Ever just watch pet fish? Watch them swim around in their bowl? Wonder if they are unhappy swimming in circles, seeing the same things, eating the same things, doing the same things? Does my fish, Flex, even know that my other fish, Murs, is in the bowl with him? Does he even notice the rainbow I put in their to help give them some scenery and something to swim through. Just like school, jobs, and sports are just thrown into the world to give us something to do. The flowers, trees, and ‘mystical wonderlands’ are just scenery to spice up the fact that we are just living in a bowl. Oh, and that fish next to you […]
I can’t seem to get myself to do the simplest things. I am wading through life fighting against this current that tells me it would be better if I just left this plane and stop wasting resources. I feel ashamed constantly and I can’t shake off this feeling that the future is hopeless. I am disoriented. I want to get better, I’ve done therapy, meds, drugs, and yet this heaviness, this emptiness still lingers. Even with some of the ups I’ve had this monster of a feeling is ready and waiting to take me back into the darkness.
I’m stuck between wanting to break free and […]
How many fucking things can go wrong? Just when you think it can’t get worse…
Sighhhh. I just want to cut and pop. Gets tough to fight the urges.
:/
Yes ash still exists whoever asked
i dont know what im doing or where im going.. i have nobody. im alone. it doesnt matter if im in a room full of people.
So ive decided to try again, i came close to blacking out last time, hopefully i will blackout fully so i wont stop my departure.
This probably isn’t the place to ask this question, but if there’s anyone out there who’s happy to be alive, can you explain how? There’s so much suffering, pain and cruelty out there… Even if you’re not a victim, how can you be happy knowing that others are? Misery will always exist, humans will always hurt and abuse others, this whole game we call “life” is rigged with injustice, corruption and pain. Just look around you. I’m not necessarily saying we should all kill ourselves, but why do so many people embrace life like it’s a gift?
My life is the worst. Whatever i do i feel sad. And the thing is that im not supposed to! I have a great family, good grades, going to a high school that is the best in town, i have friends, people sometimes think im interesting and many people would say that i look just like a regular teenager. But… even though i have all that im suicidal. The thing is that i can’t find any joy whatsoever in my life. I hate school, i hate every subject, i hate watching TV, i hate playing games, i hate my friends, i hate all people at my school, i hate my […]
I’m sick of doing so much shit for everyone around me and getting nothing in return. I’m nice as can be 24/7, even to people I can’t stand, and all I get back is, you got it, NOTHING. That or they treat me even worse. I’m just tired. What’s the point? Why bother being nice to people who are just going to screw you over, ignore you, stab you in the back, and treat you like trash? Not to mention I’m ALWAYS the third wheel. I pay for everything when I can, I treat everyone like freaking royalty and I’m starting to think they don’t […]
failI am less than nothing, I am such a fuck up, I cannot do anything right. I try so hard. I cannot do anything right, I fuck everything up. I am nothing. I am worth more dead than alive. No one understands this, I am so fucked up, getting calls, everyone wants something from me, and I cannot deliver……  So much, I cannot do this any more, I try, God knows I try,, and even God has turned His back on me. I have hurt everyone by just being alive, and no one wants to hear me, not even God. I know God is dissappointed […]
So lastnight, i had a dream i hung myself, mabe its becuase ive made attemps already, and soon another, anyway.. i know thats how i will die, its just a matter of time, im thinking now what day i will try again.
christianity put the fear of hell in me and is punishing me for bad looks and small sins i can’t take back. i don’t want anyone to have that authority over me. Cyanide and gunshot is how hitler died. this is a very cruel world full of cruel people.
Is there anymore on here, that I could have the E-mail of that I can just talk to about anything when ever I’m feeling down? I’m FAR more than happy to do the exact same in return, and even just do that without anything in return.
I live in a world that is not real. I feel like I don’t belong in this world. I was forced to pursue a career that I wasn’t interested in. I talk five sentences with my parents on a maximum. Â They have never once asked me how my day went. I never tell them. I don’t tell them about all the nights I sit alone and cry my eyes out into the pillow. I don’t tell them about the bad days I have, or the good ones either. My joys and my sorrows are entirely my own. I love learning about the Universe, but the […]
I really want to kill myself. I’m ugly. Ugly. Ugly. I hate myself. I fucking hate myself.
He likes me because of my personality, not because of my looks. And it fucking hurts.
And to be honest I have never wanted to have a good personality. I just want to be drop dead gorgeous. That’s all I want. Nothing else, nothing else….
I honestly have no idea how I am, who I am or what I’m doing. It’s difficult to have your whole family think you’re an attention seeker because you cut yourself and because you’re depressed and were suicidal. It hurts so much to let people you care about so much down. I hate myself more then anything ever. It’s so hard. When I say it’s so hard I hate myself more for being so weak and pathetic. I’m 16. I have grown up bullied, hit and at one point I was sexually assaulted which I very rarely talk about. I have a boyfriend now, his […]
sometimes i just feel like i dont wanna live anymore, due to my family’s financial problem.. its not like we’re super rich,, we’re just so so.. we’re not poor either.. but still eventho i know my parents still can afford my living, i still think tht my brother get more then me (in terms of money), he goes to expensive school but i cant. he travels a lot but i cant. and lot of stuffs.. just this kinda comparison is killing me.. i do love my parents, but i hate them due to this problem.. wtf,, i know like im not as smart as him, […]
At all. I hate the person I become when I’m actually achieving something in life (schoolwise, at this point). And I hate the person I am when I sit at my computer all day playing games. I could totally be a fucking mooch if I wanted. Who am I kidding, I’m a fucking mooch right now. 24 years old this Sunday and I still live with my parents, who pay pretty much all of my expenses. Especially school, which I’ve been in since I was 18. Granted, I’m going to a state school and my parents are not poor, but I still feel like shit […]
Today I went to school as normal, but instead of going to psychology, I had to go to do a chemistry prac I missed out on earlier in the week (worth 25% of my grade). Everything was fine until the teacher (not my usual one) started screaming at everyone. For the first time (in a school environment) my PSTD started to kick in and I started getting flashbacks of when my ex would scream at me before hitting me. I started having an anxiety attack, and before I knew it, everything was blurry and I was on the floor nearly crying. The teacher and assistant […]
And i cant wait 😉