There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
The world aint a friendly place.so quit finding friends. The pains and hate will never leave so quit feeling them.. Drop the blade do what i said quit feeling them
u say u love me more then ur life
u say im the girl u will eventually mary
u say u will never forget me
u say im the best gf u have eva had
u say how strong ur love for me is
u say im beautiful
u say u would do anything for me
til u decided im worth nothing cuz now i got my phone and ipod taken away 4ever u want NOTHING to do with me. u say if we cant text or call there is no point in making an effort.
WHY did u say all those things […]
Welcome, step inside my mind!
If you aren’t worried now, its a matter of time,
Till you break through the seal, and feel what i feel,
even then for you it will never be real.
My mental health? How bad could it be?
Well its hanging by threads! Im crazy you see?
Depression has me thinking of things that are vile,
I cut and i bruise and it makes me smile,
The pain I enjoy it, frightening enough,
And when I try to put the ones that I love,
first instead of myself,
It really makes me think…
Don’t do this they love you, try for them,
But my mind just continues to sink..
I needed help before this […]
God I was feeling so good yesterday, and now it’s back to not being able to concentrate and having panic attacks non stop.
I’ll start at the beginning. A few months ago, my mum started getting really sick. At first she refused to admit it (she is a very proud person, and I guess I inherited it from her), but she eventually went to the doctor. Over the next couple of months, the doctor (and others he had brought in) couldn’t figure out if it was cancer or something less serious and therefore to this day haven’t diagnosed it. During this time, both my brother and I have […]
Oh man… it feels like it’s been so long. These last 2 years have taken everything out of me.. except for my life. I can’t live like this. Not for much longer at least. The days drag on longer and longer. Some days aren’t so bad, but it just keeps coming back. It’s always going to be a part of me. This is who i am now.
I almost got to the point where i didn’t want to jump in front of the bus one day… just that one day. Is it really worth living when you feel like this? You don’t live to be happy.. […]
whats the use if you cant even cry on their shoulder…
anyways, my demons are getting overwhelming and im waiting to just stop cutting like a ***** and TERRORIZE my fucking wrist…
I’ve been moving on lately. Not in the way one would imagine. I’ve become raw and uncut in my creativity. I’m exposing myself to the world with photos of what i see, thing I model in a virtual space, things i may draw by hand and music. Oh no I’m still not happy. But I’ve decided to keep pretending.
I”m doing light work. Work as in making amends to old flames if I possibly can. Maybe an offer of friendship or two. I’m learning to forgive my parents even though they still bait trap and subtly belittle for effect, and myself because I keep making mistakes. […]
I was a liar. Am a liar. It’s the sort of thing that you can’t really speak about in the past tense. It started when I was really young, in elementary school when my parents got divorced. I would lie to both parents to get what I wanted. And I would get what I wanted. They weren’t big things like an mp3 player or a new toy or something, just small things that weren’t very important, non tangible things like a play date or some sympathy; a hug. Then they got bigger and bigger. I would plan things out, these huge deceptions and falsities, as […]
This song means a lot to me.. Not sure if anyone else can relate.
Versus the world – Love every scar
I fell in love every scar on her wrists
And sad eyes told a story of every
Great thing that she’d missed
She doesnt call here anymore
She didn’t even say goodbye
Just a kiss blown to
The wind we didn’t catch in time
This can’t be right the night has just begun
And I already feel like I’m dead
I know I shouldn’t hate myself
I should be blaming this on you instead
Instead I’ll rewind these weeks in my mind
And I don’t think I’ll […]
I haven’t posted for a while, not a great deal has changed, I had my 23rd birthday on Saturday another year of suffering, I didn’t want my birthday to happen I had thought that I’d be dead by now..
I still haven’t managed to get hold of a helium tank. I wish there was someway to escape this void that I’m stuck in.
Ive been seeing my psychologist as of late.. He has warned me that if I keep up this behaviour that will be seen by the triage team, I don’t really care.. I feel like I have nothing to lose anyway.. Everything just seems aimless. […]
I gotta acknowledge… You guys mean EVERYTHING to me… All of you, this site, I would do anything to make sure nothing bad happened to what I have here. A place to vent, A family, A few people I got close to and some that I would like to, people to care for who care for me. I need you guys. I love you guys <3 Thanks so much for being here for me <3
i was so close. so close. my evil sister told my mom that the past few days i have been overdosing (she knows everything bout me) my mom went into a flip attack and started screaming at me other shit i was so hurt my sister told more hurt my knew before i left the earth. she was contemplating letting it go or taking me to the hospital. she chose hospital. ha i got out of that, thank god. now im in trouble. like lots of trouble. i want away and out of my family im fed up qith them, they parent based on […]
I was always in the dark, but continuely fighting
Always afraid to fall asleep, and to let my head rest on the pillow
Living was and is hard, all the pushing, punching and biting
And still I sat there watching her beaten, he laughed like it was a joke
I held her, she held me
We were a very disfunctional family
When he took me from bed at night, he kept me in his room
Crying from hurt and fright
A young girl, from age three to age five
Abused and knew he was sick […]
He doesn’t love me. I have to move on. I must stop talking with him. How??? It’s so hard. I don’t want to. It would hurt a lot. But I have to. I have to. but how…?
There’s two opinions:
First one: To be with him. I would feel unwanted all the time. I would hope that one day he will love me. But he won’t.
Second: Let him go. At first it would be very hard. I would want him even more. I tried once. It was way too hard, I couldn’t stop being sad.
I want to be happy, but I can’t imagine happiness without him.
I thought I’d never have to come back here. I thought I was doing fine. I used to severely scratch my skin (around my shoulders and chest so no one could see) to take some extremely negative thoughts out on myself. I had stopped for about 4 days now. Then… today happened.
_________________________
Here’s a little back-story;
About 3 years ago, my ex cheated on her boyfriend of 2 years with her friend, they obviously broke up. Then me and her dated for about 2 weeks last year, but she left me to get back together with her ex, but he didn’t want her. She then […]
This week just keeps getting worse&worse
just found this site today after crying and wishing i had the balls enough to just slit my wrists… Have attempted a few times but honestly too scared to fully do it. Wondering if maybe I get drunk enough I could. I tried to OD on a bunch of pills when i was a teenager but I just ended up puking and in the hospital. I’ve been depressed and seeing a shrink since I was 8. I am just tired and dont want to do this anymore. I lost my boys about a year ago.. they are 6 and 8 and honestly I dont know […]
I love the days where im home alone so i can drink which helps me cope with my unqiue situation, (read my past posts). Ihave unique problems. Social awkardness to say the least. Im scaredto find out my online schooling mark, im sure i failed one class and my moms gunna flip probably. Im actually going to bc this summer to visit a friend i havent seen in a long time and i honestly dont want to . i WANT OUT
I look in ugly people and ask myself: “How do they live? And why? Why am I living?”
My arms are too long.
My hair is too short.
My legs are too fat.
My skin has way to much red blemishes.
My face shape is horrible.
I get compliments from ugly people and I ask myself: “So… Am I the prettiest one from ugly people? Why pretty people never like me? Why handsome guys reject me?”
I just want to sleep… Forever… I don’t want anyone to see me. I don’t want to see myself.