I just can’t do this anymore! Every single day my urge to kill myself gets stronger, all the pain just keeps building up and I can’t take anymore and I break down. I have nothing and no one. The only person who ever understood me passed away a few weeks ago and all I want is to join him. I have been trying so hard for three years to turn my life around but it’s only gotten worse. Every night I cry myself to sleep because I’m scared, scared to wake up the next day to even more pain and confusion. I’m terrified of myself, […]
I’m sorry to all those saying that exercise is a perfect substitute for cutting. Its a great idea but its not the same, not the same at all. I exercise daily and still often find the need to cut.
I guess this is part my story; maybe just the trigger to my suicidal thoughts.
I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I might be depressed, stressed, tired, angry. My parents have no clue what goes on in my head. We’ve never been a close family; my parents are seperated, so my dad visits once in a while. My mother likes to get drunk and cry about the seperation. My siblings go out and ignore this living hell we live in. And I’m the one that has to go through the pain we all go through.
I think my insecurities first started in the summer of 2006, […]
I rigged my rope about an hour ago….in the front yard. I just need someone to say something nice to me before I leave.
It’s plain and simple, I am hurt. I don’t know whether to
call it depressed, bipolar or maybe even suicidal. I don’t fit fully into one
of those categories. After all I see my emotions as a vase; One that’s cracked and
overfilled, but painted over and glued to hide the unwanted things. Every time
something emotional happens it feels like someone took my vase and slammed it
down on a table, causing the fragile makeover to shatter, letting a cascade of
water to spill through. Of course then I have to scurry and pick up all the pieces
and carefully repaint every little detail […]
I dont know what to write. I have no clue, Ive never done this before.
I have severe depression, and have for years. Because of this, I have done so much stupid stuff, pushed so many people away. I have nobody. And I mean nobody. Not my father, my mother passed away, my now ex boyfriend left me for my ‘bestfriend’, and every one of my friends have ditched me. I have nobody.
The school is aware of the suicidal thoughts, and they tried to help for a few weeks, but after I left the school to throw myself in front of a train and was caught, […]
Tonight my mom and I got into an even bigger fight. It resulted in me walking the streets of Washington D.C alone. She basically straight up told me to find somewhere else that someone would care to say they have a daughter with ‘problems’. All she did what bring me down. Telling me how better her life would be if I was normal just because i said i ws still in love with that one guy she didnt approve of. The truth it no one is normal. I’m her DAUGHTER not just some girl. Why can’t she just let it go? I mean he ‘boyfriend’ […]
hey guys.. its saturday night and im writing this! dandy! i just moved in to the states.. and yeah things are definitely different.. hard to adapt.. *puh* so i’m spending this saturday night in.. alone.. and.. listening to NYC by Interpol! wow! haha..
anyways.. I just wanna share my story.. i dunno what I’m getting out of this.. but.. it’s been tough I came off my meds.. a while back.. I popped some e’s over the last year that definitely did not help.. I just don’t feel things the way I used to.. makes it twice as hard to get a girl.. or anything really..
shy as […]
I decided I better tell my full story so people inderstand me better:
I started self-harming about two years ago. I had an argument with my best friend and this set it off. It wasn’t a serious row; it was quite a silly one to be honest. However, I think this triggered off a lot of my self-esteem issues. I had a really hard time at school and was bullied a lot and I ended up finding it hard to get close to people. My feelings of self worth vanished again after the argument and in order to combat this I started to cut myself. Not […]
Borderline personality disorder: Society’s way of saying that you’re a ticking time bomb. Abandonment issues only get worse with time. When you get numb to the pain, your mind simply widens it’s threshold. Boxing lessons: They will happen. You have only two choices in life: Die, or grow another day older. Immortality can be measured by things accomplished in your lifetime, as well as how long you endured this lifetime.
Anyone hear from SoftSoul lately ???
i am trying to stop self harm, i havent self harmed for a while like 3 weeks but i keep finding myself desperatly wanting to feel the sting of a cut and see the blood come out, haveing it hurt for a few days when my clothes rub against it to remind me im still alive and seeing the cuts to show myself im fucked up.
I go to my room when I’m anxious. Whenever people are around, I get anxious…I worry they hate me, that they’re constantly judging me. I love my boyfriend, and he’s trying to understand, but he just won’t stop being mean to me. I can’t take criticism. He’s so sick of it. I’m worried he’s about to give up on me. I just want to die, but no one would be able to take care of him if I weren’t around. Codependency? I just want to escape my body. I feel so worthless. I feel subhuman…or if not, I feel like an invisible alien looking down at […]
When I self harm I am upset or angry (I may cry) but mostly it is not from the physical pain, but by the mental pain. I can hardly feel it when I am doing it, you just kind of black out and go into a trance and forget the world for a little. Then I feel like a complete moron afterwards when you are hurting so bad from the cut wounds.
im so tired of having to go on with being messed around with friends and my girl friend getting told to kill my self being judge and getting made fun of by people who just know my name im going to hang my self tonight im sure of it things were going so well for the longest time and today i just snaped i cant take it
I did not, you see, want to kill myself. Not at that time, anyway. But I wanted to know that if need be, if the desperation got so terribly bad, I could inflict harm on my body. And I could. Knowing this gave me a sense of peace and power, so I started cutting up my legs all the time. Hiding the scars from my mother became a sport of its own. I collected razor blades, I bought a Swiss army knife, I became fascinated with the different kinds of sharp edges and the different cutting sensations they produced. I tried out different shapes—squares, triangles, […]
i haven’t cut for a while. My scars were healing and almost gone. I told another friend last night about my feelings. Second person I’ve told, And hopefully the last. Same thing, she said not to do it and I should talk to my parents and everyone loves me and would miss me blah blah blah.
I cut again last night.
Spent the entire night crying, woke up with my eyes swollen and sore. This is why I can’t tell people, im just gunna hear the same thing over and over again and have to act like theyre getting through to me when they really aren’t […]
I had such a hard day yesterday. I have schizophrenia and I have to take pills because of that but those pills are making me suicidal. The feeling I had inside yesterday was just awful. I was angry at everything thats going on in my life. I decided to react by killing myself. I was just fed up with all the pain and suffering. Today  I took an antidepressant, because I just can not live without them. Antidepressants usually make me feel better. Antipsychotics make me have depressin. Depression is a really bad disease.
I feel frustrated with myself. Over the years, I have done everything within my power to battle this depression, from medication, exercise and therapy to inpatient treatment. At present, I take my meds daily, practice positive thinking and generally try to keep myself busy.
Why am I still depressed? It feels inescapable and I wonder whether I just have to reluctantly accept that this aching inside of me, the dark cloud that looms over my head wherever I go is here to stay.
I can mask the depression with smiles, I would even say that I try to fool myself, but every night when I get into […]