
falls to her knees
and then whispers […]

i’m just exhausted. for years it’s been nothing but hell. i’m pathetic and weak and my family is too poor to feed me and i don’t own any clothing except the one pair of jeans and sweatshirt i wear every single day… i’m disabled and i’m not capable of working and i’m abused and just so tired. when does it end. i have an extension cord noose around my neck and it’s tied to my bed post and if i jump out my window now it will just end. i just wanted to share. i don’t want to die but i can’t live anymore. i’m […]