I don’t get it….does anyone listen? Even for a second of what I am saying? I don’t know, wait yeah I do and now that I think of it no one understand what I am trying to say…Okay let me spell this out, I am hurt! I-A-M-H-U-R-T. My heart has been shattered and I want it fixed back. There, I got it out…I said it.
I need that friend….One that is willing to listen no matter how bad the problem may be, that won’t leave me alone for a week to worry about and will talk to me when I still need them, I need someone that is willing to trust me and won’t feel they are getting to close to me, I need that friend that will sit there and listen and won’t try to give me advice. I need someone who is real and won’t lie to me no matter how badly it may hurt me…I just need a friend…that will notice me, and care about me, and […]
WHY WHY WHY
why try to help everyone? It takes my mind off things i feel better to a extent,
though i noticed when im the one feeling alone the most…..out of all my ‘friends’
there is not a single one who is willing or i feel can help me ..
NOT ONE!
I just want one of them to ask me if im okay instead of being selfish,
i ask them if they r okay ..they tell me there problems i try my utmost best to help..but all is in vain because
i cannot solve the world, i cant perform miracles if i could i would…but i can’t
…………..
my family recently found […]
tonight feels like the night. everything is at its worst. I must go to school tomorrow, face sitting alone and all the people who have turned on me during this short holiday. I don’t want to go back… i dont want to be here anymore, im doing no good being here, im worthless.. tonight may be the night… i attempt.
i love you all.
I really don’t know how to start this,
I fell in love with a girl i couldn’t call my own. We had all these plans like getting married and all this. She was the one i want and she still is. She quit talking to me for about a minth. And i fell apart. I started cutting after not doing it for a year. She didn’t leave my mind. She was always there, we talked 24/7. And the thoughts lingered in my head and they never leave. She left without saying goodbye. I wrote her and she replied a week later. Saying […]
Why is it that the girl i love the most either helps me out of my depressions, or brings me to my knees? And also random question (sorry ADD) but why can some birds fly and others can’t?
Why I must I fuck up in the tiniest way, and lose friends over it? I just don’t understand why people can’t take jokes. In the end I end up all alone anyway, so whats the fucking point of existing when no one wants me included in their life?  And then when i’m finally excepted, I fuck it up? And because they have more friends, they dont give 2 shits about  what happens because they have a back up plan. But me? I may have about 1 friend, and I’ve just lost them, over some stupid tripping incident which narrows it down to I AM […]
I do believe I’ve begun to talk to myself as if someone else is there. I’m talking to a pretend someone who will help me with my problems. Except I woke up last night on the verge of a panic attack with just an aching feeling of grief and loneliness, hopelessness, worthlessness. I just moaned and threw myself around in circles because no matter what, the aching never left
Okay so I won’t tell you my name just incase someone reading this knows me. I randomly found this website just before searching up suicide things on google. Anyway I am a seventeen year old girl living in New Zealand. I have been diagnosed with depression by a doctor and people tell me all the time they think I suffer from other disorders like bipolar and OCD and others like that.
I have three half-brothers and one half-sister as well as a full sister. I have met two of my half-brothers about three time. My other half-brother and my half-sister don’t even know that I exist. […]
I think I’ve figured it out.
Praying for one’s own death:
“No, ones own death is not (always) a bad thing to pray for.”
I say qualified because death in and of itself is not a worthwhile goal but what comes with death could be a desirable goal if one is in a state of grace.
If death is understood to to mean an end of pain and suffering, then that is not a bad thing to pray for.
If death is meant as the entrance into eternal life then that would be a good thing to pray for.
If death is meant as […]
Growing up in mexico was hard :/ …I am 15 now I have a sister that is 14 && 2 brothers younger than me, one is 10 the other one is 4 ..Being the oldest is ALOT ! When I was 6 I had to start babysitting a new born ..My mom was never there ,My dad left us when I was 4,He was a dam drunk & I fucking hate him for those two reasons..I was sexually abused by my uncle when I was 4 but I still talk to him like nothing happened D; .. I never had a childhood …i was always […]
im sorry for what i put you guys through
im sorry for the things i say
im sorry im the reason you guys hate coming home
im sorry i call you guys names, i wish every time i could take it back because you dont deserve that
im sorry i cant control my anger
i want you guys to be happy.
i realize now the way that could happen is if im gone.
mom. I know you think i dont appreciate you. I do. i feel like a failure
i should have showed you more respect.you didnt deserve the things i said to you
i was a […]
I recently started taking high doses  of Lortab,and I take about 4 or 5. Damn, Its nice. Its like all the voices stop for a couple hours and I can just enjoy the silence. The come down is horrible. Its not the pills its the fact that I am addicted to medicine I shouldn’t even be taking. Now Im stuck thinking about what happens when I run out. I wish I would never taken those wonderful fucking horrible things.Now the shame sets in , and that makes me want to take some that much more
Right now? What am i doing? Crying my eyes out, All 3 of you fucked me over.. I hope your glad; P; why would you listen to her? T; You just wanted sex, didn’t you? & D; You totally messed with my heart.. I hope your happy.. K; Fuck with you, Your an asshole and used me! … I finally broke after 3 months so much to take in, the blood everywhere, now what? I know i can’t kill myself.. I’m afraid.. of you…
Now you say us kissing was wrong? kay. cool. You kissed me..
Bye guys. Thanks for everything. Especially AtTheEnd and AbstractThought.
I don’t really have the energy to tell you why I’m leaving. Most of my philosophical reasons are in my previous posts, especially the one titled “Thanks and Goodbye.” I’m tired of the pain that won’t go away. I’m tired of this monotonous life that will only get more pointless and boring. I’m tired of seeing everyone suffer for nothing.
I waited. I tried. And life did not improve. The memories will not fade. And the pain is always with me. Nothing matters. Everything is so pointless.
I’m sorry guys. I just wanted to thank all of you for […]
I went on SP chat to see if there was anyone I recognized..
Guess what! I’m silenced!
I guess saying that I want support for wanting to die is too instigating, and being against the mainstream suicide wannabes means my voice needs to be crushed.
Hahahaha, what’s new with the world?
Amakua, you were the one who first helped to keep me sane, okay temporary sanity, lol, VS the “insanity I was feeling.” Life continues to spiral, and become more messed up everyday. I remember you, Goodgirl, The Duke of Marmalade and Dawg. Voices of reason, when life seemed to have no reason. So, I am here again after a 4-5 month hiatus. Obviously not here because everything is fucking groovy. Ah, showing my age. So, the update, or the rehash, whichever you prefer.
I am 52, married, but not living with my husband, he moved out in February, yet, we are not separated, or so I […]
If you really knew me…
You would know that I had tried to commit suicide multiple times..
You would know that it’s actually not my mom who won’t feed me. She is not the reason I don’t eat I just starve myself for days hoping to pass out and never wake up.
You would know that I was once and still is bullied emotionally and physically.
You would know that I have a dangerously low self-esteem.
You would know that I take everything really serious it’s just that most people won’t take ME serious.
You would know that I’m not usually shy and all I’m […]
Right now I have such a small amount of hope… but its enough to keep me alive…I really hope that its just enough to last…enough to get me through but its dying, getting smaller…everyday..dying. The source of my hope… Music…one song… Famous Last Words…”I am not afraid to keep on living, I am not afraid to walk this world alone.”……… Thanks My Chemical Romance for keeping me alive even if its just for a little while
Life fucking sucks. Might as well get that out of the way now.
Some days it would be so much easier if it were just fucking over. And some days it seems like it already is, like living days that have no substance.
I’m living, but not really there.
Why does my life suck? I’m fat, I’m ugly, I’m mentally disturbed, I’m lonely, and everything.g is quite frankly very miserating. My motivation to do anything worthwhile has blantantly disappeared over the past few months. The larger disorders, the social phobias, the binge eating disorder, the anxiety, the OCD, the paranoia, they’ve been there for years. […]