I don’t know where to begin but I’m just going to JumpStart. My step dad just had a stroke and my moms spending every night at the hospital for a month. She says that he needs her and that I don’t and that seeing her for an hour is enough. My sister has anger issues and she usually takes it out on me and tells me so much stuff that I wish I hadn’t herd like her abortion. My mom and my sister are always yelling in front of me and it gets brutal. I see my normal dad once a year and I don’t […]

OK, so I’ve been away for a bit. Today is my first real day back in the office. And I was dreading it like any other day.

It’s been a while since I posted here. Last time I posted some stuff about earlier this year when my parents were separating and I was still living at home.

A lot happened since then. Overall, it’s been a pretty bizarre year.

It was shortly after I posted my last post that things got really bad at home and I couldn’t stay there anymore. For a couple of weeks, all I had was a bag full of clothes. I’d show up […]

I’m feeling so used right now.. Lonely & rather depressed.. You use me.. I let you do things I regret in so many ways.. I wanted to feel loved, you said ‘my friend begged me’ so you can hurt me? Fuck you . You asshole… :”( get out of here with those bullshit excuses!
Honestly…
Goodbye Black butterfly..

Well.. Have been packing for a bit.. Don’t know where I’m gunna go at this point. My mother like fucking hates me.. So yeah.. She took basically all my stuff out of my room and threw it away.. Just because it want to come home tf? I’m sorry I don’t feel welcome in this dang family! Probably gunna be leaving tomorrow to get my shit and go.. I have no cluebwhere my money is? What now? I don’t want to stay here I’m scared.. And sad…

That is very contrast.
Suicide and Catholic?
I go to church every sunday, I attend the mass as much as I could. I am a very good catholic, am I?
Still I am a suicidal.
I tried to commit suicide for like 10 times or something? I ended up 3 times in the emergency room, 2 times in ICU. But still, I am alive.
Everybody say, God doesn’t want you to die, yeah, right.
I have been suffered from major depression disorder, mean been taking medicine for the last 5 years. That doesn’t help a lot, I guess. I still feel depress and wanna commit […]

so the last 3 years i have had an illness and its the most excrutinatining pain you could ever think of, my family dont care about me and i have no friends. im worthless and stupid and death is my only answer. i just wish at least one person will care but no one does. the posts my mum made when i was in a coma was her trying to get people to think she was a caring person but in reality shes not. i have been battling this by myself and i have never had any help what so ever. i give up. i […]

Three times I rewrote it. 
Then I cut. Deep. I watched my blood flow with complete serenity. 
That wouldn’t kill me, but the collection of pills by my bed surely would. This time I had more than enough. I wouldn’t fail this time. 
This is it. 
Then I remembered her face. That look of pure terror she wore as she died. As I watched her kill herself. Can I really do this?

i feel so alone 🙁

so used so unwanted

I’ve got everything planned, but I’m scared of surviving. I can’t take this life anymore. I hate being this depressed not being able to find that light at the end of the tunnel. I am dying  from inside. I need to get out of this world!

My wife and I have been apart for a year now because of her crazy thoughts.i loved her very much and always will. I was in a very dark place for a good few months and we weren’t even speaking.from having a normal family life one minute and then having taken away without rational reason the next nearly destroyed me but I finally started to get my head around it and then we started speaking again which was good. I know we won’t be together any more and finally excepted that about four months ago.she has since told me she believes I am the father […]

I feel so guilty. I have a partner and I am in love with my partner. I’m so happy with him, and I get these butterflies whenever I see him, and I’m so happy. I barely see him though. Which I don’t mind as much, but It’s still a little lonesome. Now. Why I feel guilty? Well. I like someone else. I hate it so much. I haven’t acted upon anything but I do, I completely and utterly like this person In my cast. He’s the stage manager, Simon. I’m so mad at myself for liking him. I hate myself even more. I feel so […]

If there is one thing you know to be true,
It is that you have no one.

Your friends forget about you.
Your parents blame you.
Your sister is sick of you.

And, hell, you would hate yourself too.
You do.

And here you are, all alone.
And its getting harder and harder to ignore that.

You can’t pretend any more.

Which is okay.

You figure, if someone notices, they’ll pay attention.
They’ll stop ignoring you.

And maybe you won’t be so goddamn lonely all the time.

Well i think i might have found the light again….

Ive been talking to this guy and he seams to not want to hurt me like the others he wants to make me feel special…

hes made me want to get better and put down the razor, but im not quit there yet.

im still afraide…. afraide that its all a lie and sooner or later he’ll pull back the curtain and reveal the evil thats in everyone and that he was just playing me or something.

he says he wont and i want to believe him with […]