I’m so sick of hurting- fybromyalgia; degenerative disc disease,arthritis…. no doctors help- they are fearful pussies in my experience. No more money for another, and another “doctor” appt. Four bottles of tylenol- that should finish it. Fuck you fearful doctors who are afraid to prescribe. Check out the UK opiate program- a civilized program. I would like to hike and ride my horses, but I can’t anymore. I’m done. All mds and gps take heed. I have to end it all because you are too afraid.

I’d like to thank everyone who took the time to read my posts and was nice enough to comment with advice it really means a lot to me because I feel like what I say matters. I’ve had something that has been bothering me for the past few days that I need to let out. I’ve been frustrated with my situation lately because I’m just upset that the kids my age are enjoying themselves and I’m being tortured by my thoughts, I don’t mean to complain but I’ve watched a year go by like this and it just makes me feel so alone in my […]

I just wrote in here a few time before. I just recently was dealt a huge blow my husband asked for a divorce bc he didnt feel like our relationship was going anywhere positive. I packed all my stuff n he helped and moved back home. It’s been a week, today is my birthday. He didn’t even bother to call or text. I’m hurt. I am so upset. I’m trying to stay positive but the hurt the loneliness its killing me inside. I hate that I miss n want him but I can’t help my feelings. I also hate him for not reaching out to […]

Walking through the halls
Glancing only at profiles
Never look em in the eyes
So why do I even own a mobile?

If anyone ever got to know me
They’d know im not such a bad guy
Im just like everyone else homie
Except, oh yeah, I wanna die

Is that was this is all about?
You people feeling weird?
You getting a tingling in your tummy
And an ichin in your beard?

Well don’t worry that’s normal.
Just not for someone who was built.
Like you.
My friend, that not-so-friendly feeling is guilt.
It’s true.

Now I can name names
And I can point fingers all day
But that […]

its been a while since ive been online. not a lot has happened. but im getting worst. me and my bf broke up, and there is this girl i just wanna kill. me and my best friend are fighting and ive got no sleep in about a week. im going crazy. i run away a lot during the day and sometimes at night. i think about death more and more. i just wanna die. before they were just thoughts but now it is serious. self harm- if i cut my wrist and hope to hit a vein, it will take hours of painful death until […]

Hoping for the best

Ready for the worst.

Death is easy

Life is hard.

Knowing’s painful

Ignorance is bliss.

I cut again for the first time in months. I forgot how good it feels.

I know that is a bad thing but I can’t stop think about how good it feels.

Putting the laws of physics aside I have the perfect suicide plan. I need a time machine to terminate my life before it mattered to someone else. I am sure this idea has been written down a thousand times before, but it would be an awesome act.  I would simply stop my own existence from occurring. I would avoid the gory mess.  I would have no people devastated from my selfish act.  I would simply fade into the grey that never existed in the first place. I think sometimes the only thing that stops me from getting a gun and doing it is my mom, […]

People here are like people anywhere.

They’ll definitely jump in with the hate and (wildly ignorant) judgement. They know the results on themselves (and that they care about), but as long as they get their time on top of the pile with the group with someone unable to defend themself at the bottom (because they’re not there), they’re happy for a while.

When you defend the person who can’t defend themselves, they’ll push back angrily. Then they’ll accuse you of doing what they started doing, and feel no shame in doing so whatsoever. Because honesty will never win out over group bullying and status games.

By the way, […]

I hate him.
I hate his stupid smile.
I hate his fucking dimples.
I hate his muscly arms, his toned torso and his thighs and calves,
I hate the way my tummy flips when i think about his voice,
I hate his fucking voice, how soothing it is, how it makes me want to dance every time i hear it
I hate how much he makes me laugh and smile, how he understood my humour when no one else did
I hate how comfortable yet on edge i felt around him, like flying in the air but being spun around at the same time
I […]

How nice it would be,
to end naturally.
no pills, no razors, no rope.
When you just want to end,
as you’ve given up hope.
I don’t have the strength to do it myself,
but yet I have a good life and perfect health.
It seems I will have to keep living,
whether I want to or not.
Suicidal thoughts must be forgot.

All it takes is a car,
or a bus or a train.
To finish my life, to end all my pain.
Then no one could say that I was weak,
all they know is my life had reached its peak.
My family would be sad but […]

I feel literally sick. I’m so tired, so very tired, but I can’t sleep. I’ve basically given up, I’ve just been going through the motions each day. I’m an intelligent person, I know this feeling will pass. It will also return. I guess in a way I like this misery, I hold onto it because it is the only thing in life I can count on. The world is mean and unpredictable, simple as that. I am unhappy, don’t know why. Perhaps it is my intelligence that torments me. I am not so vain as to say I’m terribly smart, heck, I’m failing every class […]

There is no goal that I have yet to discover that would possibly seem realistic, rational or even in the name of “good” whether that be for myself or for others, that would compel me to keep living.. I have never particularly strived to improve the quality of life for others so it is only selfish and hypocritical of me to complain about my own degraded, dull, lifeless existence.

The criteria and fulfillment that many people seem to have and encourage hold no meaning to me. I don’t see the motives or reason behind such actions or choices that would justify its rationality. One of these […]

I really want to die. Maybe bleach would work. Or. Drowing. or a combination of the two. Hmm.
I could put something heavy over my head in the bathtub and try to drown myself there. Maybe.

I cant do this anymore.

can things actually work out to be okay..

I have got nothing left in my fight against the miseries of my life. I’ve tried everything, counselling, anti-depressants, keeping fit, keeping working, eating healthy, going to support groups etc. But nothing is going to make up for the losses I’ve suffered in my life – my childhood, my dreams, feeling loved and supported growing up….

I was molested by my brother and beaten up and bullied by him from as early as I can remember, right through until I was 15 and he left home. My parents were barely on speaking terms for most of my life and lived on separate sides of the house until […]

About 3/4 Months ago my my girlfriend of the time got pregnant (it was mine) and we had an abortion. We decided that we we were too young and as we were both starting careers we decided it was the better thing (or this is what we told ourselves afterwards). The truth is there was no discussion, when she found it she text me to say she was pregnant then next thing i know she was on her way to the doctor and had started proceedings. After the abortion we kind of stopped talking like we used to and became really depressed, we stopped having […]

Since the beginning of Year 10 I’ve been thinking a lot about ending my life, for a lot of reasons. Since I began to put on weight, I’ve heard about it none stop. I’ve been both mentally and physically hated against, due to how I look/think. It isn’t just school that’s been effecting me, my home life has too. My mother doesn’t understand what I’m going through, and constantly chooses to put me under pressure and judge me for what I do and how I act. Recently I’ve come out as bisexual, and my mother doesn’t accept me for who I am, always putting me […]