I am really struggling at the moment. My suicidal tendencies are so strong, I am so de-sensitised to the idea of killing myself, that it is really only my two sons who keep me anchored. When even that becomes not enough, I go into hospital, where I am now – again – the fifth time in 2 1/2 years, and I’ve already been in now for five weeks this time. I just looked at my progress chart, and basically there has been none – a few blips where I got better for a few days, and then I drop down again.
I am just loosing […]
Sunday night I had told myself that drowning was going to be the easiest and less stressful way to go. I live a couple of blocks from a lake and I had considered going to the dock with a 50 pound weight and just jump in. Well, I went boating today at that same lake and my friend pointed to the dock and said she had a dream where I had jumped in and didn’t come back up. When she went under to see, she said she saw something holding me down and that I eventually drowned. That’s when she woke up crying…anyways. She had […]
Once it’s happened and it’s not going to “get better.” Â You just walk through some how. So many of us have been destroyed, obliterated waited for grace, given everything to somehow survive. Â I think about suicide nearly all the time. Â I gave all I could, now it’s just playing out the string. Â Thank you everyone who has posted about their hell. Â I heard somebody once say in their despair (words that I’d expressed too), “I’m just a person.” Â More hell.
I just joined today and this is my third post already. I can’t believe how supportive people are on here. I’m really glad I found this. I glad I found people who feel like me.
Sometimes I wonder if I just want to leave because I’m not strong enough to handle the stress that is life, but I’m not stressed. I feel like I barely have feeling anymore, I’m just just here as a statue, as nothing. What is my life anymore? I work 3 jobs, all I ever do is work and drink. I’m not an alcoholic but I might as well be with […]
If anyone wants to talk outside of this site like through email or something let me know. I really need someone to talk to that won’t judge me and won’t tell me I’m wrong for thinking about suicide. I just need someone who understands m
A mind that asks many questions
A mind mind that realizes there will never be any answers
A pair of eyes that cry in the wrong direction
A red heart longing for affection
I know the truth
And I want my heart to stop beating
For love in another means nothing if your own is slowly depleting
I’ve hated my life and the people who had to be in it
The horrible ones
And my useless mind and it’s emotions
No I’ve done my meditation
And like a band aid it covers over the wound temporarily
And I’ve been in counselling
And few understand I’m rare you see
And […]
Once again, I cut myself. I can’t remember if it was before or after I took some pills though. I cut myself with a razorblade, it’s kind of my new self harm strategy. It tears up my wrist more, but I feel like it doesn’t scar as bad, we’ll just have to see how it goes. This time I didn’t count the pills I took, i just grabbed a handful and tried to take them down as fast as I could. I don’t know why, but I had this sense that I should write about it on here, like I used to. I’m sure it’s […]
You are more than the choices that you make!
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes!
You are more than then the problems you create!
YOU ARE MORE! 🙂
I give up. I can’t be bothered waking up everyday to be mooching around my house with the same thoughts going through my head. Faking the smile for people, but inside dyeing. Not being able to attend school because I can’t cope. Not having any friends, just faking the smile for your family because you can’t bear hurting them anymore. Keeping everything to yourself because you trust no one. I just want to get out. I would say whats wrong on here but I can’t I need to get it off to someone.. but who?, I can;t take this no more.
I have problems, I think…
It’s always been here..
I have a man who loves me.. and I have a few friends … and family…
I love this man, and as of right now he’s my rock.. Cause I don’t want to be alive..
I have this feeling of needing to end my self.. A feeling that things would be better
for everyone else in my life if I was gone… They say other wise, but I have it
imbedded into my head.. I just .. I need help.
Is there a right moment to really give up on life? Is there really another way to figure out if
death is the right […]
Who am I fooling?
This week has been messed up. No exams for most of it been at school to forget the stress at home. Playing with my friend and we just started kissing….and intense. AM I THAT MESSED UP? Now we are together but i know it will not last…..she will abandon me like everyone else. She makes me smile (havent done that in months) but two girls together in a catholic school….I HAVE GONE MAD it cant work!!!!!!!!!!
Hello, this is my story.
Pre 5/5/2004 I was just a normal person, i had bipolar but i was diagnosed as a child and managed it with hardcore meditation my whole life. Other than that my life was normal. nothing traumatic ever happened to me. I never lost anyone. I was attending college. I had a beautiful girlfriend. I was smart, i had the whole world in front of me.
On the 5/5/2004 i woke up in my GF’s college house, it was cold and i was shivering. I rolled over and Jane was not there. I got up and saw here keys and phone on the […]
hi, i’m katie.c: i’m 14. and i’ve been through a lot..
well where to start..my mom is an alcoholic and drug addict, but she is one of the sweetest ladies alive. i love her to death. my dad..he couldn’t be more mean. he gets really mad and it scares me. last night, it was a minor thing, and he punched to perfect holes in the wall. in january, my mom got so drunk. me and my 10 year old brother were the only ones home at the time and we had to call my dad and he came home. he called 911, my mom had to […]
Who do I talk to when I can’t talk to the only person I’m happy to talk to?
Sorry if the title was a bit confusing, I had no idea how to write it..
I’ve known about this site for a while now, however I’ve been depressed/considering suicide for longer than I can remember.
I have one person in my life that I feel comfortable talking to; she knows about the depression, self esteem issues etc, however I don’t know how much more to tell her.. There’s no one else I can talk to about this, but at the same time I don’t want to upset her/cause her to talk to someone; I don’t want any future suicide attempts stopped because she got help.
Anyway, I […]
Well, the title says it all.
The pain is becoming unbearable.
They say that people who try to kill themselves are “selfish” and that they don’t think about the others they’ll leave behind.
But have they ever thought how is a suicidal person really feeling?
Of course they haven’t.
The feeling inside my head is starting to become physical.
It’s sort of like nasal congestion.
When you have it, you can’t breathe.
So you either try clearing your nose, or you breathe through your mouth.
But I have the SAME FUCKING FEELING INSIDE MY HEAD!
I’m literally unable to think, speak or feel anymore.
I haven’t really talked with […]
Dead inside for a long time. Years. I want to go, but I can’t yet. Things get worse the longer I wait.
I only just discovered this site today and I’m comforted to see that many people think like I do about this subject. I guess I feel validated in a way…even “normal” in my thought processes about it all. Thank you for that!
I have two previous “attempts.” People said it was (I HATE this phrase) “a cry for help.” Actually I was too stupid to know that the drugs I used wouldn’t kill me and only land me in the hospital, […]
I died. It was no accident. I rented a nice hotel room. Then I swallowed a lot of pills that would dissolve my liver and brain. I cut my arms open, and took enough aspirin that nothing but my failing heart could stop the bleeding. And so I died.
Then I met God. He was everything they show in the movies. A giant of a man, long in years, with a flowing white mane and long gray beard. As for his face, no matter how I tried to look at it, I could never quite see it. And he asked, “Why have you […]
I think this might be the day I do it properly. The only thing that stops me is the love I have for my children. If they didn’t exist this would be so easy. I broke up with my boyfriend three months ago. It’s taken of this long to realise he’ll never come back to me. I left my husband and children for him. I love him so much. I can’t live another day without him.
I tried a new approach to deal with my depression; acknowledging it as a sickness of the mind and body but not anything to do with me personally. I take full responsibility for my past and every action I’ve taken up to this point in life, but the issues slowing me down aren’t my own.
All throughout my life, I’ve been shown the way I should be by the people around me. What I should be doing, the type of things I should study, the work I should go out for, partying and living it up etc etc; so I’ve been conditioned to hate myself […]
Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to lie
Life taught me to die
So it’s not hard to fall
When you float like a cannonball